Be Imperfect & Love Your Body Anyway.

I don’t have the best body in the world. Nor the most logically proportioned one. And yes, sometimes I think “ugh” and “can u not”. But I love it anyway.

I mean, why the fuck not.

  1. I grew it myself
  2. I’ve had it for years
  3. And I’m going to be in it for as long as I’m alive.

Might as well make the best of it. And making the best of it includes not being a dick to myself just because I’m not perfect.

photo-104

I’m aware of the weird things and imperfections that come with my body. My boobs are hardly even there and then there’s a curve to my tummy that basically says “ERROR ERROR 404 ABS NOT FOUND lolz thx 4 trying”.

I have a pretty big butt, especially if you compare it to the complete lack of curves on the boob-front. Now I know Sir Mix-A-Lot would totally be down with the butt, but there is a whole lot of hip and thigh that comes along with it.

I have been thinner and more toned than I am now. When I got my heart broken at 21 I couldn’t eat for six weeks and dropped two dress sizes. When I do a 30-day Bikram Yoga challenge I lose all my water weight and you see all the muscle tone from practicing every day. Which I think looks good. But I’ve always had sort of a ‘soft body’, and a total bottom-heavy curve.

image-7

Even now that I am not at my thinnest, with some extra butt dimples and tummy fat, I am kind to myself about my body. I no longer scream abuse in my head when I see something in the mirror I don’t like. I did that when I was young and it didn’t make me feel better or help me get any thinner – it just made me moody and in need of a comfort cupcake.

I try to be loving. I take care of myself. When I get out of the shower and I see something unflattering I just grin and move on. It’s not that important.

And I focus on the positive of this body. I’m healthy and I feel comfortable in this skin. I feel energetic and thanks to yoga I can fold myself around like a garden chair. Even with that big ass in the way.

And over time I decided that it’s ridiculous that I, or anyone else, would feel bad for not having a perfect body. Or walk around with looming, horrible insecurity complexes. They weigh you down, they serve no purpose: You can still strive for diet, fitness and weight goals fine without them too, all they do is get in the way. You should cut them loose.

Here’s why.

1. I am 25 years old, moderately attractive and people don’t throw garbage at me when they see me in my bikini or underwear. In fact, I’ve never seen anyone throw garbage at anyone because they were walking around half naked and they had chunky legs or a droopy butt.

This leads me to the conclusion we’re all doing okay, because other people really don’t care as much. People don’t go to the beach or the swimming pool to judge other people’s bodies (Plus if they did who would care about the opinion of an obvious LOON).

Also, the person who sees you in your underwear probably hasn’t gotten you that naked because he or she wants to judge all your body parts, separately and vigorously. They probably want to do other things to you. If you catch my drift.

2. In fact, people hardly seem to care about how YOU look at all. Honestly, humans all too self obsessed to notice other people the way they notice themselves. Just last year, I walked around an entire day with a Helena “Batshit Crazy Hair” Bonham  Carter hairdo. Nobody cared. Because I was friendly and I didn’t care either. I’m pretty sure the same applies when you might have cellulite or a pot belly.

3. “That’s all nice and dandy,” you might say, “BUT I CARE.”

Well, care all you want. Of course your opinion about your body is the most important one and other people shouldn’t even matter to begin with.

But considering yelling mean things to yourself about a body part is counter-effective and serves no purpose, try to replace that dysfunctional caring with either a functional or a friendly way of caring. Rub it, accept it, exercise it, tap it, change your perspective on it, LOVE IT. Care in a way that works and that makes you happy instead of miserable.

3. Speaking of caring, how important is it REALLY that you are not model-thin or have the perfect ass? In like, the global scheme of your life and ALL the things.

By all means, work for the body you want, I think this is good for you in terms of self-esteem, discipline and health.

But I personally think there are more important things in the world. Things like education, family, friendship, doing what you love, to name only a few. Excuse the cheesetastic statement, but I truly stand by it.

