Quick Easy Three Category Self Help System

self help drag queen


So, I thought of something, then I wrote it down, and now you’re scrolling through it while in bed, at work, stuck in traffic or not paying attention during a lecture (FOCUS!)

Good for us. I love us.


Few things are more beneficial than taking a look at your life and going “but…what am I doing? No, but what am I really doing?” and taking a moment to think about your own actions (and their consequences!)

And you can totally do that without multilevel constructions and complicated analysis. Just use this easy and quick self help system with three categories and you’re good to go.

I noticed I could basically divide everything I do into three categories: Self Destructive, Properly Functioning and Self Actualizing.

SELF DESTRUCTIVE In this category you can file all the behavior that wrecks your life, that has more negative consequences than positive. From hanging with a toxic person to eating too much junk, from constantly being late to over caffeinating, from slacking to talking yourself down: All the shit you do that you know is actually shitty.

PROPERLY FUNCTIONING This is the stuff that keeps you alive and afloat day to day. It’s nothing too amazing, but it’s the things you do for yourself that keep your life from being a hot mess. Examples would be taking your vitamins, doing your taxes, calling your grandmother, eating your veggies and meeting deadlines.

SELF ACTUALISATION Everything that makes you thrive. Things that give you tons of energy and make you feel amazing. Anything you do that has an amazingly positive effect on your well being in whatever way. Spiritually, physically, emotionally, mentally: Anything that makes you grow and glow.

I started thinking about what I do in terms of these three categories.

Because some things I do, knowing full well that I’m better than that. Yet I still do them*. Other things I do because I know it’s the right thing to do (and I don’t want to ruin my life), and some other other things I do because the positive effect they have on my life is so great that they are worth doing.

By putting it into the three categories, you simply have to face facts: Action A falls into this category, Action B in the other. Behavior X is smart, Behavior Y is stupid. There’s no way around it anymore.

self help hipster three way

These are the main examples, but most of my behavior falls in one of these three categories. It’s what you do simplified, and clarified.

And. Radical idea: What if we do as little as possible of the Dumbass Behavior, and as much as we can of the things that fall into the Reasonable Adulting and Thrive Style categories?!

You can name the categories to your own liking. I chose these three because they work for me, but you could go with anything! Fail, ok, WINNING. D-, C+, A++. Frowny Face, Neutral Face, Smiley face. Loser, Competer, Champion. Whatever works.

Still need some extra examples? Okay then.

self help katniss everdeen


  • If you have been doing too much of the Self Destructive stuff, try building up with more Properly Functioning activities. Move into the Self Actualisation column slowly but steadily.
  • If you’re too busy or too sad, don’t be too hard on yourself: Just focus on staying OUT of the Self Destructive category and IN the Reasonable Adulting one. Occasionally venture not the Thrive Style one if you feel so inclined.
  • You can dedicate a (part of your) day to just Functional Behavior or Self Actualisation to pep yourself up.
  • You can compile lists of the different categories and check how often you do them. See how you rate in terms of self destructiveness, functioning and self actualisation.

Alright, I hope you like this article. Do some Self Actualising for yourself today, okay? Talk soon.

 *What is with that? Sometimes I hate being human.

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  1. Love this. Ik wil dit doen.

    Maar wat nou als de destructieve dingen (de hele nacht opblijven en oude afleveringen van Private Practice kijken) ook de dingen zijn waar je je geweldig van gaat voelen (Charlotte King is mijn spirit animal)? :/

    1. Kwestie van eigen oordeel vellen: Spareribs eten in bed terwijl ik Teen Wolf kijkt klinkt vreselijk rood maar als ik het 1 x in de paar maanden doe is het sowieso een groene actie!

  2. Heel leuk dit! Ik vind het alleen moeilijk om het verschil te zien tussen de groene en de oranje categorie. Ik voel me namelijk wel eens een held als ik iets doodnormaals doe (bvb….. onder mijn bed stofzuigen) maar andersom ben je ook wel eens te blasé om te erkennen dat je iedere dag iets supergoeds doet voor jezelf (bvb, elke dag mediteren).

  3. Hahahah ik moest zo hard lachen om Bella Swan.
    Maar thanks voor dit artikel! Merk inderdaad dat als ik wat minder goed in me vel zit, vooral ‘self destructive’ dingen aan het doen ben, terwijl ik dan eigenlijk in de oranje en groene categorie moet gaan zitten!

  4. Love your post! I could so use something like this. I am an avid self help reader and I will be back here for sure. I would recommend a great read with short stories by Catherine Auman, her book always has something that get’s me back to center. It’s called Shortcuts to Mindfulness. A great read in the self help dept. Her site is catherineauman.com, worth a look!

  5. At first I was like: but wait, Bella doesn’t make out with Jacob in Eclipse, she does that in New Moon… but then I remembered him kissing her and she breaking her hand. Right. Guess I pushed that one away – major Team Edward here.

    No, but really. I like this thingy. I’ll try it!