The Purpose Of This Blog

 Important Stuff  21 Responses »
Mar 182013
 

A little over a year ago, I started this website. Because I wanted to. Because I ran out of funny things to say about myself and all the coffee I drink. Because it’s safer to chronically over-share your self help knowledge than your love life. Because I wanted a website different from everyone else’s, because you know, ain’t nobody got time for that. I wanted different. I wanted funny. I wanted helpful, authentic and awesome, and I wanted to deliver it in my own voice, in my actually-tragically-mainstream glasses.

Over time I got a little lost in my own high standards and the purpose of the blog. See, I refuse to write anything that I’ve seen on seventeen different blogs before mine. It’s a pride thing. And sometimes I want to be helpful so badly that I can’t come up with something to say. Over time, I tried to take myself out of the website, because I felt talking about myself didn’t really serve the purpose.

But I was wrong about that. Because the purpose, the one thing I want to share most, beyond my dumbass jokes and my head-in-the-clouds nonsense, is how I am actually improving my life with self help. And what I believe more than anything else is that anyone can do that.

You really can help yourself. Through your choices and words and actions. By what you do, what you eat, what you choose to say (or don’t say). You can help yourself by selecting what you expose yourself to, the books, the people, the environment, the activities.

You can help yourself every single day by doing things that make you better, healthier, happier, more successful, whatever you want.

It doesn’t have to be on paper and in books. It fucking shouldn’t be. It is in there, but you can (have to!) take it out. You can use it and practice it. You can take it out off the books and off the Internet and see if it really works in the real work.

And more than anything else, I created this website for information and evidence that it can be done. This website is a wholehearted fucking “YES” to whatever it is you want to do.

That yes, you can become disciplined. Yes, you can learn how to be productive and stop procrastinating. Yes, you can create great habits.

Yes, you can go from unfit and lethargic to fit and flying. Yes, you can go from couch potato to work out junkie. Yes, you can get used to green juice. Yes, you can go from a standard Western diet to a raw food diet.  You can have a good relationship with food and your body.

Yes, you can figure out finances, love, friendships, goals, dreams. Yes, you can co-create your life. Yes, you can customize your life to your design. Whether it is through rigorous behavioral adjustments, spiritual guidance, asking the Universe, goal setting, manifesting, or all of the above: You can do it, however you want.

And I don’t want to just tell you that, I want to show you how it’s done…and that it can be done. That yes, you can work out every day. You can decide to quit coffee. You can meditate. You can get high grades or perform excellent at work. You can give up toxic people and attract  the right ones.

Because the most important thing to know about me for you, sweet angel face reader, is this: I am just like you. Literally. I have no special abilities, no gene that poses any advantage in this department. I have flaws, problems, sometimes I am down, sometimes I just want to watch TV and sometimes I eat too many cupcakes. The only thing I have going for me is a self help book collection and an Internet connection.

So whatever I write about, whenever I write about something that I am doing, be it healthy food, spirituality, manifesting, productivity, relationships or personal stuff, you have to realize my main message on-line is always always always this: If I can do it, so can you.

Being Green(er)

 Advertorial, Important Stuff  6 Responses »
Feb 192013
 

Remember this girl? Anne Walraven, mind and moxie behind FutureFuel?

This girl goes all over the world to interview people who have done brilliant things for the world and environment, trying to find the answer to the question: “What can we do?” Because Anne is thinking about the world that we are in, that we have to maintain as well as fix up, and she is taking great action to answer that question by talking to the brilliant minds who have had a big positive influence on the world. Like Jane Goodall (pictured above), for example.

I find Anne very inspiring. And she makes me think about this kind of stuff, that I normally don’t think about much.

See, I kind of freak out when I think about the big picture because it is just so big and scary. Things like oil spills, oil running out, ozone layers and the rain forest being cut down. It makes me want to jump into the ocean and fish out the plastic and oil, as well as tie myself to one of those big giant trees. Unfortunately I can’t dive to make the first happen and my work schedule doesn’t alIow me to do the last and last time I tried assuming the fetal position didn’t really get me anywhere either.

So instead, I am trying to figure out my own small ways to be ‘green’ or at least go a little ‘greener’.

