Girl Needs Yoga: Halfway There (15/30).

 30 Day Trials, Girl Meets Yoga, Yoga  13 Responses »
Mar 222013
 

There are a few different sides to the story of why I decided to do a 30-day Bikram Yoga challenge again. I was emailing about it with Ruby Warrington — the next thing I know Bikram Yoga Rotterdam announced ‘The March Madness Challenge’ where you can sign up for -you guessed it- a 30 day challenge: 30 yoga classes in 30 days.

All very nice and synchronous, but not actually what made me do it.

See, I first started thinking of every reason not to do it. I mean, 30 days in a row is pretty doable, but it does require sacrifice. You need to set aside a big chunk of your time every day for thirty days. You are perpetually sore. You have to plan ahead in a lot of different areas: In clothes, in food, in washing, in how your entire day looks. You have less time for social events, less wiggle room to slack off, and you have to keep your priorities straight, very straight. Also, I envisioned the possibility of getting fed up with doing the 90-minutes routine every day again for the upcoming thirty days.

But what it came down to was this: I was feeling like shit.

I was feeling like shit and I was getting pretty desperate about getting out of it and feeling good again. From past experience I can safely say that whatever I need, yoga gives it to me and more. And at this point, I had gotten desperate enough. I was in yoga class and something inside me went “Fucking fine. I will fucking commit to my yoga practice again, JUST GET ME OUT OF THIS FUNK.”

It wasn’t about doing something impressive. It wasn’t about doing something cool; it was about doing something necessary.

Because I knew that everything would be better than how I was feeling at that point. Getting out of bed at 5:45 for five days in a row, the most extreme soreness, the worst yoga class, even the worst fuck-this-and-my-big-mouth moment? All that — still going to be better than that empty unhappy feeling that I’d been having for the past couple of weeks.

Which was why any reason why I couldn’t do it completely lost its meaning to me. I mean, fuck that. And so I walked up to my yoga teacher and asked him to put my name on the Sign Up Sheet.

That simple gesture made me feel a rush of relief. I was like ‘okay, cool (and about damn time).’  Let’s do it. Turning back to the very thing that had always taken care of me. No mindfuckery, no bullshit, just daily yoga practice.

Image-6

‘Just’ going to a yoga class for two weeks now. Yes, I am sore. When I wake up, I am a little stiff. Yes, I am tired sometimes. Yes, I have washed a lot of towels and yoga shorts.

I’ve been pestering Manfriend about physical changes (DO I HAVE ABS YET DO I HAVE ABS YET), but as you can see from the picture above: There aren’t really any. I feel good in my own skin though,  and I can feel that my body is functioning better (in terms of sleep, digestion, metabolism).

The mental changes are pretty cool. By doing that yoga routine every day I become so much more relaxed and focused. The racing thoughts slow down, I become calm, I find a spot from which I can actually see what is going on in my own head. I get a quieter, more organized mind.

Every time I do the yoga, I realize I’m coming back to an important part of my self.  Even when it’s a shit class, even when I can’t focus and even when my body is tired, I always come out with that nice, familiar energy that carries me throughout the day.

The most important thing about the yoga right now though is that everytime I do it, I feel something inside me calm down, and I feel trust. I believe that everything is going to be alright. I think for now, that’s enough.

Plenty, even.

Self Help Book: If You Have To Cry, Go Outside.

 Self Help Book Parade  8 Responses »
Mar 192013
 

photo-97

As I don’t know much anything about PR and only watched a few episodes of the Hills (just enough to be fucking annoyed with Heidi and Spencer), I had no idea who Kelly Cutrone was. Really. But I did remember reading about this book when it caught my eye in the book store so I picked it up. I liked her face on the cover and as I flipped through the pages it looked like something I would enjoy reading. So I got into it, and got behind it.

Discovery: Annemerel blogged about it a really long time ago (it was published in 2011*). I never got around to borrowing it from my fashion-fabulous friend so hadn’t read it yet! A few weeks ago, I was in the gorgeous Maastricht Selexyz, and I bought it there for 15,99. Turns out you can actually get it here for 13,99.

Subject: The life and lessons of Kelly Cutrone, a woman with so much life and business experience she could put a group of 50-something CEOs to shame. In the book, you read about her life, how she got from a girl who wanted to move to New York to the amazing position she is in now. You read about the successes as well as all the heartache and hardships, and of course all the things she learnt from all of that.

