The Course In Miracles* teaches to ‘make our brotherly relationships (friendships) more romantic and our romantic relationships more brotherly’. Gabby Bernstein talks about this in Spirit Junkie and I related to this on a very personal level.
There’s a certain romantic type of attentiveness that every relationship fares well by. A text message to let someone know you think about them, a funny card or the occasional gift, and of course the expression of affection. Over the last couple of years I’ve learnt to truly appreciate this as well as practice it. I’m getting increasingly good at it and I notice that my social circle represents a group of people who are getting increasingly good at it too –if they’re not already wickedly awesome! This way you create a network full of people that lift each other up, that inspire and support each other beyond just hanging out together in bars.
And there is a brotherly way in which I deal with the man I love. When I was younger, I believed I had to be everything for my boyfriend, all he ever wanted. But that I’m all he ever wanted in a girlfriend doesn’t mean I’m all he’s ever wanted from life. In fact, it’d be pretty depressing if my man had no other wishes and great things in his life but me, right?!
So I respect the way he feels and thinks at all times. I notice when he’s preoccupied or busy, and leave him be with a kiss on his forehead and a ‘see you when I see you’ kind of attitude. I understand he wants to spend time with his friends; I demand a good night kiss and tell him to have fun. When he tells me he wants to travel because he feels like he’s missing out on something, I accept this because it does not mean he wants me any less, he just wants additional other things. And I want those things for him to. I accept him for everything he is, even if that is different from me.
Add more romance to your friendships and more friendship to your romances. Both will benefit.
*Course in Miracles is a metaphysics self-study thing I’m trying to look into. Empathis on trying.