4. Just like there are FAR worse things than not being pretty and FAR better compliments than being called beautiful, if a layer of fat is the worst of your problems, you’re doing pretty good in life.

I’m not saying that to demean your insecurities or the (wonderful!) determination you might have to work it off, I’m just saying that maybe it’s not the most terrible problem you could have. And maybe you should keep that in mind a little when you’re beating yourself up over not looking perfect.

5. There are people who are aesthetically quite pleasing, yet their personality is like dumb, mean, hot garbage. Alternatively, I also know some people that might be on the plain (or even weird-looking) side of Beauty, but their personality is like a Theme Park of Amazing with Bumpercars of Kindness and Roller-coasters of Dazzling Intelligence.

And all of a sudden I look at them and I find them breath-takingly beautiful. And want to make out with their faces. I’ve been wildly attracted to people with very imperfect bodies because they were just epic. What I’m saying is, how we perceive beauty can be influenced by other factors. This applies to you too.

6. Look at the people around you that you think are beautiful (the ones in real life, let’s leave Victoria Secret Catalogues and Photoshop out of this). None of them are perfect.

I’m pretty sure you’ll tell me that they look wonderful, and that they’re fucking cute in their swimsuits or hot pants. EVEN though they have definite flaws or weird scars or whatever. Explain to me why that same principle wouldn’t apply to you. Why can’t YOU be cute even with your flaws? Are you the exception? Answer: No.

photo-103

I wanted to share this with you, because I have learned that I don’t have to be at my thinnest to be okay with how I look. Even when I’m bloated or lazy or when I look in the mirror and I see fat, I accept what I see and move on.

And I think it’s that body love that’s healthy and that gets you towards a healthy fit body way easier than the conditional “I’ll be happy with my body WHEN…” or “I’ll be satisfied with my body IF…”

Because if I look at myself in the mirror and I see something I don’t like I just shrug it off and move on with a mental comment to myself. “You know what, Dimple Butt? You’re still alright in my book.”

And then I go to yoga wearing tiny shorts without giving a single further fuck. The end.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

47 comments

  1. Thank you for writing this. This is just… what I needed. No more words. And also you look good, whether the whole ‘love your body speech’ had happened or not, that’s my opinion. And I love my body, most of the time, but I’m just improving it so it can even do better things (like running for more than 2K at this moments), that’s just okay right? That’s not me being super insecure and wanting to lose weight, right? Sometimes I really don’t know…

    1. Hi Leonie, thank you for commenting and being so nice and honest. To me it’s obvious that he act of improving your physical health and/or appearance can be linked to loving your body, because if you do that out of love you often get more results and feel tons better than when you do it out of insecurity or self-hatred. I do yoga because I wanna do a vertical split one day, that’s trying to improve something right there!

      And honey, you know your motives best. And you know what? If it’s 80% body love and self improvement and 20% insecure moments or liking it better if you would lose some weight, you’re still doing wonderful. Don’t worry. XO!

  2. YES. This is the physical expression of self-love. Once you’ve crossed that border to “Hey, I look quite alright”-land, everything becomes so much easier.

  3. Yay! Non-perfect bikinifoto’s 😀

    Ik heb hetzelfde ‘probleem’ als in vreemde lichaamsvormverdeling boob + buttwise.. Too much junk in the trunk. Maar ja, ach he.. Bespaart weer dure bh’s/bikini’s. Wel schijtirritant met broeken kopen.

    Oh en trouwens: ik zag ooit eens een plaatje (zo’n foute in comic sans) waarop iets stond van de volgende strekking:

    ‘You’re not ugly when you have striae, you’re a goddamn tigress who’s earned her stripes!’

    Sindsdien zit ik daar ook niet meer mee.

    Desondanks voel ik me nu beter dan 16 kg geleden, maar dat kan ook levensstijlgerelateerd zijn.

    1. Haha, ik had er bijna nog iets over die discussie tussen ons bij gezet maar dat paste uiteindelijk niet in het -toch al lange- stuk. Tigresses, unite!

