Gratitude List: The Break Up Edition.

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So, I was trying to write a blog to update you about what is going on in my life, but it was all very much “what the fuck” and “MY LIFE SUCKS” and I just couldn’t make it work.

My 4-year relationship with Will ended last week.

All I can tell you about that is that I’m finding that I am at that awful grown-up age where you can no longer just hate your ex just because he’s your ex.

Damn you, adulthood.

Instead, you now just love someone you can no longer be with. Ugh.

Anyway. In the midst of it all, I feel a lot of gratitude too. I may be sad and unlucky in some aspects, I’m still blessed with a bunch of people and a bunch of things, and I like to honour that.

And since the alternative is ignoring my blog while staring vacantly into space , I’m writing to express this gratitude. So, gratitude list: The Break Up Edition. Sorry if I sound bitter. I’m told it will pass.

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HOME FOR NOW Yeah, okay, the planets aligned to destroy my relationships and my envisioned future, so that was pretty shitty, Universe.

But circumstances and amazing family delivered a new place for me to live within three days of the break up.

My aunt has been living with her boyfriend, his daughter and their dog for like a year now. Her place, the cutest and most photogenic house ever, with tinted windows and my aunt’s impeccable decorating, had been empty for most of that time. She offered me her house to live in for a while. Which I think is amazing.

Yes, I miss my old place and Rotterdam, but that’s because of the life that I had there with someone I love. If I have to start over, this is an incredibly fortunate situation to be in.

I love the kitchen, so I still cook for myself. The bed is perfect. I have a bath, which is one of my favourite indulgences in winter and in heartbreak. I have a teeny tiny office to write and work in. There is a supermarket 5 minutes from where I live, and it takes me only half an hour to get to work with public transit. All in all, things to be grateful for.

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THE VIEW When I go to work in the morning, this is one of the first things I see when I step out the door. And when I come home at night or walk to the supermarket, I smile seeing this. Obviously I’m not the most festive person at the moment, but I love this Christmas tree.

YOU GUYS When I addressed the break up on Twitter, a wave of support hit my mentions. I feel awkward about replying to all of it this late, because what can I say, really, but I’m telling you now: I saw it. Just like the emails, the sweet DMs and the comments on Instgram.

I saw it all. And I appreciate it. And I don’t forget. Thank you.

Also, you are now all collectively my boyfriend.

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MY PARENTS For being strong and supportive and delivering me at my new doorstep with my stuff and a bag of groceries.

LIN For bringing me some of my stuff, buying me ice-cream and Rituals scented candles and checking in with me from time to time.

TIM I share my office with a roommate and when the first thing I did walking in on Monday was burst into tears Tim didn’t even flinch. He just hugged me, sat me down, listened to me and got me a cup of tea.

MY FAMILY My cousin dropped off cookies and cookie dough, AND drove me to my old apartment Friday to get some more of my personal belongings.

I get supportive emails and texts from all the slow-typing family members ever. They’re the best. Oh, and my grandma has already gone back to praying for me to get a good husband. Lol. Good luck with that.

MY FRIENDS Friends checking in via Whatsapp and email. Old friends on Facebook messaging me if I want to get a drink. So many Christmas party invitations. People wanting me to come to their New Year bash. A student who made me two giant batches of soup and a pasta dish. Blog friends texting.

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  • My aunt subtly putting a bottle of Moët champagne in my fridge when she came over for dinner this week. “If you’re gonna drink and cry, at least drink the good stuff”
  • Love To’s ‘Queen of the Clouds’ album (my favourite songs are Talking Body and Not On Drugs)
  • Going to bed straight after dinner and sleeping.
  • The Jane Yellowrock books by Faith Hunter. They’re kind of terrible, but also really awesome.
  • Netflix: Hannibal, Captain America, Wreck-It Ralph and How I Met Your Mother.
  • Tom who when I canceled on our video (the one we made at I Love Beauty Event wasn’t useable) was a good sport and offered to let me bitch about guys to him whenever I want to. See you in 2015, Tom.
  • Culy’s Way of Life. The only cookbook I took with me for now: Not for the recipes, but for Monique’s philosophy on food and eating. Love it.
  • The fact that my new kitchen has a Nespresso machine (hello latte) and a really good oven (hello baking therapy).

