Girl Needs Yoga: Halfway There (15/30).

There are a few different sides to the story of why I decided to do a 30-day Bikram Yoga challenge again. I was emailing about it with Ruby Warrington — the next thing I know Bikram Yoga Rotterdam announced ‘The March Madness Challenge’ where you can sign up for -you guessed it- a 30 day challenge: 30 yoga classes in 30 days.

All very nice and synchronous, but not actually what made me do it.

See, I first started thinking of every reason not to do it. I mean, 30 days in a row is pretty doable, but it does require sacrifice. You need to set aside a big chunk of your time every day for thirty days. You are perpetually sore. You have to plan ahead in a lot of different areas: In clothes, in food, in washing, in how your entire day looks. You have less time for social events, less wiggle room to slack off, and you have to keep your priorities straight, very straight. Also, I envisioned the possibility of getting fed up with doing the 90-minutes routine every day again for the upcoming thirty days.

But what it came down to was this: I was feeling like shit.

I was feeling like shit and I was getting pretty desperate about getting out of it and feeling good again. From past experience I can safely say that whatever I need, yoga gives it to me and more. And at this point, I had gotten desperate enough. I was in yoga class and something inside me went “Fucking fine. I will fucking commit to my yoga practice again, JUST GET ME OUT OF THIS FUNK.”

It wasn’t about doing something impressive. It wasn’t about doing something cool; it was about doing something necessary.

Because I knew that everything would be better than how I was feeling at that point. Getting out of bed at 5:45 for five days in a row, the most extreme soreness, the worst yoga class, even the worst fuck-this-and-my-big-mouth moment? All that — still going to be better than that empty unhappy feeling that I’d been having for the past couple of weeks.

Which was why any reason why I couldn’t do it completely lost its meaning to me. I mean, fuck that. And so I walked up to my yoga teacher and asked him to put my name on the Sign Up Sheet.

That simple gesture made me feel a rush of relief. I was like ‘okay, cool (and about damn time).’  Let’s do it. Turning back to the very thing that had always taken care of me. No mindfuckery, no bullshit, just daily yoga practice.

Image-6

‘Just’ going to a yoga class for two weeks now. Yes, I am sore. When I wake up, I am a little stiff. Yes, I am tired sometimes. Yes, I have washed a lot of towels and yoga shorts.

I’ve been pestering Manfriend about physical changes (DO I HAVE ABS YET DO I HAVE ABS YET), but as you can see from the picture above: There aren’t really any. I feel good in my own skin though,  and I can feel that my body is functioning better (in terms of sleep, digestion, metabolism).

The mental changes are pretty cool. By doing that yoga routine every day I become so much more relaxed and focused. The racing thoughts slow down, I become calm, I find a spot from which I can actually see what is going on in my own head. I get a quieter, more organized mind.

Every time I do the yoga, I realize I’m coming back to an important part of my self.  Even when it’s a shit class, even when I can’t focus and even when my body is tired, I always come out with that nice, familiar energy that carries me throughout the day.

The most important thing about the yoga right now though is that everytime I do it, I feel something inside me calm down, and I feel trust. I believe that everything is going to be alright. I think for now, that’s enough.

Plenty, even.

Leave a Reply

14 comments

  1. Zodra ik terugben in Nederland ga ik een proefles volgen bij Bikram Yoga Rotterdam. Je hebt me overtuigd. Afhankelijk van hoe ik het vind, ga ik of alleen yoga doen of pilates en sportschool.

    Naast alle geestelijke veranderingen, merk je wel dat je spieren steviger worden? Want dat is ook een deel van de reden dat ik het wil doen.

    1. Kijk maar naar het nieuwe blogje: maar sowieso ook lichamelijk is het heel goed voor je! Ik ben duidelijk sterker.

  2. Great post. Felt the same funk and started p90x. First day is always a killer- try heating pad. I wrapped my leg and back for 10 min at a time. Day 15 with P90x- Im fellin good and alive. Saved me from those ” so stiff i can lay here all day” days he he

  3. Mooi stuk!

    Ik ben 2.5 week geleden begonnen met Bikram. Ik was best skeptisch, maar moet na een kleine 10 lessen inmiddels toegeven dat ik het fantastisch vind. Waar ik dacht dat ik het enkel twee of drie keer in de week zou doen totdat mijn knieblessure voorbij was en ik weer kon hardlopen, merk ik dat het zoveel meer met me doet dan het behouden van mijn conditie.

    Hoe meer lessen ik volg, hoe vaker ik wil gaan. Ik voel niet alleen mijn lichaam sterker worden, maar merk vooral hoe ik mentaal groei en met elke les beter in m’n vel kom te zitten.
    Mede dankzij jou verhalen ben ik begonnen, en daar wil ik je graag voor bedanken. Het was precies wat ik nodig had, en jouw verhalen icm met mijn knieblessure hadden niet op een beter moment kunnen komen.

    Ik kan me inmiddels helemaal voorstellen dat dit hetgeen is waar je bij terugkomt als het even wat minder gaat. Fijn om te horen dat je je alweer iets beter begint te voelen! Succes nog de komende twee weken!

    1. Wat goed om te lezen Marijn – echt relaxed dat je het zo fijn vind en dat je het zo (een beetje) via mij bent gaan doen! Bedankt voor je comment! <3