My Favorite Steve Pavlina Quotes:

 Life lessons, Steve Pavlina  8 Responses »
Feb 202013
 

I’ve told you before that my favorite self help book is Steve Pavlina’s Self Development For Smart People. For those of you who are interested have no clue what I am talking about right now, this is my old book-review of Self Development For Smart People and I talked about it again here.

What is special about this self help book is what it does to me. A lot of self help books are very excitatory in their  way of writing: The writer tries to really motivate you and you basically feel the chest-pounding and grunting happening inside you as you read. I like those books, and they get me excited and motivated, and that’s good.

However, motivation wanes. As you may have experienced yourself, reading a self help book gives you motivation for a little while, but often once you’ve finished the book the peak goes to regular level, or even a drop.

But this book by Steve Pavlina has a very calm way of writing. It’s not chest-poundy at all, instead it’s very relaxed…but radically truthful and enlightening. The energy behind the writing is very clear and whenever I read it, I don’t start pounding my own chest – instead I start thinking and figuring things out. It’s nice.

I started rereading it again this week (I reread most of my favorite books a few times a year) and already I feel better and more consciously aware. Thanks to these quotes, mostly. Now, these are quotes JUST from the three first chapters — the book has way more gems and reading everything else puts them in a great context, but I couldn’t resist putting them up.

  • You can’t solve problems if you don’t admit they exist. The first step on your path of personal growth must be to recognize that your life as it stands right now isn’t how you want it to be.
  • By embracing new experiences that are unlike anything you’ve previously encountered, you’ll literally become more intelligent.
  • Establish basic routines only to provide a stable foundation for branching out into unexplored territory.
  • One part of us wants to be healthy, happy, and highly conscious. another part wants nothing more than to eat, sleep, have sex and be lazy. Without the presence of consciousness, we fall into reflexive patterns by default, living more like unconscious animals than fully sentient beings.
  • Journaling is one of the easiest and most powerful ways to discover new truths. By getting your thoughts out of your head and putting them down in writing, you’ll gain insights you’d otherwise miss.
  • The decision to connect is the essence of love.
  • Don’t wait for loving connections to fall into your lap. Go out and consciously create them.
  • In truth, you can love absolutely anything. Love is not an accident. Love is a choice to recognize the deep nonphysical connection we all share.
  • No one is coming to rescue you. No one will hand you the career of your dreams, and no one will solve your relationship problems. No one will lose the extra fat on on your body. If you don’t proactively solve your own problems, they will never be solved.
  • Self determination means that you’re completely free to decide what you want. You don’t need anyone’s permission or approval. Your choices are yours.
  • Self discipline is the willingness to do what it takes to achieve the results you want regardless f your mood. When you’re feeling unmotivated, apathetic, bored, or lazy, self-discipline provides your second wind and keeps you moving. It’s your fail-safe, your motivational back-up system.
  • Disciplining yourself to do what needs to be done, even when you don’t feel like it, isn’t easy. Building your self-disciplin is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. It’s so difficult that some people will do almost anything to avoid it — procrastinate endlessly, do drugs, even commit suicide. But despite the difficulty, self-discipline remains one of the most significant aspects of personal development. Without it, your life is doomed to remain a pale shadow of your potential. Imagine all the wonderful accomplishments that will be within your grasp once you become disciplined enough to consistently follow through on your best intention.

Especially the last four basically buzz with truth for me – I love them. Good reminders for me, and maybe for you too. Hope you guys have a lovely Wednesday. I’m pretty sure I saw ACTUAL sunlight just now, so that’s exciting. Kisses.

2013R: When you CAN, not when you HAVE TO.

 Important Stuff, Life lessons, Making Things Easier  15 Responses »
Jan 092013
 

The last-minute mentality. Doing everything at the latest opportunity.

A group of highly trained or exceptional (possibly superhuman) individuals aside, I think the majority of people think this way to some extent. You might experience it in one area, not in another, but good examples would be only starting to study the day before an exam, exercising only at the end of the day, or making work dead lines only right before hand, fueled by espressos and adrenalin.

I for one tend to be sloppy with e-mail sending and practical matters, especially if it has piled up. Plus, sometimes I get really resilient and writers blocky about writing, and only crack out an article two minutes before I want it to go on-line. What can I say? I’m a complicated creature like everyone else.

