TEAM/THEME UNICORN ALWAYS
Phew! Hi babies.
I have been meaning to write sooner, but starting a new academic year is always a little nuts. Basically all I do that week is I run around on university campus either to my students or for my students. Everything is getting started, and that’s something that makes me very happy. New beginnings inspire me.
I’ve been sort of without direction for a while, I guess. I want some more focus, drive and plans in my head. So I thought to myself…What do i want to do this year? Not in terms of goals or achievements, but just…What do I want to focus on doing? What do I want to give love and attention to*? What areas do I want to dedicate myself to this year?
I thought about it, and found three major themes I am dedicating 2013-2014 to. It’s not specific results, because that’s not what it’s about. It’s about focus, and about keeping the important parts of you or your life the most important parts of you and your life. Here’s what I want to focus on.
Before you guys think I’m sitting around with my feet on the desk, picking my nose and grading my coworkers on relative attractiveness**, no. I make myself useful. I make deadlines, I do what I need to do and I do it well.
But because I procrastinate, I often do it at the last minute — quite frantically too. I could just have easily done it sooner, and therefore better. Also, I like to give the extra effort that takes a normal thing and makes it great. That makes me feel good.
Which comes down to a basic truth I discovered about myself (and people in general): I am happier when I’m getting shit done. I’m happier when I am productive and spending my time on things that good for me and others. I’m happier when I am reading literature for work, writing, preparing material for students than when I’m slacking off and procrastinating.
So my first main theme for 2013-2014:
“Do the work. Work hard. Do your best, work through whatever to get shit done. Even when you aren’t in the best mood, when you’re a little tired, when you would rather hang on the couch with Manfriend and Breaking Bad episodes, do your work, whatever it might be for that day. You’ll be in a flow of doing things, you’ll get more positive results and most importantly, it makes you happy.”
Over the summer I realized I want to offer up more of my time and energy to my yoga practice. There is so much in there for me, both physically (I will one day do a full-split Standing Bow) and mentally (granting me the definite decrease in ADD symptoms).
The connection I have with Bikram Yoga combined with the commitment to Yoga Maya has created an equilibrium in my head. Although it’s the most crucial part of yoga for me personally, yoga is not just Bikram for me .It’s not just the sweaty battles against myself in a full-length mirror or the mental battle of “should I go or shouldn’t I go**”. Yoga is just yoga. Whether it’s in 40 degrees for 90 minutes, 10 minutes in the living room or an hour long class that ends with chanting: Yoga is yoga. And I love it. It’s good for me.
So I’m making yoga a first priority, in both yoga schools. I’m still working on the details and an exact schedule, but there will be lots of Camels, Downward Dogs and other Yoga Postures With Animal Names in my immediate future for sure.
When I am excited about something (which happens a lot, I love stuff), I get quite happy and loud and my arms tend to move up and down a lot to express my excitement. And when I am busy with stuff, I can also get a little frantic and flailing and loud. You can only imagine the amounts of loud noises and limbs flying around when I’m both busy and happy.
Additionally, if I’m all over the place with my movements and jokes and weirdness, that affects other people too. Similarly as a really quiet person makes you either quiet or talk more, me and my energy have an effect on who is interacting with me. They either get on my level and we end up a bunch of loud idiots or they think I’m too much, become withdrawn and timid and we can’t connect as well. While my intention is the exact opposite.
So for the past few weeks I have been experimenting with a new social setting: Calm and contained.
Sorry to anyone who hates phrases like ‘I don’t like his vibe’ or ‘there is something is off about her energy’ but I know my own energy very well and it’s very all over the place. And now I try to contain my own energy more.
I keep it more within myself. I am still my open, normal self, but the focal point is more on being a calm version. I just try to send out a relaxed vibe, with some funny bits.
So taking care of my inner calm is another theme for me this year. I think it will be really good for the people I meet and interact with, as well as for myself and my own energy levels. I predict they will fluctuate less.
So, yeah. My mantra for 2013-2014: Work hard, do yoga, be calm. I encourage you to think of themes for yourself, but as always, feel free to use mine. Bye babies.
*Besides like, family, friends and various cute fluffy animals.
**While I only do that on Friday
***Unless I’m in immediate danger of dying, the right answer is pretty much always ‘yes I should go’.
OH HEY FRIEND LOOK This picture basically sums up everything about me on my holiday: Looking for wi-fi, shoveling food in my mouth and occasionally glancing over at Manfriend to see if he’s still alive.