  • I try to ‘vote with my wallet’ when it comes to groceries. I am practical about it, but I am trying to buy more organic produce when I can. Also, I try to buy local which coincidentally is the same as organic a lot of the time. We have a bio-store nearby and a lot of their stuff is local. Easy and good for the carbon-footprint.
  • I try to recycle, in terms of bottles and plastic and paper. I just love walking to the bins with bags that suggest I’m a bookworm alcoholic.
  • When Manfriend and I got our apartment, we chose Green Choice energy and gas as our supplier. Green energy and great service.
  • I take my old clothes to good will – unless it is truly to ratty or ugly for anyone to wear of course.
  • For our next house, I really really want these solar systems on my roof and this solar hot water system would be a really cool bonus. I think it’s well worth the investment on multiple levels; I like the pro-active independence of installing those things in your own home. VELUX ®, although being known for their blinds actually has a really cool solar powered division that I have in mind for the future.

For those of you who are concerned with and interested in these type of things: What do you do that is environmentally conscious/aware? Any tips?

(If you really want to see something cool, you should check out this list of the 25 most innovative and inspiring iniatives of young people who want to do something for our planet. I love it.)

2013R: When you CAN, not when you HAVE TO.

 Important Stuff, Life lessons, Making Things Easier  15 Responses »
Jan 092013
 

The last-minute mentality. Doing everything at the latest opportunity.

A group of highly trained or exceptional (possibly superhuman) individuals aside, I think the majority of people think this way to some extent. You might experience it in one area, not in another, but good examples would be only starting to study the day before an exam, exercising only at the end of the day, or making work dead lines only right before hand, fueled by espressos and adrenalin.

I for one tend to be sloppy with e-mail sending and practical matters, especially if it has piled up. Plus, sometimes I get really resilient and writers blocky about writing, and only crack out an article two minutes before I want it to go on-line. What can I say? I’m a complicated creature like everyone else.

I was having a conversation about this with a student of mine about the paper she was working on, and the whole last minute thing. Without really thinking about it, I just mused”

“Wouldn’t it be great if we changed our attitude from ‘doing it the moment that we have to’ to ‘the moment that we can’?”

The student agreed, because let’s be serious that was one totally brilliant unintentional statement and also best not to piss off the person giving you the grade, now is it. After our conversation, what I said stuck with me, and I entertained the idea for a little.

What if we just started to do things at our earliest opportunities? Like the moment you walk out of your class and you have a few hours to kill until your date or social activity, you just do a few hours of studying? Or when you come home, you want to work out and have the whole night ahead of you; why not put on that running gear right away and do a 5k? Or when you know you have a deadline in a couple of weeks and you have a few free hours, why not spend one of them working?

We should change our attitudes to ‘when we can’ instead of ‘when we have to’. What a nice perspective shift this would be, wouldn’t it? I mean, 90% of cases in which we say we don’t have the time, it’s because we have been wasting the time we had before that. It would give us so much more time to relax, we would feel accomplished and calm, and I seriously believe the quote “I don’t have the time” would not be used as much anymore.

I’m going to experiment with this attitude in 2013. You too?

2013 Revolutions: Forget One Size Fits All.

 Important Stuff, Life lessons  9 Responses »
Jan 082013
 

*Alternate title was ‘Fuck One Size Fits All’ but I decided two curse word ridden titles in a row was a little much, even for me. Hence, the PG-version. 

We read books about people who have done amazing things, who have turned their life around and we just go “YES. That is EXACTLY how I am going to do it too.” Or we see blogs of people who got it going on, who have the things we want or who do the things we like to do and we go “RIGHT. I’ll just do what she does and surely it will work out for me too.”

Well, that’s not really the way to do it. Actually, it’s not the way to do it at all. By all means, use the lives of others in print or in imagery to inspire you, but it’s more effective, beneficial and fun (!) to create your own.

Before issues of identity theft and copyright infringement start arising, let’s cut to the chase.

Because sorry babycakes, but if you really want to succeed to the extent you see or read other people have done before, you need to do something a lot of people forget to do: Get back to you. Who you are. Your identity, your strong points, weak points, style, preferences, character and habits. Every fucking bit of your cheesy snowflake-uniqueness.

You can’t blindly apply what anyone else is doing to your life. It might work for them, it might work for a lot of people, but honey: Nothing, except breathing, works for everyone (and I’m sure that if you tried you could also bring breathing up for discussion). Not everyone will fare best by going on the Eat, Pray, Love tour, channeling the 4-hour work week into their teaching gig, making pictures exactly like the favorite fashion blogger of the month or by eating the exact diet described in a diet book.

Nothing is one size fits all, except cute beanies and shitty leggings. You can quote me on that.