I was having a conversation about this with a student of mine about the paper she was working on, and the whole last minute thing. Without really thinking about it, I just mused”

“Wouldn’t it be great if we changed our attitude from ‘doing it the moment that we have to’ to ‘the moment that we can’?”

The student agreed, because let’s be serious that was one totally brilliant unintentional statement and also best not to piss off the person giving you the grade, now is it. After our conversation, what I said stuck with me, and I entertained the idea for a little.

What if we just started to do things at our earliest opportunities? Like the moment you walk out of your class and you have a few hours to kill until your date or social activity, you just do a few hours of studying? Or when you come home, you want to work out and have the whole night ahead of you; why not put on that running gear right away and do a 5k? Or when you know you have a deadline in a couple of weeks and you have a few free hours, why not spend one of them working?

We should change our attitudes to ‘when we can’ instead of ‘when we have to’. What a nice perspective shift this would be, wouldn’t it? I mean, 90% of cases in which we say we don’t have the time, it’s because we have been wasting the time we had before that. It would give us so much more time to relax, we would feel accomplished and calm, and I seriously believe the quote “I don’t have the time” would not be used as much anymore.

I’m going to experiment with this attitude in 2013. You too?

2013 Revolutions: Forget One Size Fits All.

 Important Stuff, Life lessons  9 Responses »
Jan 082013
 

*Alternate title was ‘Fuck One Size Fits All’ but I decided two curse word ridden titles in a row was a little much, even for me. Hence, the PG-version. 

We read books about people who have done amazing things, who have turned their life around and we just go “YES. That is EXACTLY how I am going to do it too.” Or we see blogs of people who got it going on, who have the things we want or who do the things we like to do and we go “RIGHT. I’ll just do what she does and surely it will work out for me too.”

Well, that’s not really the way to do it. Actually, it’s not the way to do it at all. By all means, use the lives of others in print or in imagery to inspire you, but it’s more effective, beneficial and fun (!) to create your own.

Before issues of identity theft and copyright infringement start arising, let’s cut to the chase.

Because sorry babycakes, but if you really want to succeed to the extent you see or read other people have done before, you need to do something a lot of people forget to do: Get back to you. Who you are. Your identity, your strong points, weak points, style, preferences, character and habits. Every fucking bit of your cheesy snowflake-uniqueness.

You can’t blindly apply what anyone else is doing to your life. It might work for them, it might work for a lot of people, but honey: Nothing, except breathing, works for everyone (and I’m sure that if you tried you could also bring breathing up for discussion). Not everyone will fare best by going on the Eat, Pray, Love tour, channeling the 4-hour work week into their teaching gig, making pictures exactly like the favorite fashion blogger of the month or by eating the exact diet described in a diet book.

Nothing is one size fits all, except cute beanies and shitty leggings. You can quote me on that.

If you really want something to work: If you really want to get fit, get healthy, get succesful, get awesome, you will need to custom design your life. Tailored to your every specific preference and need. For example, by starting to take into account you’re either a morning or night person. The healthy foods you really love and the ones you hate. How running makes you want to kill yourself but how dancing makes you both happy and healthy. That you read slow but you learn fast when you listen.

Take who you are and how you operate most effectively, in whatever area, as your key starting points.

The best example I know of this is Sabine from Some-Like-It-Raw. I know her and when I read her recap of 2012, I just went like “Yes. That is your life, completely custom designed. That’s how it should be done. Good for you, VG (Vegan Goddess). Good for you.” Another good example is BodieBoost Babe Charlotte, who tried every diet available and when that didn’t work, just figured out her own that did work. My friend Fleur didn’t want a dime-a-dozen article-website, she wanted high quality reading about interesting original topics and created Na De Lunch. My best friend Lin who took up running because she found it was the most beneficial to her life, and who knows exactly how to motivate herself because she figured it out about herself as she went along.

What these ladies all have in common is authenticity, and both the brains and the balls to go “I’m going to do it in a way that works for me.” Wheter it’s life, diet, creating or exercise, that’s what they ALL did. And I want you to do it too. Figure out your very own, specially customized, brilliantly individually engineered plan. For life, exercise, love, health, spirituality, EVERYTHING.

For fun, just for a second, take a breath. Pretend you know nothing about how other people do it, what other think is the best way to do it and how you have tried to do it. Let all of that go, and in that space you just go “I want to get fit/ How could I do that in a way that makes sense to me?” or “I want to relax more. What feels like the right way for me to do that?”

