-

Inner Office Hours: The Worry Thirty.

May 042013

Arnie Kozak, the author of Wild Chickens and Petty Tyrants, describes an exercise in his book he uses in his mindfulness training called ‘inner office hours’.

Inner Office Hours means you assign yourself a specific time and duration to have your worrying and negative thoughts. You know, really mull over them, spin them around in your head and let them consume you until *PING*, time is up and you go off into the real world again.

This way you prevent yourself from having a negative thought fest, all day, everyday. You just put it in the time you took for negative thinking and if it pops up during the day? You shake your head and tell it ‘no’: You firmy remind yourself it’s not your Worry Thirty yet, and you move on.

I read that and it reminded me of a friend of a friend. When her relationship ended, she was writing her thesis as well as working (almost) full-time. She was real busy, and ambitious. She could not take any time to fall apart; there was no time to do the whole pyjama-Ben&Jerry’s-listening-to-sappy-music crap on her schedule. Out of necessity, she gave herself half an hour a day. She used it to cry, to rant, to obsess, to freak out, whatever was on her mind in that half an hour. After that half an hour, she would re-apply her make-up, take a breath and get back to business.

I liked the idea of this for a couple of reasons. First, we don’t always have the time to fall apart. Sometimes it’s too inconvenient to completely indulge in our pain or problems. Second, it can be like waning yourself off of continuous worrying; you just cram everything into the thirty. This can only be healthy, really. 30 minutes a day beats 24 hours a day. Third, by giving it your complete attention in that half an hour it’s not stuck in the back of your mind the whole day, you take time to truly process or problem solve instead of just ruminate. Fourth, when you spend some time on your negative stuff you can actually sneak in something constructive and work on your issues. And finally, it leaves the rest of your day open for (more) positive thinking.

So why not give it a shot? Twenty minutes dedicated to weight worrying or body issues? Half an hour to process stress at work and your fear of losing your loved one? Whatever trouble you might be having, just throw it in the assigned worry time.

If I could recommend anything, it’s writing in those Worry Thirty. Sure, you can just sit, crying over your coffee or having your inner pity party or problem preaching while Sad.FM is on in the background, but writing enhances the process. It clarifies, organizes and clears out the clutter of thoughts. Therefore, I recommend putting it on paper.

Naturally, I gave this a go. Tried the Worry Thirty Minutes. Grabbed a notebook, set a timer, put on some music and worried about ALL the things until my time was up.

Turns out I’m both frightening and a little funny when I let myself worry. Take a look.

I’m afraid I can never make a living as a writer and when I have to leave my job as a teacher in a year, I won’t find a job as a psychologist. I envision I would end up in telemarketing and that would make me blow my brains out. With my headset still on for dramatic effect.

I worry that I’m never going to be happy with how I look, and that I’m never going to get the flat stomach I want and that I’ll eventually get so frustrated with this I’ll just go on a permanent binge and leave hateful comments on the pictures of skinny women on Instagram.

I’m afraid my boyfriend will break up with me because I’m sad and no fun and that I’ll move back home. With my luck (and his dating background), he would start dating some psychotic lunatic so that not only am I heart-broken, I would still worry about him getting injured, cuckolded or found in a ditch somewhere.

I worry that my Type A personality traits and my hippie-Universe-yogi side are just so incompatible that they can’t co-exist and that I eventually end up with a whopping case of Multiple Personality Syndrome like in that book ‘Sybil’. But hey, at least I’d be an interesting case in my field.

I’m afraid I’m just weak.

Maybe I’ve just used up all my happiness in the past year. Like, I just sucked my Lifetime Supply of Happiness dry and now it’s gone. And that from now on I’m just going to be this eye-rolling, sarcastic bitch who admittedly is really funny but who may need to be put on suicide watch after a while.

I am worried I’ll eventually give up. That I will stop trying to get better and that I eventually can’t even get out of bed anymore.

…Well, that was totally depressing. Sorry if I made you reach for your Zolofts or liquor there.

But. Bright side: I don’t have these things swirling in my head in big dark neon signs after these thirty minutes. They’re in font, out of my head. In a way, it can be a relief, and make some space. And now I can just go to bed because writing about it gave it enough attention for me to let it go for now.

Thusly, I may dig the Inner Office Hours, Worry Thirty thing.

