Mindfulness Archives -

Inner Office Hours: The Worry Thirty.

May 042013

Arnie Kozak, the author of Wild Chickens and Petty Tyrants, describes an exercise in his book he uses in his mindfulness training called ‘inner office hours’.

Inner Office Hours means you assign yourself a specific time and duration to have your worrying and negative thoughts. You know, really mull over them, spin them around in your head and let them consume you until *PING*, time is up and you go off into the real world again.

This way you prevent yourself from having a negative thought fest, all day, everyday. You just put it in the time you took for negative thinking and if it pops up during the day? You shake your head and tell it ‘no’: You firmy remind yourself it’s not your Worry Thirty yet, and you move on.

I read that and it reminded me of a friend of a friend. When her relationship ended, she was writing her thesis as well as working (almost) full-time. She was real busy, and ambitious. She could not take any time to fall apart; there was no time to do the whole pyjama-Ben&Jerry’s-listening-to-sappy-music crap on her schedule. Out of necessity, she gave herself half an hour a day. She used it to cry, to rant, to obsess, to freak out, whatever was on her mind in that half an hour. After that half an hour, she would re-apply her make-up, take a breath and get back to business.

I liked the idea of this for a couple of reasons. First, we don’t always have the time to fall apart. Sometimes it’s too inconvenient to completely indulge in our pain or problems. Second, it can be like waning yourself off of continuous worrying; you just cram everything into the thirty. This can only be healthy, really. 30 minutes a day beats 24 hours a day. Third, by giving it your complete attention in that half an hour it’s not stuck in the back of your mind the whole day, you take time to truly process or problem solve instead of just ruminate. Fourth, when you spend some time on your negative stuff you can actually sneak in something constructive and work on your issues. And finally, it leaves the rest of your day open for (more) positive thinking.

So why not give it a shot? Twenty minutes dedicated to weight worrying or body issues? Half an hour to process stress at work and your fear of losing your loved one? Whatever trouble you might be having, just throw it in the assigned worry time.

If I could recommend anything, it’s writing in those Worry Thirty. Sure, you can just sit, crying over your coffee or having your inner pity party or problem preaching while Sad.FM is on in the background, but writing enhances the process. It clarifies, organizes and clears out the clutter of thoughts. Therefore, I recommend putting it on paper.

Naturally, I gave this a go. Tried the Worry Thirty Minutes. Grabbed a notebook, set a timer, put on some music and worried about ALL the things until my time was up.

Turns out I’m both frightening and a little funny when I let myself worry. Take a look.

I’m afraid I can never make a living as a writer and when I have to leave my job as a teacher in a year, I won’t find a job as a psychologist. I envision I would end up in telemarketing and that would make me blow my brains out. With my headset still on for dramatic effect.

I worry that I’m never going to be happy with how I look, and that I’m never going to get the flat stomach I want and that I’ll eventually get so frustrated with this I’ll just go on a permanent binge and leave hateful comments on the pictures of skinny women on Instagram.

I’m afraid my boyfriend will break up with me because I’m sad and no fun and that I’ll move back home. With my luck (and his dating background), he would start dating some psychotic lunatic so that not only am I heart-broken, I would still worry about him getting injured, cuckolded or found in a ditch somewhere.

I worry that my Type A personality traits and my hippie-Universe-yogi side are just so incompatible that they can’t co-exist and that I eventually end up with a whopping case of Multiple Personality Syndrome like in that book ‘Sybil’. But hey, at least I’d be an interesting case in my field.

I’m afraid I’m just weak.

Maybe I’ve just used up all my happiness in the past year. Like, I just sucked my Lifetime Supply of Happiness dry and now it’s gone. And that from now on I’m just going to be this eye-rolling, sarcastic bitch who admittedly is really funny but who may need to be put on suicide watch after a while.

I am worried I’ll eventually give up. That I will stop trying to get better and that I eventually can’t even get out of bed anymore.

…Well, that was totally depressing. Sorry if I made you reach for your Zolofts or liquor there.

But. Bright side: I don’t have these things swirling in my head in big dark neon signs after these thirty minutes. They’re in font, out of my head. In a way, it can be a relief, and make some space. And now I can just go to bed because writing about it gave it enough attention for me to let it go for now.

Thusly, I may dig the Inner Office Hours, Worry Thirty thing.

I think that it can be good to dedicate a half an hour to whatever your problem, pain, worry or stressor might be. By giving it the power in that dedicated time, it’s easier to deny it power throughout the rest of your day. Get it all out of the way and move on, until your next Worry Thirty rolls around the next day. And especially if you can end on a constructive note and firmly close up shop once time is up, this technique might do you some good.