It’s basically not so much “How have other people done it” anymore, but instead you levitate towards “How can I make it happen for myself? How would I create this for me? What feels like the right way for me to achieve this goal or become this way?”

Instead of looking at others for The Answers, we need to start going for our own thing. Develop our own styles, discover our own inner wisdom. Build our own empires, make our own plans. Custom design your life, based on who you are what you love.

2013 Revolutions: Actually Fucking Do It.

 Important Stuff, Life lessons  14 Responses »
Jan 072013
 

 source

“There’s two kinds of people in this world when you boil it all down. You got your talkers and you got your doers. Most people are just talkers, all they do is talk. But when it is all said and done, it’s the doers that change this world. And when they do that, they change us, and that’s why we never forget them. So which one are you? Do you just talk about it, or do you stand up and do something about it? Because believe you me, all the rest of it is just coffee house and bullshit.”  - Rocco, The Boondock Saints. 

When I was young(er, because still totally in the prime of my life here) I read all the self help books I got my hands on. I always loved them; I liked to read, I love to learn, especially if it involves copious amounts of excellent living, and so I downed self help books like hipsters down Starbucks coffee. But no substantial change ever took place from all the reading. Just reading never did the trick.

The funny thing is that when it comes to fitness, everyone understands reading a book with exercises doesn’t make you fit. That reading a diet book in itself drop the pounds. That knowing how to make a green smoothie is not going to make your skin glow.

It’s the same with self help, maybe even more so:  You can know you should stop hanging around the Internet, but unless you do it you won’t know just how much time really is in a day. You can know you should make to-do lists and plan, but unless you use it, your life will still be a chaotic at-the-last-minute mess, no matter how many benefits you can name of to-do lists. I can tell you every reason why yoga is amazing for you, but if I am not doing it I am not actually gaining anything now, am I. No matter how many benefits you know are in a sugarless diet or raw food, if you don’t eat it you won’t feel it. See what I mean?

Knowing the path is different than walking it (Morpheus – The Matrix). I want you to know the path, and actually take the steps on it.

I want you to actually do the things you know are good for you. Start taking all the little figments of self help knowledge you have and implement hem, piece by piece, a few every day, a week, or a month. So you can truly experience what you can do for yourself. So you actually truly help yourself.

Do it, dear little darling. Don’t look at different yoga schools online: Go to a yoga class today. Don’t read about the benefits of raw food: Eat a salad instead of that sandwich with mayo. Don’t read a book on productivity: Work uninterrupted for an hour. Don’t just read my articles on positivity and manifesting: Spend 10 minutes making a gratitude or a universal wish list. Listen to music instead of mindlessly watching a television show while doing your homework (improves concentration). Make a to-do list and hop straight into the Top Priority Item until it’s done.

Be fucking excellent today. True personal excellence is in taking action upon the things you know are right.

2013 Revolutions: First, Accept Where You Are.

 Important Stuff, Life lessons  5 Responses »
Jan 022013
 

Self development and improvement requires being brutally honest with yourself. You gotta be able to own up to your own shit and your own showstoppers. If you stubbornly refuse to acknowledge you’re at point A, you can’t move to point B.

Got temper tantrums and rage issues? Don’t tell yourself you’re a docile little flower. Bad eating patterns? That’s fine, but stop pretending you’re usually pretty healthy while you’re heating up your fourth microwave meal this week. Lazy? Put away the pedometer and stop feeling awesome for setting 5000 steps a day: That’s not exercise, that’s delusion.

I have to admit I’m disorganized, messy and chaotic before I can improve it. I can’t straight-faced pretend I’m orderly and I serve nobody by telling them I’m neat. Next thing you know I end up housesitting for someone and making the biggest mess since Sebastian the Crab got loose in the castle’s kitchen.

So get real. Only if you fully accept your starting point, you can move from it: Forward. What works best here is trying to let go of that negativity you feel towards being where you are right now.

Wish you had more self-esteem? Say: “I’m kind of insecure right now…and that’s okay.” Wish you were thinner? Say: “I weigh more right now than I want to weigh…and that’s okay.” Wish you had a better job? Say “I’m not in my ideal work environment yet…and that’s okay.”

This way you not only acknowledge your starting point, you also give yourself freedom to let go and forgiveness to release negativity towards yourself. This allows you to move forward at a much higher speed than if you keep holding yourself back with the negative connotations of where you are now.