If you want to see and/or read more about my holiday, there is pictures and bullet points after the jump.
I have a million things about Rotterdam that I love. The industrial buildings mixed with old architecture, big deserted factories and booming skyscrapers. The university and the beautiful bike ride past Kralingse Plas on my way there. Our beautiful neighborhood: urban influence meets 1930′s houses meets family friendly blocks.
Additionally, Rotterdam has so many nice places to have breakfast, lunch, drinks or dinner. I am the opposite of an expert or an elitist (I love having coffee at the HEMA and the tuna salad sandwich at La Place…), but I do appreciate good establishments. I enjoy a cosy place for coffee, a big plate of Italian food in a beautiful restaurant or a big-ass lunch at a leisurely place. While some places come and go, something that has been in Rotterdam for 25 years now…is Loos.
Situated in one of the (if not THE) prettiest neighborhoods of Rotterdam, Loos is a grand cafe restaurant that’s been there for 25 years. It’s very close to my yoga studio so I have been there for coffee and lunch a few times. In summer, my boyfriend goes there occasionally for drink with friends; when the sun is out it’s great to sit outside, overlooking at the small harbor across the street. I had never been there for dinner before last night, but now that I have? Already plotting to return.
I am such a hip and cool happening blog person I know Lin, I was invited to their Bloggers’ Dinner, celebrating Loos’ 25th Birthday. I met a whole bunch of pretty women who either blog or work in PR, seeing some new faces and finally meeting Marieke and Jolien! While chatting with my table mates and drinking wine, I enjoyed the wonderful food we were served .
Take a look at this little selection of what we were served.
First course: Coquilles with fancy ham (don’t remember which kind, please excuse the self help blogger trying to figure out food) and sage.
Green leaved salad with cucumber, marinated tuna -fresh and so delicious- and wasabi mayonaise.
Not pictured: A wonderful gazpacho with sundried tomatoes served with delicious little bread loafs, as well as a bloodwurst with beet and apple. Slight panic ensued at discovering I had no images for you to feast your eyes on (pictures made by Lin or by me using Lin’s camera). I calmed down once I realized you’re probably still drooling over the first few food pictures and/or confused why I am writing about this in the first place*.
(Further panic ensued when I looked at the pictures and realized I forgot almost everything the -very patient and pleasant- chef told me about the foods, except that it were all great classic dishes that I found out tasted amazing.)
Main course: Sea bass with spaghetti, all sorts of veggies and sea weed. I love anything with sea weed (except cupcakes, although I’d be willing to try it) so this was lovely.
Quiche with summer vegetables and a chutney.
OH THE FRIES. OH THE MAYONAISE. Also, salad. Excuse me for not being as excited about that (even though the dressing was nice) BUT SERIOUSLY THE FRIES.
Spaghetti with vongole, parsley and other herbs. Perf.
Lamb. Look, as a former vegetarian, I am still quite ashamed to say that I love the taste of one of the cutest baby animals alive but honesty bids me to tell you that I had bites of this and it was truly exquisite.
Dessert: Regular, pistache and tiramisu creme brulee. I am now OBSESSED with it. Any volunteers to go to dinner with me and have a gallon of this for dessert?
Strawberry mousse with berries, mint and strawberries soaked in vodka (great party idea).
Take a look for yourself at these cute little treats! The chef told us that this is something guests can order if they’re too full for dessert but still want to have something sweet. What a great -and tasty- solution!
The official birthday cake in honor of Loos’ 25th Birthday!
It is really soft and creamy and
oh God I really cannot remember what is in it it’s green tea flavored!. It’s made by de Koekela so come on, how could it be anything but divine. (Answer: it can’t be so why am I even bringing this up).
Me being very excited over eating dessert. Also, Lin: Might look good enough to eat but not suitable for consumption.
*It’s a great restaurant, I had a good time and THEY GAVE ME YUMMY FOOD, ok? Will blog for food.
Greetings and love to you, random Internet citizen. This is me in my study room in our apartment, wearing Manfriend’s Alpaca wool hoodie*. No, I haven’t showered yet. Yes, that IS mascara under my eyes, thank you for noticing. Sloth becomes me.
Anyway. There is a few things you only really discover once you’re in a hole you dug for yourself…and something you learn when you start climbing out of it.
One, I use humor as a coping mechanism. Apparently I’m of the philosophy “if you’re miserable, at least try to be funny so you don’t completely repel your social environment and have to stay home alone forever”. Seems to have worked so far because I still get invited to go places. 10/10, would recommend.
