(This article appeared on Evolyfe before, but since that concept is long gone I wanted to share it on my own website. Originally written in Januari this yar, but still relevant, to all relationships.)
I believe in connections between two people. In lovers, in friends, in family members, in people who are close. I have this crazy, wicked thing with my best friend where I can tell if she’s happy or sad, if she’s emotionally open or closed. I can feel it even if she’s across the Atlantic.
Connections can be more easily established with some than others, but by making contact with someone you turn a connection ‘on’. Everything you do to invest in the other person, making them feel safe and loved, will further strengthen the connection. Loving someone, and especially falling in love is like infusing that connection with an electric power chord.
Connecting with another person is one of the most beautiful things in our lives. And whereas a big part of creating, strengthening and deepening this connection is a two-man job, I have found two strategies to make a connection deeper, fix an (underlying) issue in a relationship, or simply to improve the current connection, all on your own.
Because I’ve found that a lot of the stuff that goes on in my interpersonal relationships is stuff that’s actually going on inside me. Call that Freudian or a little cookoo, I know that my relationships reflect parts of myself and how I choose to deal with things. Therefore I know I can personally fix a lot of interpersonal shit without needing to include or bother the other person. Hence, this article.
MEET JIMMY. HE’S GOING TO MY EXAMPLE THROUGHOUT THE ARTICLE.
I’d be the first to say that actual telepathic communication is probably not going to happen between me and Jimmy. I’d never rule it out completely, simply because there are processes both in the brain and the outside world I don’t know anything about, but up until this point Jimmy never called me up after with the ten items on the grocery list I just telepathically faxed him. However, the strategy still works. Here’s what I do:
- Whenever I want to strengthen the bond with Jimmy, because I feel close to him or want to feel closer to him, I send him love and light whenever I think of him.
- When I haven’t seen Jimmy in a while, I send out my affection for him and an image of us hugging or having a good time. Interestingly, more often than not Jimmy calls me soon after. Never with the grocery list, though.
- If me and Jimmy are in an argument and I’m not physically near him, I sometimes reach out with love, softness and affection to wherever he is, to assure him that I still love him, honor our connection and want to work things out.
- Whenever I’m having trouble with Jimmy, I open up the connection and explain how I feel. When Jimmy has hurt me, I send him that the’s hurt me (without attaching a Tsunami of Anger) and when I think I have hurt Jimmy, I apologize. Rest assured I always do it in person too, but by prepping like this I feel both parties are more susceptible to solving an argument.
These strategies may not actually open up a telepathic dialogue, but it can be so good for you and your relationship to send the other person things like this.
For one thing, you open up to them mentally and emotionally; by creating that openness it becomes easier to communicate in person. Also, you may start solving issues you have that come from within and if there is anything I’ve learnt thus far is that if you can solve things inside yourself, you can solve everything outside yourself.
If you start the telepathic (or if you prefer the more sceptical term: imaginary) dialogue, you begin to figure out out how you feel, what you want, how to express yourself. Whether it gets to the other person or not, you create better, deeper connections from the inside out.
I don’t really go with God, I go with Gut. Whatever my gut tells me, is usually very on point (not to mention crucial). I try to use this with every area in my life, but I have found it incredibly beneficial when it comes to my relationships as well. It’s a pretty simply strategy, really.
First (this is probably the hardest): I have to calm the fuck down. I am very human, ruled by my emotions, terrified of not being loved. Things like that can throw my intuition for loop where I basically reason from my fear and negative emotions. I need to be still before I can trust my instincts. So, I take a few deep breaths and focus on my inside. Usually that calms me down.
Now, I can do two things. One, I can just be quiet and listen to whatever comes up. The upside is that I get a lot of answers. The downside is that I don’t always know what the question was, so where to apply it can become a little too much of connect-the-dots. The other, more directed strategy is to keep a specific question in mind. Such as:
- “What can I do to improve my relationship with Jimmy?”
- “Why am I acting this way towards Jimmy?”
- “What does Jimmy need?”
- “How can I help Jimmy?”
- “Jimmy” (keeping just the person in mind can give you a lot of information too)
And then, you just observe what happens in your head. Thoughts, feelings, images, sudden urges to do something. They’re clues, and they could be very useful. If you’re forgetful and easily distracted like I am: write that shit down. Seriously. It can make the difference between knowing something and using what you know. Whatever you’ve found, however surprising or deceivingly simply, think about it. Try to implement it. See if it’s right. Trust your gut.
By doing this, I often figured out things. Allowing more freedom between me and Jimmy, showing Jimmy more affection, sharing more of my thoughts with Jimmy, taking Jimmy on an adventure. So far, none of the things I learnt from this technique made things worse, only better.
Whether you believe in the mechanisms behind them, these techniques can still work for you. You not only can experience a great deal of inner peace and trust in yourself when you do this you also start thinking in answers and solutions instead of ruminating on questions and problems You become an active, improvement-oriented person and your relationships will surely benefit.
Even if nothing else, it relaxes yourself and that’s always worth something. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to have an imaginary dialogue with Taylor “Jail Bait” Lautner and it’s not going to be suitable for children. Later!