Because let me tell you something: You’re already absolutely awesome. There is no need for bad self-esteem to drag you down and hold you back. You want to change because you deserve to be your most wonderful self, not because you’re not good enough.

Accepting your starting point and the person you are now is a key to growth, change and development. You’re exactly as you are, where you are; and from hereonout you can only become more amazing and do more amazing things. And that is what you should keep in mind when you’re working on your New Year Resolutions: Where you are, with lots of self acceptance and love to go to where you want to be.

How To Stay Sane On The Internet

 Life lessons, Making Things Easier  15 Responses »
Nov 292012
 

 (Me 80% of the time) 

The Internet and I have been in a loving relationship for about half my life. It’s time consuming and at times dysfunctional but I lovez the Internetz. My blog, other people’s blogs, being in contact with amazing people and having both helpful information and hilarious memes only a click away. Brilliant.

But the Internet has a downside. A big, whopping, definite downside. With all the great things, it’s also a place where things can get real ugly real quick. There are a lot of ratchet and sour individuals on the loose trying to make their problems go away by bringing them to you, and from one fucked up individual a lot of shit can find its way to a lot of different computer screens. Not fun.

You can enjoy the Internet and find a way to do enjoy and benefit from the good stuff, and don’t let the bad stuff drive you crazy. This is how I personally do that and how you can do it too.

  • Newsflash to everyone: You can choose what urls you type into your browser. You don’t have to go look at that fashion blogger whose outfits make you vomit. You don’t have to read that terribly written blog. My general rule of thumb is that if I get too worked up over something on-line*, I am not going there. Because I don’t have to. I make a choice to click and read. I can also choose not to. Be selective, for your own sake. Your mood and head will thank you.
  • If you have to work behind your computer a lot, the risk is that at one point you get what I like to call ‘sucked in’. You’re not really in the room anymore, or in the office, you are really on the Internet. Your surroundings just fade away and the computer and what’s on the screen is pretty much the only thing you see. You don’t get up, even though you’re hungry or have to pee. That is not healthy. Snap yourself out of it by putting your feet firmly on the ground, getting up every hour or so to get a drink, do something physical or do anything else to remind you you are in the real world. This will also keep ‘Internet Things’ into perspective.
  • Because I know it can feel like a big deal when someone you don’t know calls you a name on the Internet but it’s really not. Why the hell would you care that some random found it necessary to say something mean to you? Someone from Israel told me I looked like Skrillex on Twitter. I laughed. And then I dropped the bass.
  • The Internet is a big fuckfest of different opinions. I have always had the following philosophy when it comes to opinions: We are all entitled to them, sure. What we need to understand that our opinion is actually NOT the most important thing in the world to another person (SHOCKER). In fact, most people don’t need to hear your opinion in order to survive. I think it shows grace not to be a dick about your opinion. Not everyone is blessed with that.
  • And people only change their minds about something when they decide to do that. I can either bend over backwards and bust a gut trying or let them figure it out on their own. If people want to follow suit, then great. If not, fine too. Lead by example, not by explanation.
  • In that regard, once people have made their mind up about you, your every move will be interpreted to confirm that description. And if people want to hang you out to dry, they will grab you by your ankles and turn you upside down no matter what you do! It won’t matter what you say about it. So save your energy and your time.
  • Make yourself no illusions: If you are on the Internet doing whatever, there are probably people disagreeing and even disliking you this very minute. Try not to spend too much time on that. Adopt a live and let live approach. (Unless people come in your face about it, which may happen from time to time)
  • When something happens on-line it can seem like a really big deal. That’s when it’s time to regain perspective by turning off the computer and go back into the real world. I love Internet and their people, but I love real people more. And real life yoga, writing, walking, running and shopping puts everything back into perspective.
  • On the perspective note, don’t let things get to your head either. I’m very happy that someone calls me pretty on the Internet or that someone dedicates a blog post to my website but it doesn’t release me from Nice Person Duties and Being Humble.
  • The idea that you can’t convey tone through the Internet: Total bullshit. I can tell if you’re here for constructive criticism or hoping to hurt my feelings and get under my skin. I am willing to talk to you in the first scenario. In case you want to make me feel bad to make yourself feel better, good for you. I hope it helped.