(seriously, how cool is this?)

That’s all I got for you now, sweet cheeks. Thanks for the sweet comments on the previous article, by the way. I may be sarcastic and mean a lot of the time, but I was totally having Broments with all of you. Your kindness and support is more than I deserve and much appreciated. Thanks for that. Kisses.

Mindfulness: The Dog, Monkey, Lion & Spider.

Mindfulness 2 Responses »

Aug 262012

Last summer I was listening to the Podcast ‘Write The Book’: A Vermont-based podcast by a cool writer-lady interviewing writers that are usually also Vermont-based or willing to come to the phone. I usually like the interviews and tips and like to listen to these podcasts on long road trips or when I’m doing something that doesn’t require my full attention — the only downside is that you don’t know the guest beforehand (or at least I don’t) so if he or she is a real wet blanket the whole interview becomes a snoozefest.

It was definitely not the case when Arnie Kozak came on the show to talk about his book ‘Wild Chickens and Petty Tyrants’. It’s a book with a 108 metaphors for mindfulness. I’ll write a book review with my favorite quotes but spoiler alert, the book reminds me of Forrest Gump: Simple but likeable. I got it a few weeks after I heard the podcast last summer and very much like it. Although I never had mindfulness training, it’s something I am definitely interested in.

My favorite part is where he explains our thoughts and its patterns in terms of animals and their behavior. Welcome to the Petting Zoo of the Brain.

1. Doggy Mind: Runs after every sensation, idea, desire and aversion. Goes with every thought. Very easily distracted. You’re working and at the thought of a donut you’re in your car to Krispy Kremes. That kind of thing.

2. Monkey Mind: Jumping from thought to thought in the Forest of Thinking. From your grocery list to next weekend to previous weekend to that party last year where you stole a hat from the abandoned wardrobe. This often happens when we’re really not paying attention to what’s in front of us.

Note of importance: Mindfulness is not that you can stop thinking all together, but that you can peacefully observe Fido and Chimp do their thing without judgment or attachment. You don’t have to keep up with them or indulge on their every whim; that’s what mindfulness is about. Enter the Mindfulness Animals.

Lion Mind: This is when you can be peaceful, disengaged and maybe even somewhat unimpressed by your own thoughts — especially when Fido & Chimp are running around. Like the big, royal proud cat. When you’re in Lion Mind State, you often get very good insights. Important to know is that Lion Mind can be a result of mindfulness, it’s not a goal.

Spider Mind: “[...] embodies the quality of engaged attention” but it is not caught up in it. Monkey business or dog chasing isn’t what it does. It’s a high quality thinking that allows you to be interested and energetic as well as objective and relaxed, making great connections and being creative. Again, consequence of mindfulness, not a goal.

I like the animal-metaphors, don’t you? Makes it easy to imagine and figure out. Mindfulness is great for your head and the more you can do it, the less the monkey and the dog will bother you and the more you’ll benefit from lion and spider. Never thought I’d say I’d like a spider anywhere near my head, but apparently I do.

A Meditation Class.

Meditation, Mindfulness 4 Responses »

Jul 122012

Yesterday evening, Lin and I went to the yoga studio to try an hour of meditating. We both signed up for the Summer Special where you can take unlimited classes during July & August, and next to the different types of yoga (I’ll talk about that soon) there was an hour of meditating on the Wednesday.

Now, I never meditated at home before this. I can be mindful and actively present during yoga (unless someone in front of is wearing a really cute top and I keep wondering where it’s from), I can focus on being in the moment, but actually sitting down on a pillow and just watching my breath: I don’t really do that.

But last night, I sat down on a meditation pillow and under the guidance of a yoga teacher, we started doing that: focusing on our natural breath, then making it deeper and slower, first from the belly, then the chest. After a while, we came out of the meditation and our yoga teacher made us move around a little so our legs and back wouldn’t get sore, and then we went back in. We did that three times, and in between there was some…chanting.

That’s right. I was ‘ohm’-ing. Hands in front of my chest in prayer and everything. To be honest, it feels weird the first two times, the music nerd in me was wondering if I was doing it at the right pitch, but it wasn’t unpleasant. It felt nice.If nothing else the sound you make vibrate in your chest and that’s funny.

We ended the class with a very elaborate relaxation exercise; we would all lie on the floor and our yoga teacher would talk us through all the body parts we were relaxing. It was a good exercise but my mind wandered; every time the teacher would start talking again, she brought me back to the exercise. Got the job done in terms of relaxing though.