I may not know much about her world, but I instantly liked Kelly and enjoyed reading about her life. She is a power woman in every sense of the word and the stories of her life and business are fascinating and funny. The people she meets (she ushered Michael Jackson through a crowd and told off Donald Trump), the things she has done (PR, palm and tarot reading, almost becoming a rockstar and then back into PR again) and the way she runs her business and raises her daughter: It’s really cool to read about all that.

And there is so much inspiring stuff in there. Even though you may not want to work in fashion, PR, or live in New York: You can find a tip, a truth or a lesson in everything she says.

Kookiness Scale: 3. At one point she writes about a mystical experience that really helped her get rid of a nasty addiction and there is some wolf pack talk, but that’s her philosophy. I don’t think it would be bothersome to anyone. She’s so no-nonsense and clear all throughout the rest of the book.

Favorite Quotes:

  • “[Belvy] was prove that finding your tribe, like following your dreams, isn’t always what makes sense; it’s about what your soul needs.”
  • “If you’re the kind of person that senses that there is somehting out there for you beyond whatever it is you’re expected to do –if you want to be extra-ordinary– you will not get there by hanging around a bunch of people who tell you you’re not extraordinary.”
  • “I tell my employees I died several times while in the same body, each time paving the way for an amazing rebirth (talk about multitasking).”
  • “You can’t really know what it’s like to be filled unless you’ve been empty.”
  • “You weren’t having a breakdown, you were having a breakthrough.”
  • “I am devoted to my job not because I love it, but because I look at it as my spiritual practice. There is a word for this in India: Karmayoga. I am a karmayogi – someone who becomes conscious of herself and the Divine through work, not through meditation in some ashram or saying Hail Marys.”
  • “It’s not enough just to listen to your inner voice and ask yourself the hard questions about who you are and what you believe. Eventually you need to get strategic about refining and communicating to others what you are and wht you believe if you want to succeed.”
  • “There is a danger in trying to create your brand from the outside in. [...] Instead of an internal sketch, we spend half our teenage years cutting pictures out of magazines and pasting them on our bedroom walls, cobbling together how we want ourselves represented.”
  • “I firmly believe each woman is a goddess and that deep down inside herself she knows it.”
  • “I want you to fearlessly pursue your dreams and your destiny, conscious that you are not what you do, listening to your inner voice,refusing to let superficial things define you, asking yourself the hard questions about what you believe and what you will serve, fighting the fears in your own mind and finally, loving other women in the process.”
  • “Ultimately, I’d rather be the one living the life than observing and making catty comments about it.”

Self Help Hipster Stamp of Approval: Absolutely. I dig Kelly — the take-no-prisoners determinism, her brutal honesty and her Momma Wolf philosophy. I think a lot of women can learn a lot from her and this book is perfect for that. Well written, funny and inspiring. I actually like this book so much that her second book ‘Normal Gets You Nowhere’ is the next item on my book wishlist.

You should buy this book if…

  • You want to read about a kick-ass power woman and a great example.
  • You want an inspiring, truthful success story (that takes place in New York – We Love New York!)
  • You like to read more about the PR business and get a peek behind the scenes of high fashion.
  • You want to get motivated about becoming a glorious gutsy power girl yourself.

*Talk about a ‘fashionably’ late book review, right? Right?! Come on guys, I am trying SO hard for you. PUNS. 

The Purpose Of This Blog

 Important Stuff  21 Responses »
Mar 182013
 

A little over a year ago, I started this website. Because I wanted to. Because I ran out of funny things to say about myself and all the coffee I drink. Because it’s safer to chronically over-share your self help knowledge than your love life. Because I wanted a website different from everyone else’s, because you know, ain’t nobody got time for that. I wanted different. I wanted funny. I wanted helpful, authentic and awesome, and I wanted to deliver it in my own voice, in my actually-tragically-mainstream glasses.

Over time I got a little lost in my own high standards and the purpose of the blog. See, I refuse to write anything that I’ve seen on seventeen different blogs before mine. It’s a pride thing. And sometimes I want to be helpful so badly that I can’t come up with something to say. Over time, I tried to take myself out of the website, because I felt talking about myself didn’t really serve the purpose.