If you really want something to work: If you really want to get fit, get healthy, get succesful, get awesome, you will need to custom design your life. Tailored to your every specific preference and need. For example, by starting to take into account you’re either a morning or night person. The healthy foods you really love and the ones you hate. How running makes you want to kill yourself but how dancing makes you both happy and healthy. That you read slow but you learn fast when you listen.

Take who you are and how you operate most effectively, in whatever area, as your key starting points.

The best example I know of this is Sabine from Some-Like-It-Raw. I know her and when I read her recap of 2012, I just went like “Yes. That is your life, completely custom designed. That’s how it should be done. Good for you, VG (Vegan Goddess). Good for you.” Another good example is BodieBoost Babe Charlotte, who tried every diet available and when that didn’t work, just figured out her own that did work. My friend Fleur didn’t want a dime-a-dozen article-website, she wanted high quality reading about interesting original topics and created Na De Lunch. My best friend Lin who took up running because she found it was the most beneficial to her life, and who knows exactly how to motivate herself because she figured it out about herself as she went along.

What these ladies all have in common is authenticity, and both the brains and the balls to go “I’m going to do it in a way that works for me.” Wheter it’s life, diet, creating or exercise, that’s what they ALL did. And I want you to do it too. Figure out your very own, specially customized, brilliantly individually engineered plan. For life, exercise, love, health, spirituality, EVERYTHING.

For fun, just for a second, take a breath. Pretend you know nothing about how other people do it, what other think is the best way to do it and how you have tried to do it. Let all of that go, and in that space you just go “I want to get fit/ How could I do that in a way that makes sense to me?” or “I want to relax more. What feels like the right way for me to do that?”

It’s basically not so much “How have other people done it” anymore, but instead you levitate towards “How can I make it happen for myself? How would I create this for me? What feels like the right way for me to achieve this goal or become this way?”

Instead of looking at others for The Answers, we need to start going for our own thing. Develop our own styles, discover our own inner wisdom. Build our own empires, make our own plans. Custom design your life, based on who you are what you love.

2013 Revolutions: Actually Fucking Do It.

 Important Stuff, Life lessons  14 Responses »
Jan 072013
 

 source

“There’s two kinds of people in this world when you boil it all down. You got your talkers and you got your doers. Most people are just talkers, all they do is talk. But when it is all said and done, it’s the doers that change this world. And when they do that, they change us, and that’s why we never forget them. So which one are you? Do you just talk about it, or do you stand up and do something about it? Because believe you me, all the rest of it is just coffee house and bullshit.”  - Rocco, The Boondock Saints. 

When I was young(er, because still totally in the prime of my life here) I read all the self help books I got my hands on. I always loved them; I liked to read, I love to learn, especially if it involves copious amounts of excellent living, and so I downed self help books like hipsters down Starbucks coffee. But no substantial change ever took place from all the reading. Just reading never did the trick.

The funny thing is that when it comes to fitness, everyone understands reading a book with exercises doesn’t make you fit. That reading a diet book in itself drop the pounds. That knowing how to make a green smoothie is not going to make your skin glow.

It’s the same with self help, maybe even more so:  You can know you should stop hanging around the Internet, but unless you do it you won’t know just how much time really is in a day. You can know you should make to-do lists and plan, but unless you use it, your life will still be a chaotic at-the-last-minute mess, no matter how many benefits you can name of to-do lists. I can tell you every reason why yoga is amazing for you, but if I am not doing it I am not actually gaining anything now, am I. No matter how many benefits you know are in a sugarless diet or raw food, if you don’t eat it you won’t feel it. See what I mean?

Knowing the path is different than walking it (Morpheus – The Matrix). I want you to know the path, and actually take the steps on it.

I want you to actually do the things you know are good for you. Start taking all the little figments of self help knowledge you have and implement hem, piece by piece, a few every day, a week, or a month. So you can truly experience what you can do for yourself. So you actually truly help yourself.

Do it, dear little darling. Don’t look at different yoga schools online: Go to a yoga class today. Don’t read about the benefits of raw food: Eat a salad instead of that sandwich with mayo. Don’t read a book on productivity: Work uninterrupted for an hour. Don’t just read my articles on positivity and manifesting: Spend 10 minutes making a gratitude or a universal wish list. Listen to music instead of mindlessly watching a television show while doing your homework (improves concentration). Make a to-do list and hop straight into the Top Priority Item until it’s done.

Be fucking excellent today. True personal excellence is in taking action upon the things you know are right.

