Self Help Hipster, Skepticism And Science.

 Dear Self Help Hipster  4 Responses »
Dec 122012
 

Verena asked me some questions a little while ago, about the potential issues with my whole spirituality and self help deal and my education and career in psychology. How do I handle the scientific skepticism that is installed in me due to my education? And how do I respond to scientific-minded people who think I’m dealing a bunch of non-proven crap? How do I combine everything and deal with everything?

Personally

I experience some inner turmoil over the whole “Universe” and “Energy” stuff that no (psychological) study has proven, but not very much. Since it has always affected my life in such a super-positive way, I personally don’t need any more evidence to keep using it; what can I say? I’m easy like that.

As long as it works for me, I will practice…and preach! I really enjoy writing about it– it forces me to think about how it could work, and more importantly, how it can be put to work. I like practical stuff. If you can’t use an idea to actually help you, it’s no good. So I try to figure out how it is optimally used and put up articles about it.

Because even if it’s not “Universe” and “Energy” and it’s just an elaborate self-created way of thinking, it’s still the most functional way of thinking you can have: Adaptive, flexible, resilient, positive, solution-minded and using your creativity and imagination in a helpful way.

And let’s not forget it totally puts the ‘fun’ in functional. I love little mental tricks, happy thoughts and spotting synchronicity in my life. I entertain myself with gratitude, positivity and manifesting, and I do little experiments for myself to see how it works. It keeps me busy: It was either that or knitting.

That I work with the Law of Attraction and manifesting is my personal choice and so is writing about it. I am who I am and I love what I love and I am one big fluffy ball of self acceptance. Hooray.

Work And Outside of work

Now, I don’t feel like I have to ‘cover up’ anything about myself. Some of my coworkers know about my website (and even read along, hi guys!) I also tell my students when I’m introducing myself. I’m a happy camper and I am a pretty honest nerd.

That being said, I know my audience. Both in the psychology department and out in the open, I use non-threatening terms like ‘positive thinking’ and ‘goal setting’ to explain what I concern myself with.

I always keep it short too. I don’t go into lengthy explanations on how, and why, and ‘oh join the Dark Side we have magical worksheets that will change your life’. It’s not the place nor the time: I’m at work.

Both in and outside of the workplace, I compare it to being a cat person. Unless someone else is also a cat person, you wouldn’t show pictures of Mister Whiskers or talk elaborately about Garfield’s love for tuna cakes, would you? I only explain or elaborate when I am invited to do so. I find that if people are interested in these sort of things, they usually scribble down the url I mention or come talk to me after a meeting.

When it comes to academics and PHd candidates, I don’t really talk about it at all. That’s not really because I’m afraid to talk about my ‘weird stuff’ with them, I’m just afraid to talk them period. I usually find their genius a little terrifying. However, the times I have taken my Valium I’m perfectly comfortable and capable of having a conversation about other topics with them. After all, I totally respect that this is not everyone’s cup of mushroom tea.

Combining it with real life 

I can combine my perspective perfectly fine with reality. I know which roles I play in different areas (teacher, non-crazy friend, sane granddaughter, researcher, etc) and what those roles consist of. I always know the audience I am dealing with, and most importantly, I don’t feel the need to convert everyone I meet into Law of Attraction believers and create my personal army of Manifest Enthusiasts to take over the world*.

I am allowed to think using the Law of Attraction can be beneficial even without scientific evidence to back it up. Someone else is allowed to think that I’m absolutely ‘kookoo for Coco Puffs’, as Sheldon Cooper put it. I very much enjoy being a high-functioning crazy person.

Now I’m off to find my gratitude journal and see an imaginary Universal delivery man about some orders. After all, it’s after office hours. ;-)

*Hold on, that sounds pretty cool actually. Anyone got a brainwash-technique I can borrow?

How Do I Handle The Amazing In My Life?!

 Dear Self Help Hipster, Self Help Hipster's Advice  5 Responses »
Nov 102012
 

What better time  to go over a reader’s question than on a Saturday morning: copious amounts of ginger tea under my belt, juice in my hand and a sleeping Manfred still in bed. Later in the day I hope to have Manfred’s hands under my belt in bed, but that’s a story not suitable for the Internetz. Anyway.

One of my Self Help School Students sent me an e-mail. “What do you do when you receive something in your life that is so good that you don’t feel you deserve it?”

What should you do when something falls into your lap so glorious, you immediately think to yourself that it’s too much and that you’re not worthy? It’s a question a lot of people ask themselves. Beyonce, of all people, asks herself this question.