I gotta say, I really liked meditating like this. It was a lot easier than I thought it would be. Sure, your mind wanders but that’s okay: you can bring it back. Sure, I once peeked to see if there was a clock anywhere (there wasn’t) because I was kind of over it and wondered how long we had left, but once I closed my eyes again and took a deep breath I was back into it.

Focusing on the breath was easy, and so I also became very mindful of sounds around me. I just heard the wind outside, children playing, the other students breathing. I felt my hips on the pillow, my feet on the floor. Nothing bothered me, these sounds and sensations were just there. It was all fine. And that was lovely. I felt some super-relaxed stillness inside me. I really did not know I had that.

When I came out of the class and back home, I felt like I was seeing things better. I can’t really explain it any other way than that my sight seemed clearer. Whereas a night of Game of Thrones got rid of the inner relaxed stillness (IT’S JUST SO EXCITING!), it was very to access that again this morning when I sat down and started writing. I feel all calm and shit.

So basically, I dig it. I am definitely trying another class and I’m starting some light at home meditational practice as well: I think I can manage 5 minutes a day of sitting still on a pillow.

Meditation: My Favorite Exercises.

Meditation, Mindfulness, Uncategorized 7 Responses »

May 202012

There are people who meditate regularly and the way you should. They actually take time out of their day to sit down and focus on their breath, a meditational exercise or quieting down the mind. And then there is me. My definition of meditation is pretty much glorified term for closing my eyes and wandering off into my own little world(s).

For me, meditation is a rather grandiose term for what I usually do before I go to sleep. Or something I do to occupy the time with when I’m stuck in public transit. Or me zoning out whenever I’m bored during a meeting. Basically it’s daydreaming, just a little fancier, with a purpose and with more positive effects in terms of mood and relaxation.

I have a couple of favorites that I’d like to share. If you have a technique you think I’d like, let me know in the comments!

The Higher Self Meditation. I talked about it in this article, it’s one of my favorite things to do when I feel a little lost (or can’t sleep). Basically I visualize myself going into an elevator, going all the way up to some sort of penthouse and meeting my Higher Self up there. We usually talk, she calms me down and I usually fall asleep soon after.

I close my eyes and pretend that I am getting soaked in pure, sparkly energy that flows into my every cell. It always leaves me feeling inspired and energized.

Sometimes I just close my eyes and focus on my breath and listen to all the sounds around me. That always makes me feel very peaceful and relaxes me.

This is my Bed Time Miracle Worker: When trying to fall asleep, I imagine that I’m adding layers of relaxation to my conscious, one by one, layers just folding over each other, and every layer makes my head more relaxed and sleepy.

‘Not Thinking’: What & How I Learnt

Mindfulness, Thoughts 2 Responses »

Mar 202012

The concept of ‘Not Thinking’ was always lost on me. And ridiculous. Like most people, I honestly could not grasp how one could make their head shut up: my thoughts never stop racing through some sort of colorful vortex of mental images, words and the occasional hilarious meme*. It’s entertaining, but exhausting. Not to mention the fact that when you’re completely focused on what’s already in your head, nothing new can get in.

I can’t read a book when all I’m doing is thinking about the books I’ve read before; all the words will tumble right out of my attentional system. I can’t enjoy a conversation with someone when I fill in their sentences in my head beforehand; I’d make for a lousy conversational partner. I can’t enjoy my run while I’m having an inner monologue on whether or not I have to pee; I won’t notice how great (or not great) my run is going!

I accidentally learnt how not to think because of Bikram Yoga classes. And not really because the teacher tells you not to think, because like ~~most people~~ everyone I learn best through experience.

First, it’s just so damn hot in class that you have to pay attention to how you breathe. If you don’t, well, sucks to be you. That’s the most important thing, especially when you’re new at it. You’d be surprised how little time you have to think about other things when you are focused on inhaling and exhaling. Next, I found that if you want to be able to hold a posture, say, like this and not fall on your ass, you can’t pay attention to anything else. Not the people around you and not the groceries you have to pick up later.

After a while the breathing and focusing became not just a necessity: I just liked my classes more when I focused completely on what I was doing: trying to do crazy postures while sweating profusely and trying not to fall over. The more I did that, the more I liked the classes and the easier things were. Which made me develop the following premise: Being distracted by your own thoughts makes most things in life harder, while concentrating on what’s in front of you makes them easier.

And that is what solved the whole ‘not thinking’ thing for me. You don’t really stop thinking, you just direct your attention to what you are doing right now. You make that the most important thing and let your thoughts just..go. Your thinking might continue, but they are secondary to whatever it is that you are concentrating on right now. Your focus is on something else than your monkey mind.

Not thinking is basically doing what it is you are supposed to be doing. You can always get all up in your head later during the day, right?

*I spent too much time on Tumblr.