2013 Revolutions: First, Accept Where You Are.

 Important Stuff, Life lessons  5 Responses »
Jan 022013
 

Self development and improvement requires being brutally honest with yourself. You gotta be able to own up to your own shit and your own showstoppers. If you stubbornly refuse to acknowledge you’re at point A, you can’t move to point B.

Got temper tantrums and rage issues? Don’t tell yourself you’re a docile little flower. Bad eating patterns? That’s fine, but stop pretending you’re usually pretty healthy while you’re heating up your fourth microwave meal this week. Lazy? Put away the pedometer and stop feeling awesome for setting 5000 steps a day: That’s not exercise, that’s delusion.

I have to admit I’m disorganized, messy and chaotic before I can improve it. I can’t straight-faced pretend I’m orderly and I serve nobody by telling them I’m neat. Next thing you know I end up housesitting for someone and making the biggest mess since Sebastian the Crab got loose in the castle’s kitchen.

So get real. Only if you fully accept your starting point, you can move from it: Forward. What works best here is trying to let go of that negativity you feel towards being where you are right now.

Wish you had more self-esteem? Say: “I’m kind of insecure right now…and that’s okay.” Wish you were thinner? Say: “I weigh more right now than I want to weigh…and that’s okay.” Wish you had a better job? Say “I’m not in my ideal work environment yet…and that’s okay.”

This way you not only acknowledge your starting point, you also give yourself freedom to let go and forgiveness to release negativity towards yourself. This allows you to move forward at a much higher speed than if you keep holding yourself back with the negative connotations of where you are now.

Because let me tell you something: You’re already absolutely awesome. There is no need for bad self-esteem to drag you down and hold you back. You want to change because you deserve to be your most wonderful self, not because you’re not good enough.

Accepting your starting point and the person you are now is a key to growth, change and development. You’re exactly as you are, where you are; and from hereonout you can only become more amazing and do more amazing things. And that is what you should keep in mind when you’re working on your New Year Resolutions: Where you are, with lots of self acceptance and love to go to where you want to be.

Inspiration, not Imitation.

 Important Stuff, Inspiration  9 Responses »
Apr 052012
 

I’m just going to leave this here…Maybe it will be taken to heart. 

When I think about imitation and inspiration I think about two kids in the playground. Meet Jim and Peter. They’ll be our example of the day.

Imitation

Jim is playing happily with a car toy.  Peter sees this. Peter immediately grabs a car toy, sits down right next to Jim and while looking at Jim the entire time, he ‘starts playing’: If Jim goes to the left with the little Mercedes, Peter goes to the left with his little Ferrari. If Jim makes a U-turn, Peter makes a U-turn. If Jim makes a looping in the air, Peter makes a looping in the air. If Jim is sick of the car toy and throws it away, Peter is sick of the car toy and throws it away too.

Inspiration. 

Jim is playing with a car toy. Peter sees this. Peter might even look for a little while longer. Then, Peter starts looking around for a car toy, finds one he likes, sits down somewhere and starts playing. Who knows? He might just make ‘vroom vroom’ noises and skate around a little on the concrete. Or he might go and follow an ‘Extreme Racing Track’ (read: the sandbox). If Peter and Jim are buddies he might even challenge Jim to a race. Or maybe Peter is going to scootch towards Jim and they’ll act out the Fast&the Furious together – they might have parents who don’t look at the Parental Advise Guidelines, guys. You never know.  

See my point? And do you see the difference? It’s the same with us. It’s fine to see something in somebody else’s life style, motto, ways or wardrobe that you like, and make it your own. What’s not fine, and what’s actually not constructive in any way is just taking on parts of other people in the hope it will make you look cooler or help your life in any way.

Because even when you get the idea from somebody else, it has to be something that comes from you still. Therefore the moment you do something identical to somebody else’s, that’s just pretending. I can smell the pretense from miles away and so can anybody else.

I actually have role models for a few different areas in life. I have one particular yoga teacher that motivates me whenever I see her practice. Sabine from some-like-it-raw is my inspiration when it comes to healthy food. Gala Darling is my beautiful positive self-love warrior blogger whose posts always make me excited for life and puppies and pretty things. My best friend Lin inspires me to not look like a homeless person with her chic outfits and pretty lipsticks.

But have I ordered everything from BFF’s wardrobe? Am I now walking around in blouses and high heeled ankle boots? No. I just did a kick-ass wardrobe update with the help of ASOS and started wearing mascara again. She just makes me realize I don’t want to be a slob.

