You know what I love most about being 24 years old? Even more than the always fun and embarassing “How old are you? “Twentythre- FUCK, no! Sorry! I meant twentyfour”-exchange? That I know exactly what I want. I mean, it’s embarrassingly out there and a little delusional, but I’m okay with it. The heart wants what it wants, non? Care to take the tour?
I want to write. I will keep writing articles and blogs and manuscripts. I am going to write whole series of self help books available on my website, to the best of my ability.I will self-publish until any division of Hay House wants to sign me. Yes, Hay House. The publishing house of Louise Hay who pretty much paved the way for any self help author, and the publishing house of Steve Pavlina, Mike Dooley and Wayne Dyer. I want to be their published author*.
One day, I want to give workshops. Of course, this has a lot to do with me absolutely loving the sound of my own voice and the fact that once I start talking I can go on and on for hours**. But more than that, I come with a message.
And that is that self-help and spirituality is not woo-woo bullshit only appropriate for hippies. Personal effectivity is not just for business men obsessed with time-management. Positivity is not some meaningless label on a greeting card and the Law of Attraction is not just some crazy idea a brilliant marketeer dreamt up.
All of that stuff? It’s interesting and for everyone. It’s fun and if you tailor it to your specific needs it can improve your life beyond your wildest dreams. One day, I would love to be able to teach that in filled lecture halls where I can have friendly chats and cupcakes during the breaks.
Third, I want to practice yoga. I mean, crazy amounts of yoga. Because it makes me feel great, because it does my body, mind and spirit a world of good and because it is so challenging and fun. Because I feel there’s something in it for me on more levels than I can ever wrap my head around. Not because I want a medal or glory, but because I am curious. I want to see what I can do next. I hope and will train to one day train for national competition. And I will be patient and persistent to be able to go to Teacher Training. Whether it’s in 5, 10 or 20 years, I hope I can one day encourage, support and uplift yoga students the way my yoga teachers have always done for me.
Surely sharing this with you is going to make it fucking embarrassing the moment I end up alone, miserable and poor in a barrel somewhere one day without having any of my dreams come true. I’ll be that blogger who had a big mouth that one time and you can laugh at me with your friends. But besides that little dignity (which is overrated), I have nothing to lose.
Because even if I don’t become a published author, I will keep writing and writing and writing. Writing is awesome. And it will be read by at least a handful of people. If all else fails, I’ll just make my parents read it. They’ll be proud and I’ll be happy because I’ve written something. Things that gives at least a couple of people joy can never be a waste of time.
Even if I don’t get to talk to lecture halls full of people, I am still willing to explain anything self-help to anyone who wants to know. I mean, anyone. Fuck, if my neighbor’s poodle ever expresses an interest in manifesting a labrador friend, I’ll sit in the door step and draw it out. So be it one or one thousand people, anyone I can help is an extra person who is better because of my free time and obsession for self help material. That’s always going to be worth it.
Even if my yoga practice never takes me anywhere except the pool of sweat on my towel, it will be a wonderful addition to my life just as it is. I learn so much, I meet so many fun interesting people and it makes me feel great. Plus I’ll be fit, get abs and will one day touch my forehead to my knee in this position. Good enough for me.
We’re so used to keeping our dreams to ourselves, afraid of judgment, condescension and people putting us down. Afraid of the humiliation that other people know what we wanted when we fail to get it.
I’m no longer going to do that. Because even if I might not be able to do it all right now, if I keep working, training, practicing, I will be one day. If people tell me I can’t, I shouldn’t, or that I’m a joke? That’s going to be painful but not an insurmountable road block. I’ll get over that eventually and keep moving forward. I’m willing to work and I’m willing to suffer for what I want.
And even everything I do is not enough to make my dreams come true, it will never have been for nothing. Because the person I’ve become along the way, the things I’ve learnt, the people I’ve met and the obstacles I’ve overcome will all have been worth the trouble I went through.
No matter how small or grandiose your dreams, you can never really fail when you are trying to make them come to life. As long as you keep that in mind and have fun in the process, you can only come out better.
*In all seriousness: I would probably take any agent and any publisher offering me a contract and a reasonable advance on a book. However, if it could one day be Hay House I think my brain would explode from happy hysterics.
**Runs in the family. Thanks, dad.