But I was wrong about that. Because the purpose, the one thing I want to share most, beyond my dumbass jokes and my head-in-the-clouds nonsense, is how I am actually improving my life with self help. And what I believe more than anything else is that anyone can do that.

You really can help yourself. Through your choices and words and actions. By what you do, what you eat, what you choose to say (or don’t say). You can help yourself by selecting what you expose yourself to, the books, the people, the environment, the activities.

You can help yourself every single day by doing things that make you better, healthier, happier, more successful, whatever you want.

It doesn’t have to be on paper and in books. It fucking shouldn’t be. It is in there, but you can (have to!) take it out. You can use it and practice it. You can take it out off the books and off the Internet and see if it really works in the real work.

And more than anything else, I created this website for information and evidence that it can be done. This website is a wholehearted fucking “YES” to whatever it is you want to do.

That yes, you can become disciplined. Yes, you can learn how to be productive and stop procrastinating. Yes, you can create great habits.

Yes, you can go from unfit and lethargic to fit and flying. Yes, you can go from couch potato to work out junkie. Yes, you can get used to green juice. Yes, you can go from a standard Western diet to a raw food diet.  You can have a good relationship with food and your body.

Yes, you can figure out finances, love, friendships, goals, dreams. Yes, you can co-create your life. Yes, you can customize your life to your design. Whether it is through rigorous behavioral adjustments, spiritual guidance, asking the Universe, goal setting, manifesting, or all of the above: You can do it, however you want.

And I don’t want to just tell you that, I want to show you how it’s done…and that it can be done. That yes, you can work out every day. You can decide to quit coffee. You can meditate. You can get high grades or perform excellent at work. You can give up toxic people and attract  the right ones.

Because the most important thing to know about me for you, sweet angel face reader, is this: I am just like you. Literally. I have no special abilities, no gene that poses any advantage in this department. I have flaws, problems, sometimes I am down, sometimes I just want to watch TV and sometimes I eat too many cupcakes. The only thing I have going for me is a self help book collection and an Internet connection.

So whatever I write about, whenever I write about something that I am doing, be it healthy food, spirituality, manifesting, productivity, relationships or personal stuff, you have to realize my main message on-line is always always always this: If I can do it, so can you.

Less Whining* & Ego Backlash.

 Personal, Uncategorized  2 Responses »
Mar 122013
 

Photo on 2013-03-05 at 15.09 #2

(In case anyone is wondering**, this is not greasy hair. I had actually just washed my hair but I reached a hair length where blowdrying takes half my day and the sacrifice of two small animals. I am lazy. I tend to walk around with wet hair most of the time.)

So. Over the past few days I became aware of a couple of things. Number one, my Bloglovin’ stats have -quite undeservingly- been growing. …I’m not even here! I am dicking around in the real world, worrying about my quarter-life crisis! I think it’s hilarious: You guys either like my whining personal updates OR are just loving the fact that I am not here regularly.

Second, putting a whiny piece about yourself on the Internet? Will not actually make you feel better. In fact, it’s just sort of embarassing. And I have a high threshold for embarassing shit. I danced to Britney Spears ‘Hit Me Baby (One More Time)’ at an assemblee. So for all on-line writers, let this be a lesson: Whining on the Internet does not make you feel better. So you know, you might as well not do it.

Glad that I did it, though. For myself and for you guys. I think I needed to share, and I want to paint a realistic portrait of who I am as well as the ‘positive lifestyle’ (wow that sounds awful). See, I think a healthy way to live is to work on as much positivity and proactivity as you can, and be all about the rainbows and puppies. But you know what? It can still rain, and your puppies shit on the carpet.

Just because you make a lot of gratitude lists and read a lot of self help books doesn’t mean you can’t go through a rough patch. Even the positivity-breathing self-help junkie gets down (on herself) every once in a while. What is important is that you don’t let it knock you down. At least not for long. It’s not like you have been doing it all for nothing, you just need to take your time to recover and bounce back.

Now, as the self help enthusiast that I am, I reread many of my favorite self help books over and over again. I always find something new I can work with. And I stumbled upon something that resonated very well with me and what I’m going through right now, written in one of my favorite spiritual self help books ‘Add More ~Ing To Your Life’, by Gabby Bernstein who is fabulous and spiritual at the same time***.

