Law of Attraction: Giving up & Moving On.

An interesting question arose in the comments* about the limits of the Law of Attraction. Because sometimes there’s a point where you should stop, because if you don’t, that’s just a little sad and/or creepy.

What if you don’t get that house, that job, that boyfriend? Do you keep holding on, trying to manifest them into your life? Do you let go? And isn’t that giving up? Are you now a Law of Attraction Loser? And if you push through, where is the line and does working with the Law of Attraction become stalking, obsessive and psych-ward worthy?

Well, my sweets, here’s what I think about all that. 

First of all, I have no doubt in my mind that there is a certain point where it’s time to move on. This might be after applying thirty times to the job you really want. This might be after you’ve serenaded your ex (please don’t ever do this) and he or she has thrown tomatoes at you. This might be after a year of zero visitors who really gave a shit about your website.

But there will come a point in time where you feel it: Enough. That’s the moment where your inner everything will shouts ‘YOU NEED TO STOP NOW’ and you intuitively know: I am done. 

If you can’t yet recognize this moment, you will eventually learn how to because you’re going to get smacked by the Universe and it will be unpleasant. After a while, you’ll learn. And if you just ignore the signs and still push through with a temper tantrumesque ‘…but I want it, mommy! I want it, I want it!’ attitude?

That’s not working with the Law of Attraction anymore. That’s forcing things and that’s only going to result into shit. You’re just acting like a pushy and stubborn child who doesn’t get a toy in the store of life; because you don’t know how to deal a setback. Because you’re afraid if you let go of this one thing you are never going to find anything as good.

I got news for you, sweetheart. You are going to find even better things. But first you need to get a grip. I cannot work with you when you’re on the floor, pounding your fists and crying and screaming. Neither can the Universe so get it together, dammit.

Not getting what you (think you) want? Can sometimes be the best thing that could have happened. So when your lover dumps you while you are still madly in love with him, that might mean that you need to grow separately before your relationship can really work out long-term. It might mean he’s not right for you and someone else is waiting out there. It might mean you need to find yourself the way every girl in the movies does when her boyfriend dumps her. Think Legally Blonde, just not as stupid.

It sucks that you’re never hired for that job you want so bad, but apparently the Universe thinks it’s better if you start working somewhere else. Or stay at your current firm and get a promotion beyond your wildest dreams? Or just stop working at all and join a band. Whatevs.

You might have a basic understanding of the things you want. But you don’t know everything and sometimes the Universe steps in to remind you of that fact and to nudge (okay, throw) you in the direction that you were really always supposed to go in. That’s where you find the things that are really good for you and that will really satisfy you beyond what you could have imagined.

Whenever I miss out on an opportunity I really wanted, I am bummed for a little and then I think: “Hey. This means there is something even more awesome out there for me.” I’m always right. I was rejected for a super-prestigious teacher-traineeship that I thought was perfect for me. A month later I got a 2-year contract at my current job (that I am in love with) with the extra teaching opportunities I’ve always dreamed of.  Coincidence? I think not.

Because there’s endless possibilities and opportunities. So if you really want to waste your time throwing rocks at the closed door of Ex Boyfriend/Potential Dream Job You Didn’t Get/Anything, you don’t see the windows opening, the doors creaking open and other opportunities peeking at you from them.

When manifesting, I always remind myself that I don’t need to know the how’s, the when’s or other technicalities. Shit will just come my way, through whatever channel, in whatever way at times they’re supposed to. Just the other day I got a belated birthday gift (while I already pretty much had forgotten about my 24th): manifesting money was on my list, and it manifested.

I always keep an open mind. I don’t know anything. I don’t know how or when or in what way. I just know that things go and come my way.

So you had one shitty date. Of course you can be bummed out about that for a while, but why not look around a little better after that. Maybe there’s more around you than you realized. Have you ever noticed that your cute nerdy co-worker talks to you a little more than he does to most girls? Or that the guy you spot at the cafeteria smiles at you everytime you meet? Or the messages from that old high-school friend who cleaned up very nicely after braces and puberty?

So the house you wanted went to someone else. Did you spot that ‘for rent’ sign on the way to work? Did you overhear a friend talking about sub-leasing her loft? Did you see something similar to what you wanted on-line but didn’t focus on it because you had your eyes on this other house?