I think that it can be good to dedicate a half an hour to whatever your problem, pain, worry or stressor might be. By giving it the power in that dedicated time, it’s easier to deny it power throughout the rest of your day. Get it all out of the way and move on, until your next Worry Thirty rolls around the next day. And especially if you can end on a constructive note and firmly close up shop once time is up, this technique might do you some good.

(seriously, how cool is this?)

That’s all I got for you now, sweet cheeks. Thanks for the sweet comments on the previous article, by the way. I may be sarcastic and mean a lot of the time, but I was totally having Broments with all of you. Your kindness and support is more than I deserve and much appreciated. Thanks for that. Kisses.

About Not Being Good Enough, And Not Having To Do Shit.

Personal 32 Responses »

Apr 282013

I can beat around the bush, but anyone who has seem me attempt to play hockey can tell you, I’m not very good with a stick. So in the bluntest, shortest way possible, here’s what it is: I’ve been telling myself I am a loser. For like, four months.

I have been beating myself senseless with the same message, wrapped in a few different sentences. That I’m a loser.

For the longest time I was perfectly happy with who I was, and striving happily for who I want to be. But sometimes a combination of life and personality knocks you on your ass, and your higher, happy self writes checks your more vulnerable self can’t cash. That’s what happened to me.

All I kept hanging over my head was everyting I’m not, everything I should be or should have been by now, and all the things other people are better at than me. You’re not good enough you’re not good enough you’re not good enough.

Not a good enough writer, teacher, girlfriend, blogger, person. I am less, inferior.

I have been beating myself up, constantly. Because I am not a writer yet. Because I am unsuccessful, because I procrastinate, because I am not skinny, because I am not rich, because other peple look better than I do, because I feel weaker than other people.

I know I don’t write much right now. I can imagine that to a reader, I am only a grumpy shadow of this happy ‘inspirational’ person who used to write here, but one thing is the same: I always write straight from the heart. This is in my heart right now. I am dealing with a rampant inferiority complex combined with perfectionism. Sorry, that’s just the way it is.

And I think we’ve all felt that way about ourselves on way or another, almost everyone knows the feeling of not being good enough.

For whatever reason it may be. Maybe because you were rejected for a job or school, or some guy didn’t like you as much as you hoped. Maybe more self-inflicted, like beating yourself up over useless stuff. Like how you don’t exercise as much as someone else. Or how you just so happen to not have your dream job while people around you all seem to follow their passion. Maybe because you are not as thin as someone else, not as popular, not as pretty, because you don’t have a huge impressive wardrobe.

But that’s just not how it works, sweethearts.

You are not less. You are not a loser. No matter what you have or what you do, there is something within you that is perfect and enough. It is worthy of love and acceptance. It is pure, it is you, and it’s that deepest part of you, that is good enough no matter what.

It’s something that doesn’t need to be altered. It’s from that place that you can grow or improve, sure, but that basic inner thing is perfect as it is.

I decided to go back to that. I had a week off and I decided to completely cut the whole “I have to”-sentence out of my vocabulary. I decided to not do anything about anything. Because actually, I don’t have to do anything. I am my own self-assigned drill sergeant, and I fucking fired myself in that department.

Instead, I just did whatever I fucking pleased. (A+ 10/10 highly recommend)

I forgot about everyone else’s life, how they look, what they do. How everyone is doing these amazing things, crossing off everything on their to-do lists, constantly working out, buying amazing clothes, signing amazing deals. No offense, but I stopped caring.

I just enjoyed my days for what they were, and that was nice. I didn’t go “tomorrow I’m going to change my entire life!!1!!” Because I just want to be for a little while and just enjoy. Just find joy.

And so I went to the market, not because I have to eat extremely healthy or otherwise the world will end, but because I had a craving for beet-grapefruit juice and wanted pretty green limes in my fruit bowl.

I got a haircut, just because. I took myself out for a coffee date, not because I had to write a couple of thousand words but because I wanted to sit in a coffee shop and drink coffee.

I read a lot, because I wanted the comfort of books over Internet and television. Not because I felt I had to. I watched Finding Nemo, Brave and Tron because I LOVE Disney movies. I played my favorite computer adventure games of all time (Secret of Monkey Island and Curse of the Monkey Island) without a constant nagging I should have been exercising or writing instead.

I wrote for my eyes only, and rekindled my connection with my imaginary friends (they’re really fun once you get to know them). I forgot about ‘having to blog’ because my blog has always been a labor of love for writing and self help, not of pressure to deliver to an audience.

