How do I attract a boyfriend? I’ve been asked this question a few times now, and for good reason. We all want romance in our lives, no? Romance adds that flicker of glamour, gives us something to hope for, makes us glow and giggly and let’s not forget…love is the most powerful thing in the Universe. Romantic love, ah l’amour? One of the most spectacular, complex and strong things we will ever face in our existence.
But maybe it hasn’t happened for you yet. Maybe it has happened but ended: sizzling out or ended in crushing heartbreak. In both cases: hugs. And maybe it has happened, but it just wasn’t it, you know? Whatever the reason, you’re not in a romantic love relationship. You’re single, but you’d really really really like to (finally) experience a romantic love. Do you want to attract a partner? Fine. Let’s get to it.
First thing you do, I don’t care if you’re 16, 26 or 46. If you want this to work you’re going to work on this first. And I’m never this Drill Instructor-Like but I need to make a point. This is a big deal. Here’s what I need you to do: Chill the fuck out.
Because He* is on his way. Your angst, stress and worrying whether or not your cat is going to eat your face when you die is an unnecessary waste of time. He’s out there having breakfast, playing video games with his friends, working out (hopefully – good for the yum-factor) doing awesome things, doing fucked up shit, figuring out who he is and hopefully being respectful to his parents.
So please. Picture him as a cute but faceless person with a bow-tie wrapped around him stuck in a delivery van. Visualize him in a cute gift basket on top of a moving band conveyor, ready to be sorted and shipped. Imagine him in wrapping paper, being carried towards the right transport vehicle for transport. He’s coming. Really. Let it go. That way we can get to the good part.
What do you want, relationship & partnerly speaking? Do you want someone for an easy summer fling? Do you want a partner for a long-term relationship? Do you want someone who is laidback or someone who is ambitious? Do you want someone who is independent or who shows he needs you? Do you want a rational or a spiritual person? Figure out what you want from both your relationship and the qualities you’d like your partner to have.
Side note: Even though you’d like your prospective partner is nice on the eyes, I’d refrain from filling out a detailed description of how they look for two reasons. One, he may have kick ass cheek bones but those cheek bones won’t make you breakfast in the morning. He might have abs, but those abs are nothing to enjoy if the poor darling has commitment issues. Second, chances are if the person has everything you could ever hope for in a partner, you’re going to be smitten however he looks. Seriously.
There are more important things. And beauty comes in so many forms, why don’t just trust the Universe on that one? If you want him to be cute, he will be cute. Plus, if he’s beautiful on the inside, he’s going to be beautiful to you on the outside too. Inner beauty seeps through, whether you believe me (now) or not.
Is there room for this new love affair? No, seriously. Do you cram your schedule full where you can barely breathe? Do you throw yourself into work or friends or working out to distract yourself? Do you try not to think about your love life because you are unhappy with it?
However you want to do this is up to you, but there has to be a corner of your life, room, heart and mind free for your prospective partner. I wrote about it here as well, but a little reminder: when you believe it’s coming, you gotta act the part a little.
This can be as small or as big as you want. I’ve read about a girl who kept her Friday nights as dates with herself so that they could turn into Friday Night Date Nights with her boyfriend. I’ve read about a women who cleared out space in her garage (for his car), in her closet (for his clothes) and who started sleeping on one side of the bed (for him to sleep on the other side).
I personally did less dramatic things: I wasn’t actively looking, but when I was single I would write love letters to my future boyfriend in a notebook. And when I was trying on clothes I would imagine if the future boyfriend would like what I had on. If I saw cool things to do, I made a mental note of “I’d like to do that with a future boyfriend”. Without really caring, that was my way of ‘inviting’, if you will.
Figure out in what way you can create room for him, however tiny a change.
This is kind of point #1, but it’s a big fucking deal so I’m going to say it again. Have a little faith, trust your loving&healthy&functional relationship is on its way and go do something else. No reason to sit still until that moment finally arrives, right?
In the mean time, take care of your health, your friendships, your family, your career, your self development. Learn to cook**, join a debate team, go to a shitload of movies, whatever. Have fun and enjoy everything your life already has. There’s a lot more to do in life than wait for a partner to enrich your life. If you enrich your own life right now, imagine how cool you’re going to be (even cooler than you already are, I can’t even?!) How impressive that will be to Prince Charming! How many cool things you can have to talk about!
So there you have it. Trust that it’s coming: I know it’s difficult, but I’m still asking you to try. Figure out exactly what you want and don’t want (without obsessing over his looks), make sure to be inviting him into your life with some sort of action and again…make sure to take excellent care of yourself and your life because you know what, you are important. With or without a partner.
Happy men hunting and have a fantastic weekend.
*If you’re a girl who likes girls or a boy who likes girls or a anything who likes anything, just replace the ‘he’ with whatever works for you from this point forward.
**Feeding the person you love: If you can do it well, they’re hooked. Trust me. No offense to feminism or anything, that’s just the way it is.