You can’t control everyone and everything on the Internet. You can control how YOU are on-line and how you respond to things. What you spend your time on on-line, how you treat shitty websites and weird commenters and how big you let everything get. Now everyone shut up and just enjoy the Internet.

*My top three peeves are 1. bad writing 2. bad people 3. not being able to see what someone’s writing because it is so rigged with their personal issues I feel like a bomb is about to go off. I know Internet is a great place for the emotionally disturbed to work out their issues but I am not buying a front row ticket to that. 

Somewhat Succeeding At Many Things.

 Life lessons, Making Things Easier  4 Responses »
Nov 192012
 

How we define success is totally different per person. We all have our personal standards and that’s great, but it can also screw things up. If you can only define success as Lady Gaga-esque fame and a billion-dollar endeavor, you’re setting yourself up for failure with a ridiculously high bar. Plus, I really don’t think we need more Lady Gagas; the one we already have confuses me enough as it is.

If you do something that you are good at (and continuously get better at), something that gives you fulfillment and that you continue to love no matter what, you are already successful in my book. You may not be famous, but some people will be helped by the good job you’re doing. You may not be a millionaire, but you can sustain your livelihood or receive a cute perk here and there. That should count as success! Appreciate!

To me personally, success is progress. As long as you can keep moving forward with something, you’re succesful. Be it in your career, your health and weight, your fitness goals, your writing, whatever. If you can continue to get better at something (and/or suffer through the plateaus you will undoubtedly hit), you’re succeeding. Good for you.

But since I’m a big fan of long-windedness, here’s my further take on success and getting there.

1. Know your motives.

I have nothing against ambition, I applaud and love it. I think it’s ridiculous that people have to downplay it for others because it’s frowned upon to be driven. Sweeties, if you want to work hard and get paid the big bucks: By all means go for it. I salute you.

But ambition should never be blind or empty. You should have a good reason for wanting to succeed, and the best reason is loving the absolute fuck out of what you’re doing.

I can bet you right now that if you want to succeed at something that is actually a hobby, passion or interest of yours, it will be easier. You will do a better job. It will also be more natural, more sincere and more fun for you (and everyone else) along the way. Because you would be doing it probably for fun anyway too! Would you do what you are doing too, without the added desire for a certain level of success? Then you’re onto something.

Why do you want to succeed? Is it because you love the craft or is it because you love the idea of it? Is it because you are unhappy? Are you looking for an escape out of your current life? What’s going on there? Someone I met recently made the remark that a lot of people are convinced that success will make them feel complete and loved (pro tip: it doesn’t). Get to the core of your ambition. Find what it’s about. It pays to know these things about yourself.

2. Stick to it. 

For six years, I blogged for about fiftysomething readers. On a good day. I don’t make myself any illusions in terms of world-fame or whatever, but in that aspect my blog is doing a lot better now. I have more readers — HI! I love you!

If I had given up, I would have been missing out on a lot of practice (skills can only get better if you work at them) and theselfhelphipster.com would probably have never come to life, combining my two drugs of choice: writing and self help, making me a happier writer than I have ever been.

If you are going to give up every time the world doesn’t explode in applause over your accomplishments, nothing is ever going to happen. Now might also be a good time to mention the world doesn’t exist to validate you. That job is entirely up to yourself and maybe some loved ones who want to be supportive.

You need to keep at it. To get better, to train yourself, to actually become good at something, and very important: to teach yourself discipline, and to keep going despite external circumstances. Nobody ever got anywhere by quitting.

3. Appreciate every facet.

So, Jimmy Kimmel hasn’t invited you to his talkshow (yet). But how cool you got interviewed by a local journalist or student the other day! So, you haven’t sold a million copies of your first EP. But how about the people who did buy it and enjoy listening to it, right? So, you don’t have your own jewelry line up there with Swarovski yet? But you do have some regular customers and that’s more than most can say!

I count the little successes. How much positive feedback I received on Girl Meets Yoga, my first little e-book. How I could help the girls who enrolled in self help summer/september school. That I got fucking featured on Miss Lipgloss, thank you very much. The questions and compliments I get from readers. It’s stuff that makes me go “cool, I’m going in the right direction.”

Don’t discount the little successes just because the big breakthrough hasn’t happened yet. And usually, the big breakthrough is the result of a billion little successes added up. That’s what it takes and that’s what makes you good enough to succeed.