I read about “ego backlash” and instantly knew that this was at least partially in play in my life right now. Basically it’s when you’ve been doing well for quite a while, committing to taking good care of yourself and your life and all of a sudden your ego freaks the fuck out and “drag you right down”. In the book Gabby described that when it happened to her, she called her mentor who told her:

“Many times when things are good, we stop working as hard. That allows the ego to slip back in. So the best thing to do when things are good is actually to work harder.” 

This was true for me. Things were good. Everything was fine, you know? Nothing major, but at least going well at an easy pace. And I had stopped working as hard as I used to do because of it. Less healthy food, more coffee. Less yoga, more television. Too little time dedicated to writing and reiki, too much time procrastinating on the Internet. And when I was vulnerable after two disappointing events, the ego was able to hit me down with a sledgehammer and every issue I ever had about myself.

So I’m back to working hard for my emotional, physical and mental well-being. Behind the scenes, I am actually busting my ass for my own well-being. More healthy foods, more intellectually stimulating stuff, of course, yoga and bringing back all the other things I lost over time.

And I find that taking the pro-active road in feeling better in itself already helps. t’s like I finally am coming to terms with how I am feeling at this moment, with how my life looks at this moment, because I know I am on my way to feel better and on my way to do better.

And now that we all know I am on my way to become less whiny and more self help preachy again, I am going to put on several of my warmest sweaters because honestly from the temperatures here I could have sworn I accidentally teleported to Siberia***. Later babes.

*The long awaited critically acclaimed sequel to Some Whining. 

**And I sincerely hope you’re not.

***Proving you need to wear hemp shirts and chant to multi-limbed Gods to incorporate a spiritual practice into your life. You can be spiritual AND wear amazing shoes as the same time. 

****Slight exaggeration may occur. 

Random Time, Two Random Goals.

 Goals  9 Responses »
Mar 062013
 

You can set goals on meaningful moments. Like New Year’s Eve or your birthday, the start of a new week or a sparkling new month: Those times when you’re on the brink of something new, the future seems wide open. You feel like you can have a clean slate and a fresh start. It’s always good to write down goals, dreams and wishes for that upcoming time that’s still for the taking; it helps you charge more confidently towards those things.

But you don’t have to wait for those moments. You can decide on goals to set yourself pretty much at any moment. Random Sunday afternoons, dreary Wednesdays, slow days at work. Or you know, watching the first episode of Sherlock Season2 and you are just not really following what’s happening on screen but at least Benedict Cumberbatch is really attractive. For example.

For me it’s not so much about a clean slate. This is super random, with no fresh start of any kind in sight. It’s fucking Wednesday evening, I am in the middle of a psychology course I am teaching, I am already two weeks in my yoga studio subscription, and March is already almost a week old by now. It’s more an attempt to scrub my slate clean by paying more attention to what I want.

I do some things just fine on default, but there is nothing like clearly defined written goals to keep me going in the right direction. Because so help me baby Jesus, Duran Duran, and Steven Spielberg, I am getting out of this fucking rut.

Anywho, these are things without deadline or without achievement attached, because that is not what this is about. These are just things I want to continuously do. Because I feel they can help me feel better and get my normal act together.

1. Clean up my diet. I eat alright most of the day, but caffeine and refined sugar have crept right back in as a staple of my diet. And when I am busy or stressed, I grab easy snacks, eat more processed stuff or forget to eat entirely, resulting in being superhungry and eating something weird at home straight from the fridge.

Also, despite eating more vegan food, I haven’t kept a vegetarian diet the past six months. Long story short, I started craving meet really badly during the summer. After some debate, I had some. Very strong, but I did like it. Since them I have (organic) meat every once in a while. I am not experiencing any health issues from it (yet), but although I was okay with it in the beginning, it doesn’t sit entirely well with me morally. I mean, it’s still animal. I don’t mind being labelless about what I am eating, but I don’t like not knowing whether I want to convert or revert. At least for now, I am reverting back to vegetarianism.

I am also going back to 80% alkaline, mostly raw food and 20% treats (quite possibly that latte, your honor). Upping the green juice, green smoothies and healthy snacks* in between.

