(Ph by Aline Bouma)
I wrote an article about blogging before, and I was a total bitch about everything.
You promoting your sub-par articles (three times a day), following-and-then-unfollowing-as-soon-as-they-follow-back strategies, leaving comments on other blogs that are mainly so you’ll generate traffic (you’re fooling nobody, not even when you attempt to make the comment ‘meaningful’), schmoozing up to the big-timers, buying your audience?
I’m not here for it. I will never be here for it.
However, I am here, and you’re just going to have to deal.
And I have more tips. So I figured I’d be a total bitch about blogging some more. These blogging tips from a bitch might help make you the awesome and interesting person you can be if you drop all the nonsense.
Of course, this is all my personal opinion. But it’s worth listening to.
I know blogging, I know people and sweetie?
I don’t care enough about you to lie.
FOUR REASONS WHY PEOPLE READ YOUR SHIT:
1) You do things that are interesting enough to read about.
2) You write well enough that you can write about anything and make it sound interesting.
3) You are able do both of the options mentioned above. While spelling correctly. Jackpot and congratulations you are the Internet’s Holy Grail. Never leave.
4) The popular, often used final option, that does not require much talent on your part (YAY!): People have extreme voyeuristic tendencies. We want to see other people do things for no good goddamn reason*. So congrats. If you’re moderately tolerable to the majority of people you might become successful without needing any skills.
Most likely, people want to read about activities, adventures or things that they are curious about and want to know more of. Writing about anything that most people strive for is likely to make people read your blog. We like to read about cool places, goals that are achieved, interesting lives, fitness, success, happiness.
Should you start accomplishing shit just so you can blog? Fuck no! That won’t even work. But if there are things you DO want to accomplish, writing about it will help you stay motivated and on goal. And we will like to read about it. Especially if you make shit happen.
The other possibility is that we want to read about anything, including relatively mundane topics, when you are a great writer. You know, when you’re the type that can actually string a sentence together without at least three major grammatical fuck ups.
This works especially well if we recognise the struggles and thoughts of the writer. This applies to a lot of mommy blogs, blogs of people with chronic illnesses and the regular student- or 20-something blogs.
Like, I don’t want to offend you but your child is not as interesting to me as it is to you. Neither is your last hospital visit (where they found nothing) or your last exam score (which was average). But if you write about it in a way that is funny, beautiful or touching: I will read it anyway and start caring about child, hospital visits and exam scores. Damn you.
FIFTH REASON WHY WE READ YOUR SHIT: YOU SEEM CRAZY TOWN (NOT THE BAND).
Delicate topic, but I need to address the big melodramatic crying elephant in the room.
There is something you should always be weary of attracting. This, my dears, is Train Wreck Tourism.
People are voyeurs, and they like looking into other people’s lives. But they LOVE seeing other people who seem like they’re completely off the rails. People are
interested morbidly fascinated by you if you are a disaster, in whatever capacity.
Because you put your mental issues all over our feed.
Because you stir up drama with other bloggers.
Because your boyfriend cheated on you and you make no secret of that and how angry you are, but you still FUCKING STAY.
Because you are balls deep in some sort of psychotic, paranoid episode or other type of disorder.
Because you photoshop your pictures beyond the point of recognition.
Because your boyfriend is actually married and a total douchebag but you think it makes for an interesting story.
(Please note: These are fucking real live examples I have seen online.)
An argument against my Train Wreck Tourism stance, and pro sharing all of your shit always seems to be: “But I’m helping other people by sharing what I am going through so they feel they’re not alone.”
Okay, fine. That is the only argument that sways me to be more mild-mannered towards you. I believe in vulnerability, honesty and that we need to share to connect with each other. So, sure. Got me there.
If you can talk about it and do something good. FINE.
But are you really doing that? Are you not just reeling in sympathy comments for YOUR sake? And in severe cases beyond the “I feel like shit because X”, I’m not sure if the benefits are actually there. Nor if they outweigh the costs for you personally in the end.
Just think. If you are not an anonymous blogger (and it’s very likely you’re not): Think of people you know. Your mom, your classmates, your old friends from high school. Because they might be reading. In fact, some of them already are.
And, barfing your issues all over the Internet it does not benefit your life in any way, and might even negatively impact it and the people around you. You’re better off writing in private, anonymously on Tumblr, talking to a therapist or a close friend.
My point? For the love of GOD, don’t be the train wreck.
Get off the
train Internet and fix your shit.
*When I say ‘we’ I mean ‘we’. I am exactly the same. I recently found myself reading about someone’s reading habits. And how they drink their tea. If I like you, I like reading about whatever is happening in your life.