  4. I want to share & like & love this on every single social media platform that’s out there. And email it to all my friends and family. And get hard copies to scatter around and randomly leave on trains and stuff.

    Honestly, I just want this article to turn into a person so I can take it to Vegas and put a ring around its finger!

  5. Yay. Ik find het echt super!
    Well done for expressing everything I feel when I look in the mirror in the morning.
    Positive attitudes are a must.

  6. Amen!
    This is just the complete story that I think of when I read this quote:
    “Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful.” – Sophia Loren

    Thank you for writing this!

  7. Thank you so much for writing this! I’ve been struggling a lot lately and know that accepting my body is an important hurdle that I need to overcome. Sometimes I make self-acceptance into such a complicated concept, so thank you for reminding me that it doesn’t have to be that hard 🙂

  8. I love you!

    Haha! Ik heb precies hetzelfde lichaamstype.
    M’n vriend zegt altijd hoe kan je zo’n kont hebben bij zo’n lijf.
    Jarenlang heb ik me kut gevoeld om mijn lak aan borst.
    Maar als ik jouw foto’s zie, denk ik: girl, you look good!!
    Dus misschien valt t bij mij dan ook wel mee haha!

    Maar dit is een van de redenen dat je blog zo goed is.. Dat je ‘t gewoon durft!
    En daar hou ik van! You rock

  9. Yes! Be fierce. You are brave for putting it out there, pictures and in words.
    What truly makes someone attractive, or sexy even, is the way they feel about themselves.

    The way you feel (and care) about yourself is an attitude to be envied.

  10. Great post, you look fabulous in that bikini! And don’t forget that our idea of what is a pretty body is very much culturally determined. In some rural parts of South Africa, men find skinny women very unattractive, as they want curves. Just like we Europeans do everything to get a tan – with an increase in skin cancer as a result – while Asians are spending millions of dollars on whitening facial creams and back in the 1700s a very white skin was the aesthetic ideal. Well functioning bodies are pretty perfect to begin with imo, whether curvy or boney or square or round. If you can feel your heart racing, if you can dance, if you can see and smell and hear and feel and experience the world with it, why wish for more?

  11. Hee, je kon mijn body-double zusje wel zijn!
    Greetings van een no boob- big but – broad hips gall 🙂

    Ik heb ook nog rechte en brede schouders er helemaal gratis bij gekregen… echt, van die bikini’s waarbij broekje en topje in 1 maat zijn, never gonna happen 😉

    Je mag er dubbel en dik zijn en ik sta 100% achter je tekst hierboven. Ik moet alleen mijn lichaam nog net ietsje meer leren accepteren… Sinds ik ging samenwonen is er 10kg bijgekomen en dat is gewoon echt te veel. 10 jaar geleden had ik zo’n metabolisme waarbij ik alles kon eten en niks bijkwam maar die tijd is helaas al lang voorbij. Daarnaast ben ik haast zeker dat ik allergisch ben voor sporten dus dat helpt ook al niks. Maar, ik ben gezond en zie er nog steeds lang niet slecht uit denk ik dan maar 😉

  12. You are so so right, and I love this post, and you look GOOD! Shake what your mama gave ya and all that.
    But nonetheless I am still working towards saying I look good to myself in the mirror. I have been a complete a**hole to myself when checking myself out.
    So I changed a few things, took better care of my eating habits, went to exercise more, and lo and behold, my body changed for the better, and is still changing and I love it, most of the time. Although I dropped a dress size too and my butt is perky now (thank you god for squats), I am still not always happy.
    And I have come to realize not only my body had to change, my mind has to change as well.
    So that is going to be my next adventure, all the way while keep eating healthy (and sometimes chocolate, cause come on. Chocolate) and exercising, ’cause I do feel way better in my skin now and that is awesome.

    So yeah, thank you for this post. I will read it from time to time to remind me being kind to myself 🙂

  13. Wat heb je toch een fijne blog chick, heerlijk! En yay voor kleine titties en no abs en gewoon in je broekie naar de yoga. You’re so right!