2. Train my brain. Laugh at me if you want, but I am very paranoid about becoming stupid.

I am convinced you need to keep developing skills and stimulate your brain if you want to continue to keep the same cognitive capacity. If you don’t use it, you lose it. One sure way to lose your wits is by passive relaxation (or at least too much of it) and complacency. I do not want to lose any academic edge or trained ability that I have achieved over the course of my education. In order to keep that from happening, I gotta up my brain-training game which has been virtually non-existant for quite a while.

As my huge pop culture knowledge and super short attention span prove, I have been watching way too many television shows as well as firing a million impulses per hour at my brain through the Internet. That’s not what I want to do to my head.

Instead, I want to write and read for relaxation like I used to. Instead of watching television shows (for the umpteenth time) I want to use music as background noise when I am doing random household chores, and preferably sing again. I want to hoop, run and do yoga for fun instead of refresh Twitter, Facebook and Gmail. I want to learn how to do epic brain teasers, make cryptic crossword puzzles( in English, I can do Dutch) and do superhard Sudokus**. I want to read scientific literature and classic novels. Honestly. What is the point of working at a university if you don’t exploit use their resources? What is the point of having a personal library to die for*** if you’re not going to read what is in it?

So basically, I want to take better care of my brain, by choosing better things to do than overstimulating it with television and Internet. Now if only Mindfeud wasn’t so damn addictive that’d be grand.

And there you have it. A relatively upbeat non-whiny post about my goals. In a nutshell: Food for health and food for thought. Should be doable!

Now, tell me about you? What are your goals/priorities at the moment? Kisses!

*That’s totally my downfall. Once I’ve had my healthy foods and crave something sweet/salty during the afternoon, I just grab something that looks good. 

**I know, I know: 2008 called and wanted its trend back, but I just fucking love Sudokus. 

***Some people have shoe collections. I have books. 

Some Whining.

 Personal  22 Responses »
Mar 032013
 

4-up on 2013-03-01 at 08.35

(Enter exasperated sound here.)

Look, not that having my plethora of issues and first world problems on-line for the entire world to see isn’t super-appealing or whatever, but it can be distilled into a few simple sentences we probably have all thought about ourselves at one point or another:

I am disappointed.

In myself. In who I am or better said, who I am not (yet). I feel like this half assed, average version of what I am supposed to be. I know I am being dramatic. I know I have crazy ridiculous standards I hold myself against**. I know my current mood is a huge influence on my dramatics. But it’s how I feel anyway. Brain chemistry 1 – Rationalization 0.

As anyone who knows me is well aware of, I have the attention span of a coke fed gerbil. I let that attention-span rule me a little too much — I find everything in life incredibly distracting and let it distract me up to a point where I don’t even know where I am anymore. And a few weeks ago I landed back where I am. I looked around, something snapped awake, and snapped at me: 

“Really? Really, Li? Is this it? You’re a twenty-something writer who teaches part-time, you do some yoga and you write fluffy self help articles on the Internet. Big whoop. …What happened to you and your big goals and dreams? Are you really this average person with a big nose***?”

So, this realization on top of just a general sense of dissatisfaction and a few setbacks kind of sent me down into a further fit of detachment and despair.

Which is unlike me. For one thing, I am usually that positive nut job that gets really happy over a double latte, the smell of rain and all that nonsense. That usually helps me bounce back quickly. For another, I am quite literally a walking, talking database of everything self help and self development****. You know I love the point of “you have to use what you know before it works” and I am a very, very good example of this right now. All this knowledge has been unsuccessful in kicking my own ass back into my normal patterns and back into the flow.

Thusfar, at least. Because as these past weeks passed, I realized two things.

First, being disappointed in myself sucks. Being disappointed in yourself, for whatever reason, big or small, is a burden. But not one you can’t lift, not one you can’t get rid of. Whether it is by correcting past mistakes or by being better, there is something you can do about it.

Second, desperate times? Desperate measures. It’s gonna feel about as natural as icefishing on Mars, but I am going to Rambo my way through this fucking crisis. There is one thing that improves my life no matter what. Time to put some action-hero mentality back into the game.

*I AM TURNING 25 IN A FEW WEEKS AND I’M TAKING IT LIGHTLY, CAN’T YOU TELL. 