Did I change my blog to pink, dyed my hair and changed my ‘bye’-signature to ‘Superlove & Leopard Print XO Gala’ ? No — even though that last bit is awesome. All I do is trying to live more positively and go after my dreams, corny as it sounds. She inspires me to make my life an amazing adventure, even if it’s nothing like hers.

Have I copied everything from Sabine’s diet and lifestyle and do I slavely make every menu option she writes about? No. However, I did take an interest in juicing, raw food and superfoods that I implement in my daily routines every single day. My way. Nobody else’s.

Have I taken it upon myself to start imitating my yoga teacher’s killer advanced poses after class? Um, hell to the backbreaker no. But I listen to her intently when she teaches and gives me instructions, and whenever I’ve seen her I can’t wait for my next class.

That these people inspire me does not mean I have to imitate them. That’s not inspiration. I take the things that I love about them, look at my life and think about how their ideas and influences can have a positive effect on my life. Then I put some work into it and soon enough it’s part of me. In an original, pure sense.

Don’t waste your time copying other people. When you’re Peter on the playground, just get your little car toy and make it a motherfucker Transformer.

Meet the (unimportant) Ego.

 Ego, Important Stuff, Self-love  10 Responses »
Mar 192012
 

I’ve been reading a lot about ego lately. In ‘Spirit Junkie’, Gabrielle Bernstein talks about the ego in a way I completely understand and relate to. When I read something like that, something I understand and feel similarly, I know I’ve found something I can work with in my life. Maybe you can work with it in yours too, so I’d figure I’d give you a glimpse into (what I understand to be) our egos.

Our ego is basically our inner bitch or internal douchebag. It makes all sorts of judgments about ourselves and others, it makes us feel fearful and it disconnects us from the things and people we care about. Interestingly enough, this is done in an attempt to protect. Your ego isn’t really the bad guy, it’s just your overly protective watchdog: it bites everything that moves, just to be safe. Your ego sabotages. It’s like a shitty electrician. He acts like he can fix your TV (and you can even believe he’s really here to fix your TV) but before you know it he’s the reason why the power went out in your entire neigbourhood.

Your ego is responsible for insecurity, fear, being defensive, for the tiny mad ideas that come up in your mind. They’re often ridiculous, seemingly insignificant, and before you know it they take over and rule your world. Like the comment your mom made about your jeans: it must mean she thinks you’re fat and ugly and you feel insecure and terrified around her. Or that time your best friend had plans with another friend; it must mean she likes her better. So you start hating on that friend and telling yourself you’re better off anyway. Does this sound familiar?

I have plenty of material the ego can use against me. I am afraid I’m not good enough, so I’m easily threatened or intimidated. I have control issues, which is really fun when I can’t control something, obviously that’s just, awesome *sarcasm*. I also have a really bad reaction to people I love ‘leaving’ me. Whether it’s a break-up or more leaving in the sense that we don’t see eye-to-eye about something: I am immediately convinced I’m not loved, that they’ve never loved me. This results in me convincing myself I don’t give a fuck and completely shutting this person out of my life. I am not dramatic at all, right?

Actually…that’s really true. I really am not that dramatic anymore. Because I can recognize the ego and the thoughts that come along with it. By recognizing it, naming things exactly as they are (fear, insecurity, anger, confusion, powerlessness) and realising what’s making me feel, think and act like this, I have become one of the least dramatic people I know.

Because I now talk. About emotional stuff. I am not afraid to admit I feel alone, or sad, or unloved. I can welcome other people and accept exactly what they are feeling, thinking and saying because I accept I don’t have control over them. When people leave, they leave. When I feel like I’m less than someone else, I can snap out of it easily because it doesn’t matter. It’s not really important. Nothing the ego does is important. 

Love is important. Happiness is important. Taking care of yourself and the people you adore is important. Doing the things that energize you is important. Anything the ego says, makes you feel or wants you to do? It’s not important.

It can wait, preferably forever.

The Key Principles of Life for your Ultimate Self.

 General Self Help, Important Stuff  8 Responses »
Mar 072012
 

If there is one book I could recommend to you, it’s Steve Pavlina’s “Personal Development for Smart People.” I got it as an iBook for my iPad: the best 1,99 I have ever spent (it beats Plants VS Zombies and Angry Birds, so that means a lot.)  Also, can I just point out the bargain? This iBook is 2 euros. And it is mind blowing.

It is one of the best, if not the best book on self development I have ever read –and trust me, I’ve done the field work to know. His approach is intelligence meets intuition. I’ll discuss it more thoroughly in another post, but it’s great. You should definitely read it if you’re into self development.  The triangle below is what he discusses in the book, key principles to live by, with clear theory and instructions:

I started thinking about that today, those key principles of the Triangle. Truth, Love and Power. That combination is who I want to be, what I want to stand for.