Two, everyone’s life looks fabulous and amazing on the Internet. Good for you, really, but everybody blogs/tweets/Instagrams ALL the work-outs, ALL the events, ALL the friends and ALL the healthy foods. To me personally, it looks like one giant blur of the same things repeated over and over in different outfits.
I’m not hating — I’m real happy for you and imma let you finish but honestly I am just REALLY happy I no longer feel like staying in bed with chocolate, Supernatural episodes and emo music. Score, but not very tweetable. Hence, I don’t tweet or IG very often.
Three, after a while of focusing on functioning, doing what I like and not having to do so much anymore, things are getting a little better. My general sense of happiness has climbed from a 4 or 5 on good days to somewhere around 7, and even 8 on really good ones.
But most importantly, I have found an interesting thing called acceptance. I don’t know where I picked it up, but all of a sudden I looked and it was just there. I truly am okay, and actually quite content with the current state of affairs.
So what I am not as hysterically happy and inspired as I used to be. At least I don’t want to throw myself off a cliff (anymore). At least I am functional. At least I can write a little when I want to. At least I have managed to stay pleasant to the people around me.
And I’m not less of a person just because I’m not euphoric and zesty. The person that I am now is fine too. A little rougher around the edges, but just as good a heart and kind a soul. Maybe even a little wiser.
And so what I’m not exercising as I used to? Right now, I just do some yoga here and there — and unenthusiastically at that**. But I don’t care. The amount of work-outs I do and my amount of body fat/weight does not define me. My body is fine as it is and I have decided to love it. If I gain a little bit of weight I will still love it. I will go back to being the enthusiastic yogi when I’m ready for it.
And okay, maybe things aren’t brilliant. Or amazing. Or glamorous. I am not living out all of my dreams. But I am living, and that’s wonderful enough. I’m thankful for everything I have. I already have so much.
A roof over my head, family and friends that love me no matter how cranky I can be, food in the fridge. A job that I love, a job at all for that matter. The fact that people still like to read my blog and still comment while I’m being a sulky weirdo is astounding to me (thanks).
Over these past few months, I got to know myself better. Or maybe I just forgot about some important parts and got to know myself again. Whatever the semantics, I do know this. Who I am, happy or unhappy version, is absolutely good enough for me.
A little while back, I was at a festival with Angel***, my best friend from high school and she inquired if I had started liking myself again. That day, I told her ‘no’. No, I had not started liking myself again yet.
Today, sitting in front of my laptop in my boyfriend’s hoodie, I can finally tell her, and all of you, ‘yes’. Thumbs up and Namaste.
you don’t follow me on Twitter and Instagram you are not obsessed with me and haven’t seen the one or two tweets/pics I posted about this, my manfriend was traveling through South America for six weeks. Now he’s back and he brought crazy amounts of Alpaca wool stuff. Next to joy of having the Manfriend himself around, the super warm blankets, scarfs and hoodies he brought back with him are bringing me TREMENDOUS joy in these times or rain and disappointing temperatures.
**I watch tv while I do yoga and the last few Savasanahs I was in I ended up playing Angry Birds. And I don’t even like Angry Birds anymore.
***Don’t worry, she’s not a stripper. I always called her that on-line because she is so pure and good at heart. This was before I realized it made her sound like butt glitter and see-through stilettos.
I can beat around the bush, but anyone who has seem me attempt to play hockey can tell you, I’m not very good with a stick. So in the bluntest, shortest way possible, here’s what it is: I’ve been telling myself I am a loser. For like, four months.
I have been beating myself senseless with the same message, wrapped in a few different sentences. That I’m a loser.
For the longest time I was perfectly happy with who I was, and striving happily for who I want to be. But sometimes a combination of life and personality knocks you on your ass, and your higher, happy self writes checks your more vulnerable self can’t cash. That’s what happened to me.
All I kept hanging over my head was everyting I’m not, everything I should be or should have been by now, and all the things other people are better at than me. You’re not good enough you’re not good enough you’re not good enough.
Not a good enough writer, teacher, girlfriend, blogger, person. I am less, inferior.
I have been beating myself up, constantly. Because I am not a writer yet. Because I am unsuccessful, because I procrastinate, because I am not skinny, because I am not rich, because other peple look better than I do, because I feel weaker than other people.
I know I don’t write much right now. I can imagine that to a reader, I am only a grumpy shadow of this happy ‘inspirational’ person who used to write here, but one thing is the same: I always write straight from the heart. This is in my heart right now. I am dealing with a rampant inferiority complex combined with perfectionism. Sorry, that’s just the way it is.