**Which is usually a good thing because nobody gets anywhere by raising the bar to medium. 

***As those of you who follow me on Instagram know, it’s national Nose Joke Week. Enjoy. 

****When I people give me advice, I just want to scream “YES I KNOW I READ 23 BOOKS ON THE SUBJECT PLEASE STOP TALKING BEFORE I PUNCH YOU” 

Do’s and Don’ts of Asking Someone Out!

 Love, Relationships, Self Help Hipster's Advice  7 Responses »
Feb 212013
 

I find dating and mating rituals of the human species fucking fascinating, don’t you?

I myself have been out of the game for a long time, I’ve been with Manfriend for almost 2,5 years now. But once upon a time, dear reader, I was capable of brutal honesty as well as cunning manipulation in romance to get into people’s hearts, pants or both. Both strategies occasionally got me in trouble, but a lot of the time I just got what I wanted.

Now, happily involved with Manfriend thanks to some matchmaking and brutal honesty, I now just shamelessly observe other people’s dating lives*. It’s daytime television, but in real life. What is my favorite thing to watch is how it takes FOREVER for people to take action upon liking someone.

Which I get. There are few things more terrifying than asking out a person you like. For one thing, you put yourself in a very vulnerable position. You’re saying “HEY – I’D DO YOU” in a more politically correct way. Second, it’s possible they don’t feel the same way (for whatever reason) and that’s always shit. We want the people we like to like us back.

But, asking out a person you like is also really awesome. A) You teach yourself it’s good to ask for what you want B) you give someone else a huge compliment by showing them you think they are so doable lovely that you are willing to ask them out, and C) …they could say ‘yes’.

Now because of all of my slut dating LIFE experience, I figured out a few do’s and don’ts to keep in mind when you like someone and thinking of ‘pursuing them’ (in a non-restraining order kind of way).

DON’T

  • Do not rush things like you’re some sort of Belieber Tween who’s spotted a Bieber look-a-like to**. Dip your toes in the potential swimming pool before you dive in. Get to know the guy or girl in front of you first, beyond their great hair or their beautiful eyes.

DO

  • Pay attention to how they respond to you. Now is the best time to keep your antennae out for social cues. Nothing you need a decoder or analysis team for, just the simple things. Eye contact, smiles, interest in your life, body language, stuff like that. See if it feels like there is something there.

DON’T

  • Do not expect them to be THE ONE just because. It’s a strain on whatever you and this person might become, whether it’s just the casual date, short term fling, partner, great friends or eventual booty call potential. It’s best to keep all your fairytale fantasies on the shelf for the first bit.

DO

  • Instead, just establish a connection with the person in front of you. That’s hard, I know — we tend to impose our romantic ideas and notions on the person in front of us, but instead just be genuine with the person in front of you. Be open, make jokes, make the other person feel good without any expectations and be selfless with them. It’s a good look.

DON’T

  • When you do feel a click with this person and you decide you really want to get closer, don’t hatch an elaborate scheme for any of that. Don’t come up with a dumb ass reason to get someone’s number, don’t pretend to hang out somewhere you know they come all the time in the hopes you will see them, don’t get all complicated.

DO

  • Keep it simple. How hard is it, really? “You want to have a drink after work?”, “Can I have your number?” or “I want to go see that movie, you wanna come?” Such short sentences should be able to be uttered with relative ease.
  • Be honest and clear, even in this first stage. You think he’s beautiful? Fucking tell him you think he’s beautiful! You would like to take him to your favorite sushi place? Fucking tell him and ask him if he wants to check it out with you! People underestimate how flattering it is to hear stuff like that. If you sincerely think or feel something positive about them, they deserve to know. They might take it to heart for the rest of their life, in a good way, even if your dating never goes anywhere.

DON’T

  • When you’re not sure what’s going on in their head, when you can’t really figure out what is going on or when you haven’t heard from them in a while: Don’t freak out. Don’t spend your days checking your phone or e-mail, don’t start de- and reconstructing everything they do to find some sort of clue, basically: don’t get obsessive. Instead, focus on the other things you have going on in your life and trust that if you need to know something, they will tell you or the silence will eventually speak for itself.
  • DON’T get passive-agressive about it. No emails or texts with “Soooo….are you on a mission to outer space? You know, since you didn’t call? Jackass?” and no snippy behavior when you run into them. You are better than that.