4. Don’t become a dick.

Anyone who makes a big show out of how big of a deal they are comes off as a little douchey. Trust me, because I accidentally did it myself (with my 600 followers, lolz) and if I have been rolling my eyes at myself ever since. I see it as a good reminder to stay humble, though. I’m not a big deal. I’m a little deal. Maybe.

Be humble and grateful. Appreciate the readers, listeners, fans and customers. Even if it’s only a handful. Be thankful for where you have gotten. Even if it’s only a few steps further than where you used to be. If you can use your power (always for good, not for evil), absolutely go for it. I think it’s no more than fair to always be a class act about it.

It’s great to expect success, miracles, wonders and fortune. I encourage you to do so. But I also want you to give it time, sweat, maybe even a few tears if necessary and a big chunk of patience and reality. Combine all that, and you have got yourself the true blend of success.

Self Help Hipster’s Advice To (Young) Girls.

 Life lessons, Self Help Hipster's Advice  9 Responses »
Oct 282012
 

A little while back, I was thinking about all these sweet, impressionable girls currently residing on the Wonderful World Wide Web. I thought about my younger cousins, I thought about the daughters I might have one day and what I would want them to know. Finally, I also thought about myself: Some things I wish I had known sooner. This is that advice.

1. What someone says about you says more about them than it does about you.

Take it from someone who has bad-mouthed and who has been bad-mouthed. Talking about someone else relieves you from taking a look at yourself. It’s a good distraction from your own shit and often a technique to make people feel better about themselves. It’s stupid, but it works.

Make no mistake, though: This goes both ways. Next time you want to say something mean about someone, figure out why you want to say it. This might make things interesting and make you grow.

2. Whatever goes wrong, it’s never the end of the world.

That fight with your friend, that dispute with the teacher, that embarassing rumor, the break-up, the bad grade or the pound you gained over your vacation? Not the end. You’ll live. Things will get better. Things will change. Always.

3. You are always allowed to say ‘no’ at ANY POINT DURING INTIMACY.

No matter how much you like him, how much you have flirted with him, and how you did kiss him back at first and how you responded to his initial advances: It is NOT okay when he takes it further than you are willing to go. The moment you decide this is it, he has to respect that and cease all fire. Just because you enjoyed flirting and making out, you are not obligated to do anything, okay?

Cut it short the moment you become uncomfortable. Your body. You decide. If he doesn’t respect that, you’re dealing with someone who either is crazy with hormones (it happens) or a jackass. Probably the latter, so just to be safe: Move away.

4. Be careful with your brain.

You’re currently in a period where all sort of crazy and very important developments are going on in your brain in terms of neurons and neural pathways. It would be such a shame if you fuck that whole process up by doing things you’ll regret.

DON’T fuck it up by drinking until you’re Lindsay Lohan-wasted every weekend. DON’T destroy more than can be repaired by binge drinking or doing drugs. You only get one brain and the more useable it is, the better throughout the rest of your life.

5. Sometimes relationships end. That’s okay.

The guy who is your dream prince and prom king right now might not be the guy you end up buying a stationwagon and a labrador with. The girl you’re friends with in kinder garten might not be your maid of honor.

I don’t mean to sound like you’re jaded, bitter aunt, but if there is one thing I have seen that sometimes things change in a relationship as people grow or get older. If it’s no longer a functional relationship that makes you really happy and your ideas of the future are too different, it’s okay to let someone go (with love and respect, preferably).

6. Dress to your body and coloring too, not just style and trends.

I much rather see a cute girl in clothes that suit her body type and her coloring than someone in jeans that are too tight and wearing a blouse that makes her look sickly and dull.

Some colors work for your skin tone, hair and eyes: they make everything pop. If you dress accordingly, both you and the clothes come together in a gorgeous, unique ensemble. You will thank me later when you look in the mirror and your look more beautiful and put together than ever.

7. Keep reading.

The biggest mistake I ever made was replacing my habit of reading 3+ books a week by Mindless and Endless Internet Intake. Grab a book and turn off the Wi-Fi every once in a while. it will help you keep your focus when you need to study and stuff. Which you will have to do. Stay in school girls.

8. Relationships are not (just) as portrayed on Disney and Tumblr.

I worry about a whole generation of young girls who have grown up with all these idealistic pictures on the Internet and television shows about how a relationship should be. Like you’re always going to be Cinderella and the Prince, Marissa and Ryan or Blair and Chuck or Rory and Amy*.

