This is going to be very simple, and radical.
By doing the things that you do, you keep sending messages about yourself into your system. Are you running three times a week? Awesome, you must be a runner/not a couch patato. Are you pleasant to other people? Super, you must be nice. Do you keep saying ‘yes’ instead of ‘no’ so your workload keeps getting bigger and bigger? Well, not so great, you must not have a backbone.
And because you keep affirming this to yourself, it will get wired into your system. And if you do good things, functional to your life that make you happy, then great. But if you do things that aren’t good for you, you’re sending yourself the wrong messages, attracting all sorts of wrong things for you!
Your behavior is a continuous source of information for your self concept. That’s why the easiest way to stop thinking about yourself a certain way (spineless, couch patato, unhealthy, lousy partner) is by executing brand new behavior that (eventually) changes the way you look at yourself.
Although habits are tough to break, it’s worth the hassle. So try to think outside what you think of yourself – if that makes sense. Think ‘what would I like to do’ and not have it followed by ‘…but I never do that!’ or ‘but I could never do that!” Give yourself new information to use, by changing your behavior.
What you do says something about you to other people as well. Best way I can illustrate this is by looking at my co-workers. If I see someone freaking out over a tiny detail, I think “okay, so you panic easily.” (When I see it happen three times, I am only more convinced I’m dealing with a Panic Person). Alternatively, if I see a co-worker deliver excellent work, I go” “dude, you’re good at what you do”. When I see a colleague stand up for him- or herself, I go “Hey! Backbone! Good for you!”
And these are not even things I like them for, these are just (relatively) neutral observations. But what I see of someone, is what makes them either liked or disliked. When I hear someone say nice things, watch them be friendly to other people and all around see them not being a douchebag, I like them. Alternatively, when I hear someone being mean or condescending, growling at other people and looking like a sour citizen, I do not like them.
Positive behavior attracts, negative behavior repels. Now, your behavior is also a continuous stream of information to the people around you. And that stream of information says either one of two things to the people around you: “Come closer” or “Go away”.
So be attractive! Say nice things, smile to others, realize cruelty is never a justified response (or a good quality in anyone). Be kind, friendly and a pleasant person.
With your actions, you’re sending messages about who you are into the world. And the world is going to respond to that, so it’s in your own best interest to make it good stuff, you know?