Truth is a a mental state to me, one where I’m aware of what is important to me. It’s where I don’t get distracted by negativity, other people’s drama or less-than-ideal circumstances, because I am focused on the things that really matter. It makes it easy to have my behavior be completely in line with who I am on the inside. It’s also very easy for me to be straight with people when I’m in line with Truth. I know what’s right and what’s wrong because both my intuition and intelligence are completely in line. I may not know everything, but I know what is right, especially when it’s about my own choices and actions.

Love is the attitude where I am filled with love towards others. I am very relaxed because I feel loved, happy and safe. I am not suspicious, anxious or worried about my relationships or the people I love. I trust everyone in my life, and I assume them to be well and to mean well. I offer help and kind words to everyone I care for. It’s a very open and gentle attitude that I have towards everyone I meet.

And Power is a state where I do what has to be done, because I know and feel that I can, and so I do it. I don’t hesitate, don’t linger, don’t procrastinate. I am action-oriented. I feel capable and determined. I’m also operating from a sincere interest and curiosity: what can I do now? What can I do next? It’s not letting my time and my energy go to waste, using it well because I know I can.

For me, when those key principles come together, I am my Ultimate Self. Even without being a superstar, a bestseller writer or model thin. Even without having perfect skin, the perfect ass, the perfect shoes. I can feel that I’m being who I’m supposed to be, living how I’m supposed to live and therefore turning into who I am destined to be.

When do you feel like that?

The Importance of Being on Time.

 Important Stuff, Relationships, Time Management  14 Responses »
Mar 032012
 

Yesterday, one of my best friends in the world accidentally delivered an amazing lesson about why you should always do your absolute best to do what you say your’re going to do, or more specifically, to be somewhere when you say you’re going to be there.

I’ve known this friend for a long time, we met in early high school, she’s incredible. I’ve been coming around her place for almost ten years, and I know her parents quite well: very honest, hard-working and hospitable people. They are always happy to see me, they hug and kiss me, ask me how I am, how my parents are, and of course: why I don’t come around more often, stuff like that. They’re great, I adore them.

Last night I had some girlfriends over and we were talking about punctuality; they had arrived at my place an hour late, with only one exception. We were joking around: I was made fun of for not being the most punctual person in the world myself.

Now, I’ll make sure to be on time for official appointments like a dental cleaning, job interviews, classes: I hate being that one person that keeps everybody waiting, nor do I want to disrupt the schedule of a professional. I always make sure to be on time for stuff like that. But when it comes to social appointments, I’m not very punctual. Often I find myself running ten minutes late. If not more.

And then my friend said, laughing: “Did you know that when you’re supposed to come over and you’re late, my dad is just sitting there, waiting? He’s always supersleepy but refuses to go to bed, just so he can say ‘hi’ to you!”

And it hit home. Because I pictured that sweet, grey-haired man sitting there, yawning but looking out the window, waiting: just so he’d be downstairs when I arrived. Just so he could give me a hug. Just to ask me about my  life and my family and see if I’m okay. Just to show me he cares about me. And I had been letting him wait unnecessarily, so many times. This man, who works a tiring full-time job, sitting there, and I let him wait.

And then I thought of the other friends I have let wait for me. Of the many casual social dates I came rushing into, for no good reason other than procrastination or bad planning on my part.

And I realized more than ever that it’s disrespectful. Even if it seems tiny and insignificant, it comes across as a sign that I don’t care enough to be on time for someone. It comes across as if I don’t value their time and presence. And giving off the impression I don’t love people is not something I want to do, especially when I adore them. I don’t want my friends to ever be under the impression I don’t value their time and presence.

So I’m going to show respect by being on time for them. So we can spend the time together that we had decided upon and so they know I know their time is valuable.  They could have been doing a thousand other things that day; I should consider myself lucky when they want to spend time with me.

Of course you don’t have to be as dramatic about it as I’m being right now, and argue for circumstances for being late like public transit and lost keys. You can also say that “everybody does it” and “it’s not that big a deal”.

Well, fuck those excuses. All I keep picturing is my friend’s dad. It’s a really powerful image to me. And so is giving off even the tiniest signal I don’t value my friends as they should be valued.

I’m going to be on time from now on. Fashionably late is fucking lame anyway. Considerately on time is going to be the next big thing as far as I’m concerned.