And I think we’ve all felt that way about ourselves on way or another, almost everyone knows the feeling of not being good enough.
For whatever reason it may be. Maybe because you were rejected for a job or school, or some guy didn’t like you as much as you hoped. Maybe more self-inflicted, like beating yourself up over useless stuff. Like how you don’t exercise as much as someone else. Or how you just so happen to not have your dream job while people around you all seem to follow their passion. Maybe because you are not as thin as someone else, not as popular, not as pretty, because you don’t have a huge impressive wardrobe.
But that’s just not how it works, sweethearts.
You are not less. You are not a loser. No matter what you have or what you do, there is something within you that is perfect and enough. It is worthy of love and acceptance. It is pure, it is you, and it’s that deepest part of you, that is good enough no matter what.
It’s something that doesn’t need to be altered. It’s from that place that you can grow or improve, sure, but that basic inner thing is perfect as it is.
I decided to go back to that. I had a week off and I decided to completely cut the whole “I have to”-sentence out of my vocabulary. I decided to not do anything about anything. Because actually, I don’t have to do anything. I am my own self-assigned drill sergeant, and I fucking fired myself in that department.
Instead, I just did whatever I fucking pleased. (A+ 10/10 highly recommend)
I forgot about everyone else’s life, how they look, what they do. How everyone is doing these amazing things, crossing off everything on their to-do lists, constantly working out, buying amazing clothes, signing amazing deals. No offense, but I stopped caring.
I just enjoyed my days for what they were, and that was nice. I didn’t go “tomorrow I’m going to change my entire life!!1!!” Because I just want to be for a little while and just enjoy. Just find joy.
And so I went to the market, not because I have to eat extremely healthy or otherwise the world will end, but because I had a craving for beet-grapefruit juice and wanted pretty green limes in my fruit bowl.
I got a haircut, just because. I took myself out for a coffee date, not because I had to write a couple of thousand words but because I wanted to sit in a coffee shop and drink coffee.
I read a lot, because I wanted the comfort of books over Internet and television. Not because I felt I had to. I watched Finding Nemo, Brave and Tron because I LOVE Disney movies. I played my favorite computer adventure games of all time (Secret of Monkey Island and Curse of the Monkey Island) without a constant nagging I should have been exercising or writing instead.
I wrote for my eyes only, and rekindled my connection with my imaginary friends (they’re really fun once you get to know them). I forgot about ‘having to blog’ because my blog has always been a labor of love for writing and self help, not of pressure to deliver to an audience.
I went to bed late, and slept in. I didn’t exercise once this week. Why not, you ask? Because I don’t have to. I didn’t want to and so I didn’t.
I didn’t make any to do lists. I sat on my balcony, got a tan. Graded some papers — Weird, I know but I enjoy grading. I ordered Indian take out and realized Indian food really is my favorite food . I bought myself a few simple t-shirts and a pair of jeans, on sale.
And you know what? I feel better. More accepting of how I feel and how things are. Less preoccupied with “having to bounce back asap”, with “making a comeback”, with feeling better because other people are expecting me to. This is how it is, this is how I feel and that’s okay.
Sometimes you gotta learn the hard way, and sometimes you gotta stand still even when everyone and everything around you is moving.
And now, to draw this long-winded article illustrating my complexes to a close, I present you with the punch line:
If there is anyone out there like me, I hope you get something from this. If you are tired, fed up with saying “I have to” and “I’m not good enough” to yourself, sick from feeling like you’re forcing, I hope you can find it in you to stop and take a break. Not for ever, but for as long as you can and as long as you need.
Because you are good enough. Even if you’re not striving and achieving and competing and coming out on top. Because you got something in you that’s already perfect. You don’t have to do anything. If you had forgotten about that, I hope this story made you remember.
And in case of TL;DR at least you got to admire my new sweater and haircut!
So, Saturday afternoon this gorgeous girl picked me up in her car, champagne in the backseat for a nice weekend get-away*.
While listening to Florence & the Machine, Robyn and Gui Boratto we had ourselves a roadtrip to…Putten. Which was super nice and foresty. Not very International Playgirl yet, but we gotta start somewhere, right?
There was a very fabulous part involved, though: Lin and I got invited to go to a Wellness Day by Lighthouseworks called Happy Healthy Sunday, a blend of detoxing and pampering the self in a beautiful environment.