So yeah.

That’s what is going on with me right now.

See you later.

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43 comments

  1. Wat enorm shit!! Ik had een veel bitterder artikel verwacht, wat ben je nog positief. Heel veel sterkte de komende tijd!

    PS Durf bijna niet te reageren omdat het zo persoonlijk is en ik een full-time lurker ben – dus negeer dit maar als het heel ongepast is.

  2. Holy crap, didn’t see that one coming! You guys seemed so happy 🙁

    Keep up the gratitude thing darling, it really helps. Sending you LOTS of love & wishing you a shitload of Ben & Jerry’s, Netflix and warm blankets xxxx

  3. Wat een lieve mensen om je heen. Vind het heel erg voor je. Merry Christmas en laat je vooral door iedereen vermaken en in de watten leggen. Liefs!

  4. Hier ook een pretty much full-time lurker…maar dit lezen zonder te reageren voelt al helemaal ongepast dus wou toch even zeggen dat ik je blogs altijd graag lees en met je meeleef, dus ja, ook van mij HUG want break-ups zijn altijd enorm shitty.

  5. Och jeetje jij! Dikke knuffel. Een jaar geleden ondertussen al hier ook het einde van lange relatie en samenwonen. Ik zie me daar nog zitten in dat huis toen, in dat dorpje. Beteren doet het echt wel, ik heb gelukkig niet elk seizoen van het jaar moeten meemaken voordat ik eroverheen was, integendeel zelfs, maar toen nooit gedacht dat mijn leven zo goed zou zijn vandaag. Lianne, koppie op en hier en daar inderdaad de nodige champagne.

  6. So sorry to hear about your breakup, but it really sounds like you have som great friends and family! Hope things will look better in the new year!
    All love!

  7. You are an amazing person Lianne.To write a gratitude list whilst going through the pain of a break up is just amazing and shows how strong you are. I’m happy to read you’ve got all those wonderful people around you and that you found a nice place to stay in. Sending you a lot of positive vibes and love, take care! *hugs*

  8. I follow your blog all time. I’m so sorry for all thats going on with you right now!

    As cheesy as it sounds, everything does happen for a reason, and whatever reason it is this time, will be so worth it. Sounds like you already know how lucky you are to have that amazing support system, so you’re going to be just fine. 🙂

  9. Heartbreak sucks. BIG time. I remember thinking that I even felt it physically in my heart. Like someone was holding my heart and just squeezed it until it hurts and couldn’t breath anymore.

    Sending you lots of love…

  10. Wow, what an amazing support system you have there! If it helps, I think it’s very rare to find people that come of a heartbreak as graciously and charming as you have. You’re sense of humour, gratitude and endearing outlook of life are so beautiful! Maybe this will sound awful and you might itch after you read this, but it is his loss! (and you probably know that). Continue being the strong and happy woman that you are! Enjoy this new chapter wherever it might lead you!

  11. 🙁 Wat naar zeg!! Sterkte en het komt uiteraard allemaal wel goed, alleen nu is alles even heel stom lijkt me. (wel heel fijn dat je een bad hebt trouwens)

  12. Wat shit dat je relatie voorbij is. Goed dat je toch nog allemaal positieve dingen kan benoemen. You’re awesome! I want to send you some Tony Chocolonely caramel sea salt right now, you deserve it!

  13. i’ve been meaning to say for a while: i’ve been thinking of you a lot recently and i feel for you and all the love and give me a shout if there’s anything i can do or be.

  14. Wow Lianne, ik las dit zondag al en schrok er enorm van! Ik las altijd met respect en bewondering je verhem over jullie leven samen, het zag eruit alsof jullie dat echt op een fijne manier samen hadden opgebouwd. Het lijkt me een enorme schok dat dat nu weg is, een beetje alsof life as you know it tot een einde komt. Veel sterkte in deze donkere dagen en laat je er niet onder krijgen:)

  15. Heftig. Van mij ook een knuffel! En je hebt een mooie gratitude list gemaakt, ik krijg ook weer zin er eentje te maken (is weer veel te lang geleden voor mij).