5 Tips For Flirting (& Being Socially Awesome.)

After my Law of Attraction & Lovers article, maybe you feel all inspired and ready, but you need a little boost in handy social tricks. Well: I provide, baby. I provide.

1. Be approachable. If you have Chronic Bitch Face nobody dares to come near you. If you don’t look anyone in the eye, you’re not very inviting Small Talk&Flirt Material. If you always sit in a corner with your arms crossed and averted from the crowd, very few people will be brave enough to come near you.It’s very natural to ‘close’ yourself (looking away, arms crossed, bitch face) when you’re shy, an introvert or just find yourself in an uncomfortable or unfamiliar situation, but it’s very rewarding to fight the urge!

When I first entered the tattoo shop, I felt so awkward I wanted to melt in a little pool of Untattooed Nerd. It was very crowded, all these heavily inked people with other body modifications and nobody would talk to me. I fought my absolute hardest to keep from fleeing crossing my arms, kept a smile on my face and looked around like it was no big deal I was all by myself in there while nobody would talk to me. After five minutes of feeling like a huge dork, I finally caught the attention of someone who worked there who approached me. If I hadn’t kept my open body language, I’d still be standing there, feeling awkward and pretending to admire the cool wall paper.

So make sure you have an open enough composure that people won’t be terrified of talking to you. Maintain a friendly, open face, look people in the eye and for fuck’s sake don’t cross your arms. It’s like a big neon ‘Keep Out’ Sign over your head. Oh and keep the difference in mind between being approachable and being creepy.

2. Smile. It’s not creepy, it’s not an instant marriage proposal, it’s not sad or desperate. A smile is just a smile. It’s nice, it’s friendly and if the other person wants to, he can smile back and/or say ‘hi’ and/or strike up a conversation. I smile to (almost) everyone. If they want to think I’m crazy because of that, fine. If it makes them smile back and talk to me, even better!

3. Be genuinely interested in people. I don’t know if you noticed before, but people are super fascinating. At least to me they are. I know very little boring people and I can always find something interesting about them. What’s more, people love to know that they’re fascinating. This means the chances of someone being offended if you ask them a question are actually quite slim, especially if you’ve noticed something out of the ordinary about them. You can ask all sorts of (not too impolite) questions about themselves that you may genuinely want to know the answer to! That starts a conversation.

Be interested in the person in front of you. Not because you want to get into their pants, not because you believe they’re your Mr Perfect, not because you believe that they are your Salvation For Loneliness or anything like that, but talk to them because you’re interested in them.

4. Go new places. A great way to increase your chances of meeting new people, practicing your open body language, training social skills and getting your flirt on is to go new places. Maybe out of town for a weekend, a language course at the university you go to, but this can also be just the bar next to your usual bar. Mix things up. Go out of your comfort zone into interesting new bars, buildings, towns and countries. Who knows who you’ll meet?!

5. Wear a conversation starter (or spot them!). This is a little different from the ones above…but whenever I wear my Angel Wing ring, my big-ass sneakers or a crazetastic Adidas legging, people strike up conversation about them. I had the same with a few old shirts (David&Goliath, remember those? Bless!) and an old boyfriend jeans. Something that stands out, that people may like, gives them a reason/excuse to talk to you!

Similarly, when I see someone with a kick-ass Brigitte Bardot T-shirt, customized Nikes, a Star Wars Hoodie or a gorgeous necklace, I always compliment or comment, which results in a pleasant conversation nine times out of ten!

So basically you can go two ways with this. Be the Wearer or be the one to comment on the Wearer. Either way, it opens a conversation window and who knows what possibilities may flow from that…!

And there you have it. Now go outside and get your flirt on. And if you’re happily married and don’t want to flirt, go out and make a couple of new friends. Never stop expanding your world and social circles: there are too many wonderful people out there!

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  1. Yes! More flirting in the world please! And indeed, not necessarily flirting that says “omg have sex with me so I can have your babies” but because the world’s awesome, people are pretty and we should say so more often. Because, well.. because why the hell not? So little to lose and so much to gain.

    1. EXACTLY. Flirting is just telling someone they’re awesome, not necessarily in a ‘Hump Me’ kind of way.

  2. Whehe ik las laatst ergens een mooie quote “Imagine everyone wearing an invisible sign that says MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL.” iets in die trant 🙂 en het is echt een goeie om over na te denken.

    Ik lach ook veel naar mensen, geinige reacties soms met dezelfde gedachte als je beschrijft bij punt 2.. zo’n vragende blik alsof er iets bijzonders aan de hand is? verbazing.. its just a smile 😀 voel me soms net pipi langkous in een boze wereld.

    I love going to new places.! zelfs een andere route naar de supermarkt kan al wonderen doen 🙂 al is t maar een klein btje binnenpret.

    1. Wow dat vind ik echt zo’n leuke quote en ook zo’n andere route dat is ook echt iets voor mij om te doen. Leuke comment dus! 😉

  3. love this. glimlachen helpt altijd.
    en ik heb een grote rode hello kitty tas. gisteren in de lift nog complimentjes over gekregen.