Considering the most exciting thing I get in my inbox normally is if I can please start advertising diet pills or if some guy in India can help me to put me on #1 in Google Search for 999$, this was really cool to me. I mean, they invited the weird self help girl.
Anyway, Lin and I do see each other quite often, but other times our weeks are so busy we can only squeeze in a cup of coffee or a quick dinner. This inspired us to make a whole girlfriend weekend out of it. It was so nice to have such an extended period of uninterrupted girl-time like this on top of the wellness day.
We booked a little hotel in Putten so we’d only have to drive 15* minutes to the location of Lighthouseworks. I just love hotels. Fluffy white hotel beds, artsy pictures of city skylines and breakfast buffets. What’s not to love. As pictured above, due to a lack of fridge we devised a system to keep the champagne cold. Also, wine.
For dinner we went to this Italian place nearby – and I had pasta with cherry tomatoes and basil. My pasta was good, but Lin had this amazing creamy truffle-mushroom one that gave me a wicked case of Food Envy (which is totally a thing, look it up).
After that we just went back to the hotel, drank champagne and watched crappy television shows until we fell asleep.
The crappy television show was actually very educational: We watched The Voice UK and I now know a) that who I originally had labeled ‘the old black guy from the Voice UK’ is actually Tom Jones who is not only not-black but Welsh, b) the sexy tattooed boy is from The Script –
sometimes I live under a rock you guys, and c) Jessie J has really shiny hair.
After that we watched a bit of Jersey Shore and I just really don’t even know what to say about that, except that I find those guys on that show are so unattractive I’d rather make out with a dead turtle.
Anyway. Off topic. Let’s get back on track.
The next morning we showered, had a leisurely breakfast in the hotel and went on our way to Lighthouse Works.
Happy Healthy Sunday? Basically a whole festival of things (almost) everyone loves to do. I am going to blog about ALL the things, but in overview this was our Happy Healthy Sunday:
Lin and I spent the day together, having a wonderful time, talking and laughing and taking pictures. We did yoga, went in and out of saunas, enjoyed the sun and the beautitful surroundings. We did a workshop about natural beauty, we tasted some delicious juices. We had a nice lunch with the people we were with, and I also got a reiki treatment that was very moving and very helpful, going to write about that too.
We ended the day with a short meditation, and driving home I was so chilled out I didn’t even speed
that much. I found the whole thing very relaxing and inspiring. It was a day I used to recharge, and it gave me lots of new ideas and insights to incorporate in day-to-day life. Big thank you to Cherry Picker PR & Lighthouse Works for that, and more on that soon.
* I am trying to make our friendship sound as lesbian as possible and figured I’d get a head start at it in the very first sentence.
**5 if you’re accidentally speeding.
(In case anyone is wondering**, this is not greasy hair. I had actually just washed my hair but I reached a hair length where blowdrying takes half my day and the sacrifice of two small animals. I am lazy. I tend to walk around with wet hair most of the time.)
So. Over the past few days I became aware of a couple of things. Number one, my Bloglovin’ stats have -quite undeservingly- been growing. …I’m not even here! I am dicking around in the real world, worrying about my quarter-life crisis! I think it’s hilarious: You guys either like
my whining personal updates OR are just loving the fact that I am not here regularly.
Second, putting a whiny piece about yourself on the Internet? Will not actually make you feel better. In fact, it’s just sort of embarassing. And I have a high threshold for embarassing shit. I danced to Britney Spears ‘Hit Me Baby (One More Time)’ at an assemblee. So for all on-line writers, let this be a lesson: Whining on the Internet does not make you feel better. So you know, you might as well not do it.
Glad that I did it, though. For myself and for you guys. I think I needed to share, and I want to paint a realistic portrait of who I am as well as the ‘positive lifestyle’ (wow that sounds awful). See, I think a healthy way to live is to work on as much positivity and proactivity as you can, and be all about the rainbows and puppies. But you know what? It can still rain, and your puppies shit on the carpet.
Just because you make a lot of gratitude lists and read a lot of self help books doesn’t mean you can’t go through a rough patch. Even the positivity-breathing self-help junkie gets down (on herself) every once in a while. What is important is that you don’t let it knock you down. At least not for long. It’s not like you have been doing it all for nothing, you just need to take your time to recover and bounce back.
Now, as the self help enthusiast that I am, I reread many of my favorite self help books over and over again. I always find something new I can work with. And I stumbled upon something that resonated very well with me and what I’m going through right now, written in one of my favorite spiritual self help books ‘Add More ~Ing To Your Life’, by Gabby Bernstein who is fabulous and spiritual at the same time***.
