Here’s the thing. I have a tendency to abuse coffee. And I’m not saying you should never drink coffee, that you should always completely exclude things from your lifestyle or your diet, because I actually believe that it’s okay to indulge every once in a while and do things you want to do.
But I, personally, have a tendency to overextend the amount of caffeinne my body can deal with. Whenever I’m at work, I tell myself ‘No! No coffee today!’ and yet: the first break that comes, I’m standing in line at the coffee shop and I order a big tall latte. That is NOT practicing what my inner smart voice is preaching. Because I know I get jittery and headachy when I drink a lot of coffee, I get writer’s block, I mess up my sleeping pattern and I feel queezy at the end of the day. I always regret it.
My video is not in tune with my audio. I say I shouldn’t drink coffee and yet I find myself guzzling down lattes at every chance I get, knowing full well this is not as I intended. And then I get an inner dialogue from one side going “Oh, it’s okay, it’s just one cup, you don’t have to exclude, yadi yadi yada.” And then there is the other side going: “DUDE. YOU CANNOT KEEP MEASURE. Once you drink one cup, you follow with four others and then we have to deal with all the consequences for like three days. CUT IT THE FUCK OUT. YOU NEED TO STOP.”
I know full well that the last voice (although losing points for using Caps Lock) is right when it comes to me and coffee. Which is why I now declare I am going without coffee from hereonout. If I am going to be all Alcoholic ‘Can’t Stop After One’ about coffee, then I just shouldn’t drink the stuff. As long as I cannot keep measure, I should not drink coffee.
The thing is the moment you decide you’re not going to do it anymore, you can just let it go and not think about it anymore. No more inner debates going on, no more giving the whiny part of yourself a stage in your head: you have made up your mind and that is just the way it’s going to be. You don’t need to occupy your precious cognitive processes with this. You made up your mind, no need to waste any more thought on it. Let it go.
Same with yoga. I overthink my yoga all the time. What class, if every day, maybe six days a week, how many doubles I want to do, maybe I should do even more and aaaaah, I just drive myself insane with it. Problem is, all this overthinking and debating of whether or not I’m going, when I’m going, how many more times a week I’m going is driving me nuts. And not just that, it occupies cognitive processes that would be better off dedicated to more important things! It drains a lot of mental energy that could have been used in way more useful fashions than the whole ‘how, but, if, when,’ etc of how many yoga classes I should take a week.
And that reminded me of the phases when I just went to yoga every day. After only a few days, it took hardly any effort. A week in, I didn’t even think about it anymore. I wasted no time, no effort on the idea of whether or not I should be going or not. I just went. No inner dialogues, no whiny voices in my head, no opinions of people around me interfering with my yoga practice, no inner shit thrown at the whole ‘how much yoga a week’ question. How lovely that idea now seemed to me. No more ‘yes’ versus ‘no’, no more ‘maybe this’ or ‘maybe that’. You make the decision, and you stick to it.
So, I decided I’m just going to go to yoga everyday. I know it can be done and I know I can do it because I’ve done it before. I can do whatever I want in other terms, I don’t have to do anything in terms of doubles, certain times or anything, I’m just going to go to yoga every day.
Starting a habit always takes way more energy than keeping a habit up: that can be done reasonably effortless. That creates so much mental space. When something is a habit, a chain, a streak, an unbroken chain of events it doesn’t require any mental processes or energy anymore: you do it on auto-pilot.So that’s why I’m not going to argue with myself about these things anymore.
SO. I do not drink coffee. I am done with coffee: I may like the taste but the consequences (that last way longer than the taste) are not worth it. And I go to yoga every day. I know it’s good for me and the only thing getting in the way of my yoga is not fatigue or muscle issues, it’s my ego fucking me up. And I’m done with that.
And that’s the end of two inner dialogues. I should have cut this bullshit short months ago.