Sweetie, when you’re in a relationship with a cute boy who has great qualities and let’s not forget, whose lesser qualities are tolerable and non-threatening to both you and him, but there still are days that aren’t Romantic Movie Montage Material: Don’t be alarmed. This is normal. It’s called Real Life.

Sometimes your romantic life is just waking up together, having a normal day and then going to bed together at night. As long as you can do that together without being unhappy, you’re fine.

9. Learn to compliment instead of complain.

I’m not the Complain Police, okay? I think if you can do it every once in a while, with a little joke, nothing wrong with a comedic remark about something that sucks. Sometimes it makes you feel better. But being around someone who complains all the time? Not fun. Energy draining. Quite frankly, a little repulsive in the literal sense of the world: It will drive people away from you. Instead, be happy with the great grilled cheese. Compliment your best friend’s hair or shoes. Make a genuine remark about the good of that day. It’s attractive.

10.  Accept that you’re responsible for the things you do.

If there is one thing that makes you sound weak it’s blaming other people or things for your own behavior. You don’t get a bad grade because your teacher sucks. Even if your teacher sucks, you still could have studied to make up for the damages, right? You got a bad grade because you didn’t study. So you started a fight and pulled out a girl’s hair because she gave you a mean look? Um, that’s still horrible of you, not her. Calm the fuck down, Thug Barbie.

Your actions are your choices, no matter who or what provoked you. Choose wisely, because whatever you do always ends up on your own record, not that of another person.

*Bonus points if you got that reference. 

When The Active Lifestyle Stresses You Out:

 99 (World) Problems, Life lessons  3 Responses »
Oct 232012
 

I wasn’t surprised when the comments and e-mails started rolling in after my Active vs Passive Lifestyle post. “But…” “What if you take it too far?” “Won’t I be straining myself?” Understandable questions. If you take on an active and busy approach to life, aren’t you going to arrive at a moment where you just want to drop everything and crawl under your blanket?

Well…hopefully, not. Hopefully, you will be able to take your rest long before that breaking point, my dear reader. This is one of those things where you can only find the perfect middle ground through experience, topped with a little trial and error here and there. You won’t know until you try.

But I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Because in my active lifestyle, the activity includes taking the time I need to relax and recharge. Yoga classes, lots of sleep, making healthy foods, quiet alone time or an energizing cup of tea with a friend. My active lifestyle contains more active, mindful opportunities to unwind and unstress than my passive lifestyle.

When I’m being so passive, I postpone everything to the last minute, shit piles up and before I know it I have to do 3210 things in one day. And THAT is what really makes me exhausted and burnt out, with NO time to take care of myself! Hence, the passive way stresses me out way more than the active one.

I have more energy around the clock by taking the active approach. Also, and this is going to sound crazy (but hey, you’re not new here, you know the drill) I made a deal with The Universe about this. No joke. If I notice I’m getting overwhelmed, I just tug an imaginary cord and before I know it, something happens to make me feel relaxed. A friend cancels on me so I can have an early night in with some well-deserved sleep. A deadline turns out more lenient than I thought it would be. My boyfriend has cleaned the house and/or has done groceries. I figure out a trick to do my job more efficiently and faster. Something always reveals itself to make it easier.

Now this is just me, but you’re welcome to try it. I have just made the deal with The Universe like “Yo guys, this is a little too much: Can you make something work, alright? I trust the best will happen for all parties involved. Thanks.” Sounds nuts, but whatevs, it works. Just strike a little deal. The Universe is flexible.

You gotta know your own boundaries too, though. If you tire easily, obviously you need to built in a lenient rest-margin. If you can’t have too many obligations in one day, you need to cut that shit short and only have one or two big different tasks a day. However, I can guarantee you that if you use your active time optimally, you will use that rest with a much more satisfied sense of well-being!

And most importantly, when is it too much? I personally think that’s actually a very simple answer. “The moment it doesn’t make you happy anymore, and I mean when it actually makes you feel deeply stressed, miserable and unhappy, that‘s the moment it’s too much.” That’s when you need to cancel some appointments, set aside your work and friends and take good proper care of yourself.

Everything before that? As long as you do it smiling, functioning, and with only the occasional big sigh or grumpy comment that you mean for the duration of a less-glamorous aspect of your job, means you’re doing the right thing and can handle everything just fine.

