Pumpkin Pie With Pumpkin Spice


Hi! Do you have a pumpkin?

And too much time on your hands?

Are you a white girl who is obsessed with pumpkin spice latte?

Are you any other person who is obsessed with pumpkin spice lattes?

Boy, do I have a treat for you. In 19 ridiculous steps and about 3,5 hours, you can bake a delicious pumpkin pie WITH pumpkin spice.

self help hipster holding a pumpkin

STEP 1: Pose with the unsuspecting pumpkin that you’re about to slaughter.

THE REAL STEP 1: Completely copy this recipe by Jamie Oliver but add a fuckton of pumpkin spice to the pie filling. God, I’m genius. Where is my cook book deal?

ingredients pumpkin pie base

STEP 2: Get the ingredients for the pie base. Do not fuck around and do the whole thing full-fat.

  • 250+ grams of flour
  • 50 grams of confectioner’s sugar
  • a dash of full fat milk
  • 125 grams of real butter
  • an organic free range egg to make up for the rest of the recipe’s animal abuse

ingredients pumpkin filling

STEP 3: Get the ingredients for the pumpkin pie filling.

  • half a litre of full fat milk
  • 200 grams of brown sugar
  • a vanilla pod
  • a fuck ton of pumpkin spice
  • two more organic free range eggs (not pictured because it’s not a real Self Help Hipster recipe if I don’t fuck up something)

pumpkin pie base in progress

STEP 4: Put the flour and the confectioner’s sugar in a bowl. Whisk it around a bit because you were supposed to sift it but you were too lazy to do that.

STEP 5: Cut the butter up in little squares and kneed it through the flour-sugar mix. Really get your hands in there. Add the splash of milk and the egg until you have a ball of dough.

STEP 6: Because you have nothing else to do today or in life, roll the dough into a flat circle and put it in the fridge for 30 minutes.

STEP 7: Get it out, put in the pie form thing. You’re supposed to stick the thing in the freezer, but my freezer was full with leftovers and hearts of my enemies. I just put in the fridge again.

STEP 8: Preheat the oven to 200 degrees and bake the pie crust for 30 minutes.

STEP 9: After that, bake the pie crust blind for 20 minutes.

(STEP 10: Because you’re not Martha Stewart, google what THE FUCK it means to blind-bake something.)

cutting pumpkin

STEP 11: Try to cut your pumpkin and fail miserably. Get your boyfriend to do it and then get a million helpful tips you actually did get once before but totally forgot about. Make sure all the pumpkin pieces are nice and small.

STEP 12: Put the pumpkin in a pan with the brown sugar, the vanilla pod, the pumpkin spice and the milk. Cook on moderate heat for about 30 minutes, or until the pumpkin is soft and well-cooked.

blend pumpkin pie filling

STEP 13: Get the vanilla pod out of the mixture.

STEP 14: Put the pumpkin mix in the blender because you may or may not have broken your mixer in a previous cooking adventure.

STEP 15: Because Jamie Oliver thinks we have all day to do this shit, now we have to wait for everything to cool off.

STEP 16: Add the two eggs to the pumpkin pie filling.

STEP 17: Preheat the oven to 200 degrees and put the pumpkin pie in the oven for 45 minutes.


STEP 18: Get the pie out and stick a fork in it to see if the filling is good and baked.


STEP 19: Serve with whipped cream.

STEP 20: Eat pumpkin pie with your coffee for the rest of the week, because you only live with your boyfriend and you don’t give a flying fuck about getting fat.

And there you have it. A delicious pumpkin pie with pumpkin spice, that takes way too much time and effort, but that is SO good I am making it again tomorrow.


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  1. Heh shit, hier had ik vandaag echt alle tijd voor, maar lees dus nu, te laat:’) BUMMER! Ziet er heerlijk uit! De volgende rainy sunday beter! Geniet van je taart deze week

  2. Wat lijkt me dit een DRAMA om te maken, maar o men, wat moet dit lekker zijn. Doet me denken aan een pompoenpudding die ik laatst maken. Ook úren bezig en zoveel stappen, maar het werd heerlijk. Pompoen is gewoon een heel gek iets. Je kunt er zoveel mee maken, dat is echt bizar.