I went to bed late, and slept in. I didn’t exercise once this week. Why not, you ask? Because I don’t have to. I didn’t want to and so I didn’t.

I didn’t make any to do lists. I sat on my balcony, got a tan. Graded some papers — Weird, I know but I enjoy grading. I ordered Indian take out and realized Indian food really is my favorite food . I bought myself a few simple t-shirts and a pair of jeans, on sale.

And you know what? I feel better. More accepting of how I feel and how things are. Less preoccupied with “having to bounce back asap”, with “making a comeback”, with feeling better because other people are expecting me to. This is how it is, this is how I feel and that’s okay.

Sometimes you gotta learn the hard way, and sometimes you gotta stand still even when everyone and everything around you is moving.

And now, to draw this long-winded article illustrating my complexes to a close, I present you with the punch line:

If there is anyone out there like me, I hope you get something from this. If you are tired, fed up with saying “I have to” and “I’m not good enough” to yourself, sick from feeling like you’re forcing, I hope you can find it in you to stop and take a break. Not for ever, but for as long as you can and as long as you need.

Because you are good enough. Even if you’re not striving and achieving and competing and coming out on top. Because you got something in you that’s already perfect. You don’t have to do anything. If you had forgotten about that, I hope this story made you remember.

And in case of TL;DR at least you got to admire my new sweater and haircut!

Lighthouse Works: Happy Healthy Sunday.

Detox, Food, Health 4 Responses »

Apr 122013

When Eelke Pollé was working long hours in her 70-hour workweek, she was looking for a detox weekend. But with relaxation instead of rigorous schedules and fun instead of pure fennel* shots. When she couldn’t find it, she did what any woman with a yoga mommy and a business daddy would do: She started her own with her mission “setting up that place where people can come, settle down, and find ‘tools’ to get back into balance and discover their strength.” Eelke and her team of Lighthouse Works set up just that.

Lin and I were invited to Happy Healthy Sunday, which is a lovely Wellness Day that introduces you to a lot of the elements Lighthouse Works incorporates in their detox weekends and yoga holidays. Upon arrival we were greeted by the team, all women dressed in their black and orange Lighthouse Works gear, smiling widely and making me incorrectly guess their ages because they all looked flipping vibrant and youthful. Anyway.

We were supplied with Yogi Tea and chatted a little before Eelke introduced herself, Lighthouse Works and the team behind it and after that we could dive straight unto the yoga mat for our yoga class to start the day with!

Lighthouse Works Yoga Class: Eelke taught the class and did so in a way that everyone could participate and get something from it. She checked for injuries first, then took us through a warm-up, some Sun Salutations (which I love and that are wonderful to do for anyone) as well as other postures. In a lot of the postures she explained what you could possibly do if this was hard for you or what you could try if this was easy for you, making the class great for beginners, intermediates as well as more experienced yogis.

What I loved as well was how it reminded me there is SO much yoga. You can always deepen, extend or change your practice.

And let me tell you what Bikram Yoga gives you: A flexible spine. Some flexibility elsewhere. Inner peace. What Bikram Yoga DOESN’T give you, is the knowledge of all the yoga postures OR the ability to do them. There were several postures where I could not get my ass off the floor if it needed to be — or get my ass on the floor when it needed to be for that matter. I was sore for the next two days, but now feel inspired to maybe try some different classes sometime soon.

Natural Beauty Workshop: After yoga we went straight up to a Natural Beauty workshop. I had no idea what to expect, but Nadine explained a lot about food that’s good for the face as well as show us some easy-to-do facial muscle exercises.

You haven’t seen funny until you’ve seen six women contract their facial muscles as if they’re trying to do an impression of a Pug Jerry Lewis, but honestly: Nadine’s face looks amazing. She told us she faithfully does some of these face-yoga exercises in the morning. Well, okay then If I can look like that, that is WELL worth freaking out my showering boyfriend over.

Juice Tasting: We got to try some of the famous Lighthouse Works juices! One of the juices was a combination of beet and red grape with pomegranate seeds floating in it, which I really liked and recreated at home. Another one was ‘Apple Pie’, a delicious and warming combination of apple, carrot, ginger and cinnamon.