DO

  • Feel absolutely free to ask about what you want to know. “So, did you have a good time on our date?” and “You want to do it again sometime?” and possibly “Did I do something wrong?” when they don’t contact you. If you want to know something, never be afraid to ask.
  • Be honest about how you feel as well, no matter what the other party might think or feel. “I had a good time.” and “I think you’re awesome/doable.”  and “If you want to and are available, I’d love to see you again next weekend.” People seem to have this aversion against being vulnerable and honest, but I say ‘fuck it’. Life’s too short to play games. Even if you don’t get what you want, at least you are a sincere badass that saves time by being direct.
  • If things are going well, be considerate in terms of pace and affection. Be attentive to how the other person is feeling and how they like to proceed. Nothing wrong with knowing what you want, but it shouldn’t go against what the other person might want.

And that’s about all the opinions I have about that. I hope you have a happy love life, whether it’s single, dating here and there or a relationship, being happy is the most important thing — with or without another person.

*I’m sorry but if you’re going to either obnoxiously flirt or fight in public as a couple I have my fucking eye on you. Don’t like it, take it private.  

**I also find Beliebers very fascinating. 

My Favorite Steve Pavlina Quotes:

 Life lessons, Steve Pavlina  8 Responses »
Feb 202013
 

I’ve told you before that my favorite self help book is Steve Pavlina’s Self Development For Smart People. For those of you who are interested have no clue what I am talking about right now, this is my old book-review of Self Development For Smart People and I talked about it again here.

What is special about this self help book is what it does to me. A lot of self help books are very excitatory in their  way of writing: The writer tries to really motivate you and you basically feel the chest-pounding and grunting happening inside you as you read. I like those books, and they get me excited and motivated, and that’s good.

However, motivation wanes. As you may have experienced yourself, reading a self help book gives you motivation for a little while, but often once you’ve finished the book the peak goes to regular level, or even a drop.

But this book by Steve Pavlina has a very calm way of writing. It’s not chest-poundy at all, instead it’s very relaxed…but radically truthful and enlightening. The energy behind the writing is very clear and whenever I read it, I don’t start pounding my own chest – instead I start thinking and figuring things out. It’s nice.

I started rereading it again this week (I reread most of my favorite books a few times a year) and already I feel better and more consciously aware. Thanks to these quotes, mostly. Now, these are quotes JUST from the three first chapters — the book has way more gems and reading everything else puts them in a great context, but I couldn’t resist putting them up.

  • You can’t solve problems if you don’t admit they exist. The first step on your path of personal growth must be to recognize that your life as it stands right now isn’t how you want it to be.
  • By embracing new experiences that are unlike anything you’ve previously encountered, you’ll literally become more intelligent.
  • Establish basic routines only to provide a stable foundation for branching out into unexplored territory.
  • One part of us wants to be healthy, happy, and highly conscious. another part wants nothing more than to eat, sleep, have sex and be lazy. Without the presence of consciousness, we fall into reflexive patterns by default, living more like unconscious animals than fully sentient beings.
  • Journaling is one of the easiest and most powerful ways to discover new truths. By getting your thoughts out of your head and putting them down in writing, you’ll gain insights you’d otherwise miss.
  • The decision to connect is the essence of love.
  • Don’t wait for loving connections to fall into your lap. Go out and consciously create them.
  • In truth, you can love absolutely anything. Love is not an accident. Love is a choice to recognize the deep nonphysical connection we all share.
  • No one is coming to rescue you. No one will hand you the career of your dreams, and no one will solve your relationship problems. No one will lose the extra fat on on your body. If you don’t proactively solve your own problems, they will never be solved.
  • Self determination means that you’re completely free to decide what you want. You don’t need anyone’s permission or approval. Your choices are yours.
  • Self discipline is the willingness to do what it takes to achieve the results you want regardless f your mood. When you’re feeling unmotivated, apathetic, bored, or lazy, self-discipline provides your second wind and keeps you moving. It’s your fail-safe, your motivational back-up system.
  • Disciplining yourself to do what needs to be done, even when you don’t feel like it, isn’t easy. Building your self-disciplin is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. It’s so difficult that some people will do almost anything to avoid it — procrastinate endlessly, do drugs, even commit suicide. But despite the difficulty, self-discipline remains one of the most significant aspects of personal development. Without it, your life is doomed to remain a pale shadow of your potential. Imagine all the wonderful accomplishments that will be within your grasp once you become disciplined enough to consistently follow through on your best intention.

