(…But it can help!)
I remember a few years back someone told me: “You’re this type of person everyone loves to be around.” To this day that’s one of the biggest compliments I’ve ever had the pleasure of receiving. Lately, as I’ve been taken a few good looks in the mirror, I think it is the very explanation to why people think I’m beautiful, while sorry, objectively I’m not really (that) beautiful. Which is fine, I am not a monster or anything but I get called ‘pretty’ more often than is objectively true.
Disclaimer: I am fully aware that I am plenty flawed in the beauty department. For the purpose of this post though, I am stating that some people think I’m pretty. Which is sweet.
Don’t get me wrong, I look nice enough. I have a reasonable mainframe to work with. But there are some completely different things about me that install a Prettify Filter upon people’s perception of my appearance. But I don’t think it has much to do with physical things, much more with things that are attractive to -like the girl said- be around.
For one thing, I like who I am. Of course, I am aware of my flaws and the things I want to improve about who I am, but I am generally very much myself and at ease. Do you have any idea how much more relaxing that is for someone to be around? It can be exhausting to witness someon deeply uncomfortable, constantly bitching about themselves. I don’t do that. That adds Brownie Points in the Attractiveness Department: Relaxed face, smile, general good vibe.
Second, I am nice to other people. I try not to say mean things. If someone is shy, I try to make them feel comfortable. If I meet someone new, I am genuinely interested. I try not to gossip and give lots of compliments. If people are pushing my buttons, I really try not to be provoked and try to walk away or be somewhat-nice about it. This is one thing that is overlooked so much in the beauty department. Whenever I see one person snap at another I automatically find them less attractive. That’s not just me, and it’s even at work when the snapping could be easily justified. You just become less attractive if you’re rude and obnoxious. When you’re nice and friendly (even in difficult situations), you automatically become more appealing.
And third, I make sure to do things that make me happy. I go towards the things I love and the things I want: Sometimes small like a cupcake, sometimes a little bigger. That not only may ignite a spark within you going ‘hey: if she’s doing it, I can do it too!’ which is wonderful and very important, but it also means I’m usually in a good mood and doing things with good reason. I am not a lost puppy or a rebel without a cause. I am at peace and with a purpose. That again, is comfortable to witness and nice to be around.
When you like who you are, when you know what you want (without throwing it in people’s faces) when you are nice to the people that you meet, people automatically like looking at you a whole lot more, however you look. And what I’m flat out saying is that if you like the way I look, it’s only (very) partly because the aesthetics of me please you: It’s more a matter of attractiveness beyond looks. It’s the things you register beyond that, that you might find attractive.
Which is nice. This is why I don’t worry too much about it if I leave the house in a big sweater and a clean face. In the end evaluation of attractiveness, your looks matter less than you think and your behavior starts to weigh in more heavily than even you and the other person realize.