And let’s be serious: You don’t really need me to tell you when it is too much. You are fully capable of deciding when you’re a gazillion percent done with something. I’m sure of it.

How To Put Extra- In The Ordinary Days.

 General Self Help, Inspiration, Life lessons, Making Things Easier  7 Responses »
Oct 222012
 

“When you realise most of your life will be consumed by normal days rather the extraordinary ones, you feel motivated to raise the overall quality of these normal days” – Steve Pavlina. 

Maybe it’s just my life that’s very normal, but my regular days are: regular.  I work, I work-out, I go do groceries, I have dinner and I go to bed. Hopefully I saw someone I like in between. No amazing accomplishments every day, I don’t go to magical places every day (unless my kitchen counts, which in my opinion it does) nor do I have a special event or something every day.

I love my regular days, though. I love being at work, in my house, eating dinner with Manfred in front of Australian Master Chef (LOVE IT) and going to sleep in our damned-mosquite ridden bedroom. And I believe you can make the regular days exactly the reason why your life is so beautiful and special. And here’s how you do it.

  • Try to do something new or different somewhere during the day

A small but big way to make every day unique is by adding an original experience or by giving a routine a different twist or flavor. It can be a big one, like doing something (scary) for the first time, trying an interesting sports-class or dance lesson, but it’s also perfectly fine to keep it small: Try a new recipe, take a different route home, sit with someone else at lunch, buy flowers on your way home, go for a walk somewhere.

You can also change it up by doing something extra or different to your routines. Shower at night instead of in the morning. Put on different music while cooking or studying. Read a book your boyfriend likes and you have yet to understand why. Add a series of jumping jacks or push ups to your exercise routine, or maybe a Beyonce Dancebreak.

Basically add or change something in your usual stuff to make your day more memorable. A great way to shake things up and sometimes you find stuff you really like!
  • Indulge a little (or a lot)
I am a big believer in spoiling one’s self – not in a crazy dysfunctional bankrupt type of way, but in a cute healthy self loving type of way. By treating yourself on regular days too, in whatever tiny way, you make your day more special. You continuously add to your self love evidence, resulting in more self love and self-esteem which leads to a happier, more radiant you. Bonus points there, right?

So treat yourself! A facial mask, a dessert, a yoga class, some organic vegetables, a coffee or tea to go, a 30-minute power nap, a glass of wine. An early night in or a late night out. A cute cupcake or a wheatgrass shot. Some alone time or some cuddling. Include a hey-I-love-you-gesture to yourself in every day.
  • Spend time with your favorite people
P.I.A.B. People = Puppy In A Blanket People. People who make me feel like I’m a little puppy in a blanket: all warm, protected and cute and cuddly. It’s good to be around your loved ones. I find few things more amazing and gratifying than being around my oldest friends, my new friends and my wonderful family.

So visit your best friend, your mom, your favorite co-worker, an old buddy from the gym or invite your cousins over for dinner. Take a walk with your significant other. However ordinary the day might have been, by hanging out with them you make memories that you can always keep and that adds something wonderful to your normal life, doesn’t it?
  • Spend time with yourself
I know a lot of people recognize this: I need at least some form of genuine alone-time in order to function properly. If not, I become…unpleasant. To say the least.

But it’s not just for functioning, it’s also for optimal functioning: By spending time with yourself you become more at ease with being on your own, which is good, and get to know the important stuff about you! Alone time is often when you truly figure out your real goals, your desires, what you want to do, how you really feel and that will help you guide yourself into the direction you want to go in!

Also, the time you spend with yourself you can devote to truly take care of yourself. See Self-Love. Figure out what amount of me-time is adequate and what you should add to make your days a significant amount more amazing. And then add that.
  • Work on something extraordinary every day

Whether it’s the baby room, your novel, your dissertation, your drawings, your paintings, your website, your meditation practice, your starting business, your music, your wardrobe, whatever: Devote some time to that thing in your life you love more than anything else.

Work on that thing that you regard as extraordinary and most important, work on that something you would like to finish before you leave this earth. As little as five to ten minutes, whatever you have to spare: This way your normal days are infused with value and importance.

Normal days are nothing to sneeze at. Everything might be regular and ordinary, but you’ll be bringing that little ‘Extra-’ that will make everything special. Have a wonderful Monday, everyone.

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