Especially the last four basically buzz with truth for me – I love them. Good reminders for me, and maybe for you too. Hope you guys have a lovely Wednesday. I’m pretty sure I saw ACTUAL sunlight just now, so that’s exciting. Kisses.

Being Green(er)

 Advertorial, Important Stuff  6 Responses »
Feb 192013
 

Remember this girl? Anne Walraven, mind and moxie behind FutureFuel?

This girl goes all over the world to interview people who have done brilliant things for the world and environment, trying to find the answer to the question: “What can we do?” Because Anne is thinking about the world that we are in, that we have to maintain as well as fix up, and she is taking great action to answer that question by talking to the brilliant minds who have had a big positive influence on the world. Like Jane Goodall (pictured above), for example.

I find Anne very inspiring. And she makes me think about this kind of stuff, that I normally don’t think about much.

See, I kind of freak out when I think about the big picture because it is just so big and scary. Things like oil spills, oil running out, ozone layers and the rain forest being cut down. It makes me want to jump into the ocean and fish out the plastic and oil, as well as tie myself to one of those big giant trees. Unfortunately I can’t dive to make the first happen and my work schedule doesn’t alIow me to do the last and last time I tried assuming the fetal position didn’t really get me anywhere either.

So instead, I am trying to figure out my own small ways to be ‘green’ or at least go a little ‘greener’.

  • I try to ‘vote with my wallet’ when it comes to groceries. I am practical about it, but I am trying to buy more organic produce when I can. Also, I try to buy local which coincidentally is the same as organic a lot of the time. We have a bio-store nearby and a lot of their stuff is local. Easy and good for the carbon-footprint.
  • I try to recycle, in terms of bottles and plastic and paper. I just love walking to the bins with bags that suggest I’m a bookworm alcoholic.
  • When Manfriend and I got our apartment, we chose Green Choice energy and gas as our supplier. Green energy and great service.
  • I take my old clothes to good will – unless it is truly to ratty or ugly for anyone to wear of course.
  • For our next house, I really really want these solar systems on my roof and this solar hot water system would be a really cool bonus. I think it’s well worth the investment on multiple levels; I like the pro-active independence of installing those things in your own home. VELUX ®, although being known for their blinds actually has a really cool solar powered division that I have in mind for the future.

For those of you who are concerned with and interested in these type of things: What do you do that is environmentally conscious/aware? Any tips?

(If you really want to see something cool, you should check out this list of the 25 most innovative and inspiring iniatives of young people who want to do something for our planet. I love it.)

Bikram Bitch Post: #2 and #3

 Yoga  26 Responses »
Feb 182013
 

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Okay, the second week was pretty good. I found it pretty easy to get used to always having a yoga mat and bag with my gear on me again and I rediscovered a little more why I love my yoga practice so much: I always come out energized, even when I’m sore and I just feel better about everything. Plus, I process in there. It helps me deal with things.

It becomes easier to get my stuff and just go without overthinking it. When I’m too busy, I skip a day. When I’m too sore, I also skip a day. But when I go, I’m happy that I can go and I enjoy my class. I did a class with 80+ (!) people last Sunday and that was really intense.

(Despite the lack of abs) my body has gotten pretty strong and is used to the yoga, so I don’t need to sit down anymore. The main thing is concentration and determination now. Not my strong suit, but the yoga mat is a good place to work on them.

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This last week the score is considerably lower, I only went twice. I had a lot of work stuff going on and my weekend was filled with social obligations. However, considering the steep decline in my general well-being I consider it a victory I managed to drag myself to that one 06:30 AM class and the midday class this Saturday. Both classes were really nice, and they were two bright moments in my week.

Look, guys, I know you expect a lot of positivity from me: I gladly give that most of the time, but I am not going to fake anything. And the truth of the matter is that even though I have so much to be grateful for and happy about, I am in a dark place right now. Not because of anything that’s going on in my life, but just because I got dark. Like, on the inside, for no good reason. I don’t know, I guess my existential crisis came a little early this year.

But not to worry, I am going to be okay. I am going to keep adding bright moments, as I am the one with the power to turn the lights back on inside.

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