Jul 052012
 

Okay, so I know I said I wasn’t going to read it, but what can I say? I was bored and the whole tale behind it is fucking hilarious and fascinating. A housewife who clearly needs to get herself some more excitement in real life writes a “BDSM” Twilight fanfiction story and it is turned into a novel. Three actually. This is what the world has come to.

So I’m reading it and I’m sorry, it really is poorly written. It’s entertaining of sorts, but the quality is abysmal. And if you can call this BDSM I’m pretty sure I’m my boyfriend’s Sub too, you know, because he accidentally kicked me out of bed once. I mean, I had a bruise and everything.

Anyway, it did inspire me to create a drinking game. One of these days I’m going to invite a couple of friends, grab a bottle of hard liquor and play the 50 Shades of Drinking-Game, where we take turns reading two pages while the others have to take a shot when the following is read out loud:

  • Anastasia Steele turns scarlet.
  • Anasastia falls over.
  • When it’s described how incredibly horny Anastasia gets just by seeing Christian eating a pea or something.
  • Christian Grey narrows his eyes.
  • When Christian is described exactly like Edward Cullen in Twilight.
  • Anastasia bites her lower lip.
  • When Christian then oh-so-cleverly-and-sexily remarks he wants to bite her lip.
  • Whenever Christian’s “intoxicactingly good smell” comes up.
  • Whenever Christian’s obvious traumatic childhood and dark, twisted memories are hinted at.
  • When the writer called Anastasia’s vagina “her sex” instead of ANY OTHER WORD POSSIBLE IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.
  • When Anastasia either begs, whimpers or pleads.
  • When there are more than 2 unnecessary adjectives or superlatives added to describe something.

I think it’s safe to say we’re all going to have to get our stomachs pumped.

  28 Responses to “50 Shades Of Shitfaced: A Drinking Game.”

  1. Hahaha please I’m dying of laughter. This should happen.

  2. You could add “Holy cow!” but somebody would drink so much and end up in a coma.

  3. YES can I come? (pun intented lolz)

  4. I want to come too!! Sounds like the best way to get drunk really fast ;)

  5. “when Christian then oh-so-cleverly-and-sexily remarks he wants to bite her lip”

    uiteindelijk ben ik tot blz 19 gekomen en het boek weggesmeten (ja echt)

  6. I read this like the sad, sad, bint that I am. Thought it was shite – but entertained myself whilst reading by imagining my favourite actor as Christian. Have to say it didn’t work that well. Though on the subject of getting shitfaced, I wonder if the dialogue and story would improve if I got well and truly bladdered first before reading it?

  7. This is HILARIOUS!
    You’d probably be shitfaced within 10 minutes! I read it on my e-reader and whenever I stop and bookmark the spot where I’ve stopped, the first line is always a sex pun. Even in the parts where there isn’t any sex involved.
    Oh and ofcourse it’s not very well written. It started as a Twilight FanFic so I wouldn’t expect it to be any good. Even though the bookstores call it literature… :p

  8. :’D
    Ik ben gestopt op pagina 150.
    Mag ik ‘He/she murmurs’ toevoegen aan het lijstje?

  9. That drinking game almost sounds more dangerous than the Twilight drinking game (drink 50 shots when you start the DVD so you’ll die before the movie starts). I was curious about all the fuss with this book, but I’m now a quarter into it and still don’t understand why it is such a hit, was it featured on Oprah or something?

    And ofcourse, the movie rights have already been bought by some studio, so we can expect some movie adaption too (although that should hardly come as a surprise).

    • ^^That actually did come as a surprise to me, since it sounds like they’re not talking about a porn movie but rather a PG-13 movie or something. I honestly don’t see how. However, since there’s talk about Ian Somerhalder taking up the role of Christian Grey, I’ll probably check it out either way.

      And well, about the book. You know my opinion. I thought it was crap yet still had fun reading it, although I skipped over most of the sex scenes in book 2&3. No one said it was good, even the author says it’s not. No one said it was ‘intellectual’ (although some do call it ‘stimulating’) and obviously no one taught the woman a proper use of vocabulary, but I am a little surprised that so many people are crusading against this book.

      It did get women all over America thinking and talking about sex and what they want and has presumably awoken many housewives so I can only encourage that. The lady had a twilight obsession, wrote a book and got people laid all over the world – I honestly can’t object to that.

      (P.S. Still. I’m up for a drinking game.)

      • I understand where you’re coming from, as I said it’s sort of entertaining but I “crusade” (if that’s what I’m doing) against it because this book is so deeply undeserving of its fame and glory. When you look at every aspect of the book: plot line, obvious Mary Sue (look it up) complex, quality of writing, it should have tossed after the first chapter if not sooner.

        But this book has become such a big deal just because the writer claims it’s a BDSM story and it’s “provocative” and “unconventional”, which judging from book 1, it hardly really is.

        So I crusade (at least a little) because I think it’s a bad thing that there are so, so many many books out there that are never going to get this famous while they absolutely deserve it a hundred times more than a Twilight Smut Story with a few names changed.

        (However, Ian Somerhalder in anything I will go see so you do have a movie date for that one)

        • Did I hear the name of the most godlike person ever Ian Somerhalder? I don’t care how many lip-biting, murmurs or other stupid shit this movie will contain, I-Must-See-Now.

          • It’s still just a rumour unfortunately, but when asked if he was up for it, Ian said “uhm.. yes” as in “uhm how is that even a serious question of course I’m fucking up for it and you can take that literally”

  10. Een van de ‘hype boeken’ die ik NOOIT zal gaan lezen. Klinkt alsof ik niets mis!

  11. Seriously. I almost died laughing when reading this blogpost. And I haven’t read a single page of that book.

  12. Aah, herkenning! Kreeg het boek met alle wil van de wereld niet uitgelezen.

  13. Hilarisch, ik heb het boek ook nog niet gelezen, maar de 50 shades of shitfaced, die overweeg ik dan wel :)

    Yoga, super cool. Ik ben in januari gestart met ashtanga yoga, mijn doel is de schorpioen, waauw gewoon :D

  14. Exactly! It’s as if a ’15-year-old-just-learned-how-to-write-English’ wrote the damn book. I was also shocked by the disrespect she has for herself, way to set an example.

  15. Hi-La-Ri-Ous!
    This is abso-fucking-lutely funny!

  16. Hahaha wat goed! Ik heb het boek niet eens gelezen maar door alle reviews en hysterische verhalen erover is je blog zelfs ontzettend herkenbaar!
    Ik sla het boek zelf maar even over denk ik ;)

  17. Hahahaha briljant!

  18. Hahaha I SO wanna join you in that drinking game!

    Btw: I couldn’t stop giggling after I read the word abysmal, reminded me of a pretty funny thing at Friends:

    Joey: Man, this is bad! And I’ve had my share of bad reviews. I still remember my first good one, though. “Everything else in this production of Our Town was simply terrible. Joey Tribbiani was abysmal.”

  19. When the writer called Anastasia’s vagina “her sex” instead of ANY OTHER WORD POSSIBLE IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.
    Haha! oh lord that’s bad.I feel a bit embarrassed only replying to this blogpost, ’cause I’ve been reading your posts for half an hour now.. and then I respond to something having to do with 50 shades of grey.. but ah well. I like how you’re so passionate about the English language. I have the same myself, only I’m a a bit lazier I guess ;-)
    Happy to have found your blog!

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