It’s a feeling that I relate to, I consider myself pretty blessed. I’m blessed with spending a lot of time doing what I love while around people that make my happy. Things are going well with my writing – I help people and if I don’t help them, I keep them briefly entertained (or annoyed, whatever). I have a boyfriend who is cute and not clinically insane. I have a best friend who feels like she was an extra limb I had just lost for the first 22 yeas of life. Do I deserve this?

I don’t know. I hope so? Sometimes I feel like I do, other times I feel like I don’t. I think that’s natural, and I think that might be a good thing. For me personally at least, it’s great: It keeps me humble and it keeps me from taking things for granted.

Because what I always try to do is honor the things I receive. What I always do when I get something that is just amazing to me, is I make a little mental promise to myself and the thing I have just been blessed with: “Even though I don’t feel I deserve it, I will treat it to the best of my ability.”

And if that doesn’t help and I keep going over not being worthy in my head, I eventually just nip in the bud with another one to myself: “I wouldn’t have received it if I wasn’t able to treat it as it should be treated. If I’m not worthy now, I will be.”

Basically, if you practice a little humility, good will and gratitude, I’m sure that you do deserve the good that falls upon you (and that you are perhaps even receiving it so that you realize this?). Treat it to the best of your ability and always remember to say ‘thank you’, and I’m thinking you’re going to be alright.

“Why Am I Not Doing What I Want To Do?!”

 Dear Self Help Hipster, Making Things Easier  10 Responses »
Oct 012012
 

I’ve referred to The Agony Aunt before: It’s basically the name for that column in the newspaper of some sort where people send in letters with questions and problems they need help with. The columnist (the Agony Aunt) replies with something nice and helpful. Now, I am very flattered to say that I’ve actually become some sort of Agony Aunt: all these lovely girls send me e-mails with questions or post in the Contact Page on my blog to help me with their stuff! Even though I curse all the time and make stupid jokes. Thanks you guys.

First of all, if I haven’t replied to yet: I’m sorry. Real life gets in the way of my Internet Duties. Before I know it it’s been months since I saw your e-mail or comment. But I never forget, and I’m here to better my ways and answer a question I should have answered a long time ago. Sorry I’ve kept you waiting, Irla!

“Why am I not doing what I want to do?! I want to start doing 30 minutes of yoga at home and practice with visualization and affirmation  but I always end up thinking ‘oh, I’ll do that tomorrow’ and never really start, while I know I would feel so much happier if I just went ahead and do it! What is wrong with me?!” 

First of all, there is nothing with you: We all have your problem.I’ll explain why. People have this idea in their head that whenever they want to change something in their behavior, they can just decide to do so and be done with it. This is correct in theory, because any behavioral change starts by making up your mind. However, in reality our behavior is not just governed by that one thought. Instead it is based on experience, previous thoughts and behaviors, which has created an Auto Pilot program that is easy for you to run on. You can read more about this Auto Pilot here.

You do things on AutoPilot and the fact you want to change something in your AutoPilot does not cause the automatic change! You need more for that. You have to govern your behavior for a little while until it becomes part of your AutoPilot Program. But because your AutoPilot just wants to continue running as it does, it runs by you and your mind goes like “we’ll do it some other time.” Sound familiar?

But of course, these things can be dealt with. What can really help you here is the folllowing:

  • Start out small (even smaller than you think you should). I have a friend who realized she couldn’t start from scratch with an entire yoga routine and smart cookie that she is, she started with one Sun Salutation. One. You know why? It’s the very first start of creating a new habit, and no matter how small you start, you can build up from there. After a week of one sun salutation, you can find yourself adding an extra posture when you’re up for it.
  • Make it a 30 Day Challenge. I assume you want to create a new habit because you think it will be beneficial. When you try it out for a while, you will be able to see for yourself if the benefits are truly worth the hassle of the new habit. You don’t have to do it forever, you just have to do it now!
  • Do it for your Future Self. This is one of my Catch Phrases. I know if I do it now, I won’t have to do it later and this effectively makes my life easier during the rest of the day. I do the dishes immediately so my Future Self doesn’t have to deal with sticky pans and pots. I exercise in the morning so I don’t have to worry if I will have the time and energy during the evening. See what I mean? If you start now, if you do it now, you will basically give your Future Self a little gift!
  • Deal With The Autopilot. Whenever I’m in the midst of creating a new habit, I just go through the motions, even though it feels extra annoying and exhausting, because I know for a fact that in a week or two, I’ll hardly even notice it.
  • DO IT NOW. This is Steve Pavlina’s catchphrase, but I’m sure he will let us borrow it. He’s a cool guy. The more you say this to yourself, the more you become action-oriented and start doing things straight away.

I hope I have helped you a little. Have a great Monday!