50 Shades Of Shitfaced: A Drinking Game.

Okay, so I know I said I wasn’t going to read it, but what can I say? I was bored and the whole tale behind it is fucking hilarious and fascinating. A housewife who clearly needs to get herself some more excitement in real life writes a “BDSM” Twilight fanfiction story and it is turned into a novel. Three actually. This is what the world has come to.

So I’m reading it and I’m sorry, it really is poorly written. It’s entertaining of sorts, but the quality is abysmal. And if you can call this BDSM I’m pretty sure I’m my boyfriend’s Sub too, you know, because he accidentally kicked me out of bed once. I mean, I had a bruise and everything.

Anyway, it did inspire me to create a drinking game. One of these days I’m going to invite a couple of friends, grab a bottle of hard liquor and play the 50 Shades of Drinking-Game, where we take turns reading two pages while the others have to take a shot when the following is read out loud:

  • Anastasia Steele turns scarlet.
  • Anasastia falls over.
  • When it’s described how incredibly horny Anastasia gets just by seeing Christian eating a pea or something.
  • Christian Grey narrows his eyes.
  • When Christian is described exactly like Edward Cullen in Twilight.
  • Anastasia bites her lower lip.
  • When Christian then oh-so-cleverly-and-sexily remarks he wants to bite her lip.
  • Whenever Christian’s “intoxicactingly good smell” comes up.
  • Whenever Christian’s obvious traumatic childhood and dark, twisted memories are hinted at.
  • When the writer called Anastasia’s vagina “her sex” instead of ANY OTHER WORD POSSIBLE IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.
  • When Anastasia either begs, whimpers or pleads.
  • When there are more than 2 unnecessary adjectives or superlatives added to describe something.

I think it’s safe to say we’re all going to have to get our stomachs pumped.

Written by SHH