I read about “ego backlash” and instantly knew that this was at least partially in play in my life right now. Basically it’s when you’ve been doing well for quite a while, committing to taking good care of yourself and your life and all of a sudden your ego freaks the fuck out and “drag you right down”. In the book Gabby described that when it happened to her, she called her mentor who told her:
“Many times when things are good, we stop working as hard. That allows the ego to slip back in. So the best thing to do when things are good is actually to work harder.”
This was true for me. Things were good. Everything was fine, you know? Nothing major, but at least going well at an easy pace. And I had stopped working as hard as I used to do because of it. Less healthy food, more coffee. Less yoga, more television. Too little time dedicated to writing and reiki, too much time procrastinating on the Internet. And when I was vulnerable after two disappointing events, the ego was able to hit me down with a sledgehammer and every issue I ever had about myself.
So I’m back to working hard for my emotional, physical and mental well-being. Behind the scenes, I am actually busting my ass for my own well-being. More healthy foods, more intellectually stimulating stuff, of course, yoga and bringing back all the other things I lost over time.
And I find that taking the pro-active road in feeling better in itself already helps. t’s like I finally am coming to terms with how I am feeling at this moment, with how my life looks at this moment, because I know I am on my way to feel better and on my way to do better.
And now that we all know I am on my way to become less whiny and more self help preachy again, I am going to put on several of my warmest sweaters because honestly from the temperatures here I could have sworn I accidentally teleported to Siberia***. Later babes.
long awaited critically acclaimed sequel to Some Whining.
**And I sincerely hope you’re not.
***Proving you need to wear hemp shirts and chant to multi-limbed Gods to incorporate a spiritual practice into your life. You can be spiritual AND wear amazing shoes as the same time.
****Slight exaggeration may occur.
(Enter exasperated sound here.)
Look, not that having my plethora of issues and first world problems on-line for the entire world to see isn’t super-appealing or whatever, but it can be distilled into a few simple sentences we probably have all thought about ourselves at one point or another:
I am disappointed.
In myself. In who I am or better said, who I am not (yet). I feel like this half assed, average version of what I am supposed to be. I know I am being dramatic. I know I have crazy ridiculous standards I hold myself against**. I know my current mood is a huge influence on my dramatics. But it’s how I feel anyway. Brain chemistry 1 – Rationalization 0.
As anyone who knows me is well aware of, I have the attention span of a coke fed gerbil. I let that attention-span rule me a little too much — I find everything in life incredibly distracting and let it distract me up to a point where I don’t even know where I am anymore. And a few weeks ago I landed back where I am. I looked around, something snapped awake, and snapped at me:
“Really? Really, Li? Is this it? You’re a twenty-something writer who teaches part-time, you do some yoga and you write fluffy self help articles on the Internet. Big whoop. …What happened to you and your big goals and dreams? Are you really this average person with a big nose***?”
So, this realization on top of just a general sense of dissatisfaction and a few setbacks kind of sent me down into a further fit of detachment and despair.
Which is unlike me. For one thing, I am usually that positive nut job that gets really happy over a double latte, the smell of rain and all that nonsense. That usually helps me bounce back quickly. For another, I am quite literally a walking, talking database of everything self help and self development****. You know I love the point of “you have to use what you know before it works” and I am a very, very good example of this right now. All this knowledge has been unsuccessful in kicking my own ass back into my normal patterns and back into the flow.
Thusfar, at least. Because as these past weeks passed, I realized two things.
First, being disappointed in myself sucks. Being disappointed in yourself, for whatever reason, big or small, is a burden. But not one you can’t lift, not one you can’t get rid of. Whether it is by correcting past mistakes or by being better, there is something you can do about it.
Second, desperate times? Desperate measures. It’s gonna feel about as natural as icefishing on Mars, but I am going to Rambo my way through this fucking crisis. There is one thing that improves my life no matter what. Time to put some action-hero mentality back into the game.
*I AM TURNING 25 IN A FEW WEEKS AND I’M TAKING IT LIGHTLY, CAN’T YOU TELL.
**Which is usually a good thing because nobody gets anywhere by raising the bar to medium.
***As those of you who follow me on Instagram know, it’s national Nose Joke Week. Enjoy.
****When I people give me advice, I just want to scream “YES I KNOW I READ 23 BOOKS ON THE SUBJECT PLEASE STOP TALKING BEFORE I PUNCH YOU”