  14. Love je stukje.
    Een paar jaar geleden schreef ik ook een stukje waarin ik aangaf hoe tevreden ik was met mijn lichaam. En dat was ik ook echt, heel lang. Toen ik zwanger was genoot ik van de zwangerschapsgloed en mijn bolle buik en mijn volle haar en was ik trots dat mijn lichaam een kindje kon dragen.

    Maar toch, en toch, verdomme, ik had het nooit verwacht, heb ik nu een “mixed relationship” met mijn body (Facebook zou zeggen “its complicated”)(zie ook 1 van mijn laatste stukjes [/spam]). En ik haat het, dat ik zo denk. Want ik was er zo trots op dat ik heel lang NIET zo dacht.
    Er zijn genoeg momenten dat ik denk: well well well, look at that babe. Maar er zijn ook momenten dat ik denk: nee ugh. Bah. Die stomme buik.

    Ik werk er, as we speak, hard aan om een positieve feeling te krijgen over mijn lichaam. In je eerste boek schreef je dat “je lichaam goed voor je zorgt”. En dat helpt mij. My body takes care of me. I might as well love it back.

    xxx meerschrijvenok xxxx

  15. LOVE this post. My body is pretty much exactly the same as yours. Defo pear shape, not much in the booby area but plenty down the back!! :).

    When I was younger I was really insecure but as I have got older I have realised there is a lot more important things going on in mine and others worlds and eventually learned to love my body. Once you learn to appreciate what you have life seems a lot more happy!!

  16. This made me want to cry of pure happiness and recognition! This is one of the reasons I think you are so inspirational and downright awesome 😀 I think all women struggle with the issues that you have described so adequately, especially in summertime. Thank you for making me feel better about me, and for sharing so intimately with us readers! You rock that body like nobody’s business and I love your tattoo on you <3 Keep at it!! We're right behind you 🙂

  17. herkenbaar. ik heb ongeveer jouw lichaam alleen wat meer vet op mijn buik.
    Ik ga het steeds meer accepteren omdat er zoveel vrouwen zijn die dikker zijn.
    Als je gaat zwemmen is 80% niet slank.

    Het belangrijkste is zelfvertrouwen.

  18. Thank you so much for writing this and being so open and honest, very inspiring!
    I’ve been struggling with my body image for as long as I can remember, and it actually was so not worth the time… When I was in my teens/twenties I cancelled a lot of parties and avoided social get-togethers because I thought I did not look good… All the fun I’ve missed…
    The last years I’ve been working on that and I don’t let it stand in the way of living a good life anymore. But acceptance is still the final hurdle…working on it ;-). I have embraced my curves (butt and boobs!), my boyfriend has always loved them.
    Thanks again, you look great!

  19. Twee keer gelezen, omdat het kon. Het meeste wat jij schrijft komt vaak met een Halleluja licht uit mijn beeldscherm gestraald. Nu ook weer!

  20. Super dat je jezelf gewoon op de foto zet en trots bent op je lichaam! (wat eigenlijk heel normaal hoort te zijn) Heel mooi geschreven ook, als ik weer eens een onzeker momentje heb pak ik dit artikel er zeker bij! 🙂

    Ik heb je trouwens genomineerd voor de Liebster award. Op mijn blog staat een artikel erover met meer informatie. x

  21. Thank you for writing this!! I love your crazy funny and direct approach to kinda serious issues we all stress about in secret. Our bodies are all that we are born into this world with – we should love them!! Thank you =) =)

  22. This is an amazing post. This is what people should say to each other. This is what they should show on tv or in magazines. I bookmarked this article soooooo hard the buttons on my laptop nearly broke. Love love love LOVE!

  23. Yesss, Lianne. Dit is mijn gedachtengang van de laatste tijd. Trainen en bodygoals: yay! Van m’n lichaam op dit exacte moment houden en de andere functies die het heeft: ook heel erg yay!

    Applausje voor jou en je lichaam.