The “not my circus, not my monkeys” mindset

I’m a big fan of the ‘not my circus, not my monkeys’ mi-yeah, you know what?


I can’t write an intro for this while this photo of myself is staring me in the face.

I really look like a monkey in a wig who stole glasses off a sad librarian. Who I am now tormenting as she cries in front of my cage how she just wanted to have a nice day at the zoo even though her date stood her up and why do these things keep happening to her.

You just gotta read the blog post.

This week I opened my YouTube app and one of the first recommendation was a vlog by Julien, Jenna Marbles’ boyfriend, the title “Jenna meets Freelee the Banana Girl.”

As I read that, I had a very strong negative reaction to that fact. I despise Freelee the Banana Girl. I think she is one of THE most horrible people on the Internet today, and that is saying something with the hordes of negative trolls I see on the daily. And I like Jenna. I want Jenna to have nice things and meet nice people. Not demon trolls with unhealthy non-scientific advice who make themselves famous by hating on other people in YouTube videos. (That she’s vegan is entirely besides the point in my opinion.)

So I saw this thumbnail of Freelee and Jenna and as I was thinking “ugh/ick/etc”, I had a very distinct thought:

“This has nothing to do with me. So why am I having a negative response to it.”

Sure, it makes sense. We fall in love (or in hate) with people, in real life and online. We form a connection with our heroes, AND (whether you like it or not) the people you despise. If you hate someone, you HAVE connected with them too. A bad one, but you care, so it’s there.

And when we form connections, we have thoughts and feelings regarding them.

But take a step back. Objectively look at the situation:

Some Internet person that I love met another Internet Person I wish would just fuck off. That’s all. Neither have anything to do with me. They have no impact on my life whatsoever.

Same goes for that chick that overshares on Twitter, that Instagram model that is having an affair with her dog groomer, that person in the street who’s talking loudly on the phone about her one night stand, the click-baiting idiots of the YouTubes, the crumpy check-out girl.

These things and these people? Have nothing to do with me. They have no impact on my actual life, and if they do, indirectly because I (CHOOSE TO) occupy myself with them, they shouldn’t have (at least not for very long). They should not have an impact on my life whatsoever.

Not my circus, not my monkeys. A Polish expression stating that if it does not concern you, if it’s not YOUR monkeys, why bother.

ESPECIALLY considering: I HAVE monkeys.

My deadlines at work, my savings account, my yoga practice, my friend who is being an idiot, my friend is working too hard, my friend who is heartbroken: THOSE are my monkeys.

THAT I need to worry over. I don’t need to be worrying about nobody else’s monkeys.

So here’s my first question for you: What and who are the monkeys that you are unnecessarily watching and thinking about?

Here’s the second question: Would it be better for you to stop?

Would it be liberating, less (self inflicted) frustration? More space in your head for actual important things?

If so, repeat after me: Not my circus, not my monkeys.

Or alternatively, “I have my own monkeys.”

Before I go, I want to ask you to hold a moment of silence for my dead bedroom. These pictures take a serious toll on my love life.

SIKE, funny bitches totally get laid.

Take notes.


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  1. Mag ik die foto in mijn telefoon zetten als contactfoto voor jou? En wil je me dan een keer bellen? Ik denk dat ik per direct dan uit welke depressie dan ook word geharkt.

  2. Love this. Ik vind het zo sterk hoe je de simpelste dingen in een soort metafoor omzet waardoor het echt zo’n ”yeah, I LOVE THAT” ding wordt. Ik denk dit ook zo vaak bij mezelf: boeiend, het maakt me niet uit wat die en die doet dus ik ga me er ook niet aan ergeren of erop letten.

  3. My deadlines at work, my savings account, my yoga practice, my friend who is being an idiot, my friend is working too hard, my friend who is heartbroken: THOSE are my monkeys

    De laatste drie hoeven ook jouw aapjes niet te zijn, aapjes van je vriend(in)?

    (En Ója Freelee haha)