Law of Attraction includes you having a broad-spectrum antibiotic-like focus: widely applicable and effective. No more tunnel vision for you. Broad mind, eyes wandering, ears keen, all senses looking for opportunities and possibilities. That way you see everything and that way you can spot more opportunities than just the ones you think are The Ones for you.

Because you may think you know, and sometimes you’re right, but the Universe sometimes knows best and has no problem stepping in and ‘ruining’ things for you. Question is if you’re flexible enough to adapt, and I’m pretty sure that if you accept that you don’t know everything, that better things are apparently ready-ing themselves for you and if you are able to keep your eyes and mind open, I’m pretty sure things will turn out okay. Good luck.

*my readers are smart, inquisitive (and let’s not forget sexy) and inspire half of my articles. Thank you for that. Your questions and suggestions are always brilliant.  

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  1. Thank you for this. I needed to read this. I really need to let go, because you are right, there are even better things in store. So after reading this, you inspired me to really do so.

  2. Loving this post! Thank you. Just made me think of something to ask: heb je ooit ontmoetingen gehad waarvan je dacht: dit kan geen toeval zijn?

  3. first of all: thank u, ik vind jou ook sexy.
    ten tweede: dit is voor het eerst dat ik een artikel hierover lees. wanneer is het genoeg? wanneer moet je het loslaten?
    ik vind het een interessant stukje, vooral omdat ik het zelf soms (altijd) zo moeilijk vind om los te laten. om te laten gaan. om te vertrouwen dat er kennelijk iets anders, beters, voor mij bestemd is. en daar op te wachten. want men, wat ben ik soms ongeduldig.

  4. I think this came at the perfect time in my life. I’m at this point in my life where everything seems to be changing, and instead of holding on for dear life, I think I need to let go and embrace the unknown.

    You wrote, “I always keep an open mind. I don’t know anything. I don’t know how or when or in what way. I just know that things go and come my way.” I think we all need to keep this in mind more often.


  5. So I had a really bad day today, but then I read your article again and know I’m definitely feeling much better! Thanks!

  6. LoA worked for me but only to a certain point. And when I reached that point, I sensed that that was as far as it can go because I felt and saw that the person just wasn’t into me anymore. You are right, you will know by intuition when you have to cut the F out. And though I have let go of that ‘project’ I am wasting no time to move on to a new project, as you have said do not waste time looking at a closed door that has no hope of opening. The Universe does know what is best, and I feel that I am on my way there. Thank you very much for this article. This is exactly what I needed to read. I thought I was such a ninny to give up on my LoA. But seeing this post of yours, you have no idea how big a help this is for me. Cheers!

  7. Seriously on point. I had a question with the law of attraction: “What if what you want changes?”, because I started seeing something new and better and I wasn’t sure if I should take the risk or not. But you have definitely given a great answer and insight. I’m bookmarking this article.

    :-} Thanks

  8. Perfect Timing!!! I was dating this guy who used to be really into me and I thought/think he was/is the man for me. We ended things due to work conflicts and he got into another relationship. Months later, we had another chance because him and his ex broke up. I wanted him soooo bad but he was obsessed with his ex and he wanted her back. But I felt like he was the one for me and visualized about us being together every day. He kept coming back to me but kept feeling confused. He eventually went back to her. I was distraught and heartbroken. I looked on their Facebook page and they had pictures traveling together. I thought about how much I wanted to be able to travel with him and how much I wanted a relationship with him, I wanted the love he gave to her. Then the next day a guy I used to date contacted me out of the blue. We talked for hours and hours and he talked about wanting a relationship and asked if I wanted to travel with him. I couldn’t believe the coincidence!! The day before I was literally in the bathroom stall crying about the other guy leaving me for his ex, and after looking at their travel pictures and wishing I had a relationship–another guy contacted me less than 24 hours later asking to travel with me and talking to me about wanting a relationship. Although I am still grieving my break up with the other guy (I still want him); the new guy came in and made me feel so much better. I am moving forward with him because he is a good guy. This is a reminder that the universe is always listening. I know that the other guy will come back once I have forgot about him and moved completely on with the new guy. I’m going to be so happy to tell him that I’ve moved on.