Finally, there was a green one that was really good. They turned it into a game where we had to guess the ingredients and I am ashamed to report I didn’t get a SINGLE one of them right. I mean, WAY off. When the ingredients were revealed (avocado, courgette, lime and orange), I was amazed — and put the ingredients on my grocery list.

At Lighthouse they like to add things to their juices to make them more nutritionally rich or give them a little extra, hence the pomegranate seeds, the spices and the avocado. I like that a lot, I should experiment with that more at home.

Indian Head Massage And Reiki:

An Indian head massage is an Ayurvedic massage of the head, neck and shoulders that combines a lot of beneficial massage techniques and promotes relaxation. It was so nice, you guys. I floated out of there, smelling of almond oil and so relaxed I could have taken a nap.

But I didn’t, because I had actually reached out to one of the Lighthouse Workers who does Reiki. Nicolette, who is a the Reiki Master of the team, had some time in her schedule and I booked an appointment with her. Although the 30 days of yoga helped how I feel on a regular basis, I was still at a point where I could really use someone helping with my energy and general well-being.

Nicolette gave me a 30-minute Reiki treatment (they also have the 60-minute option), but it felt like such a long time. In a good way: I was on that table and it really felt like she had been giving me reiki for over an hour and a half. I could really feel it happening and it made me very emotional. When she was done, and I was ready to get up she looked me in the eye and straight up told me what my energy told her was going on**. It was spot-on.

And I was so open, everything just rushed out all at once, that I just started crying. I mean, Ugly Cry and Pure All The Sadness Type of crying. I’m making jokes, but it was such a moving experience, and Nicolette was so gracious and supportive. She comforted me in such a natural way that I have never, ever experienced from someone I didn’t really know. It was special. Not in the special-needs way, but in the unique-experience way.

I am still reeling, as well as benefiting. This week I have been in touch with my own energy and emotions a lot more than usual. I know I come off as a touchy-feely person, but I actually bury stuff. A lot. When it comes out, I often get sick on top of it, and that’s what happened this week too: Fever & Migraine. It’s my body’s way of saying “HEY DUMBASS”.

Anyway, enough of the emo-talk. I can honestly say that if you’ve never had Reiki and you’re interested in that, you should try it at Lighthouse Works. I have had some great experiences with Reiki, but I’ve never had such an amazing and cleansing experience as those 30 minutes.

Facilities: As you can see in the picture above, the hotel is absolutely gorgeous. I’ve peeked in the rooms, they were very nice too. In between the yoga class, workshop and treatments we had some great zucchini soup in the restaurant and spent some time in the sauna and steambath – which made us all relaxed and rosy (and very unfit for having photographs of ourselves taken).

Practical Stuff: Should you be interested in this, you can find all the information about the detox weekends here and you can click here to make a reservation. Also, add ”The Self Help Hipster” to your booking and you’ll get an Indian Head Massage on top of your reservation!

From experience I can say that you can also check out the Happy Healthy Sunday and come out of it all relaxed and recharged. Oh, and bring your BFF for an enriched experience***.

*No disrespect to fennel (fans), it’s actually lovely if you mix it in a green drink – straight up will make you pass out in anise-taste terror.

**Yeah, no.

***Because let’s be serious, except for maybe a colonoscopy or something, bringing your BFF always enriches your experience.

BFF Weekend & Happy Healthy Sunday #1.

Personal 5 Responses »

Apr 092013

So, Saturday afternoon this gorgeous girl picked me up in her car, champagne in the backseat for a nice weekend get-away*.

While listening to Florence & the Machine, Robyn and Gui Boratto we had ourselves a roadtrip to…Putten. Which was super nice and foresty. Not very International Playgirl yet, but we gotta start somewhere, right?

There was a very fabulous part involved, though: Lin and I got invited to go to a Wellness Day by Lighthouseworks called Happy Healthy Sunday, a blend of detoxing and pampering the self in a beautiful environment.

Considering the most exciting thing I get in my inbox normally is if I can please start advertising diet pills or if some guy in India can help me to put me on #1 in Google Search for 999$, this was really cool to me. I mean, they invited the weird self help girl.

Anyway, Lin and I do see each other quite often, but other times our weeks are so busy we can only squeeze in a cup of coffee or a quick dinner. This inspired us to make a whole girlfriend weekend out of it. It was so nice to have such an extended period of uninterrupted girl-time like this on top of the wellness day.

We booked a little hotel in Putten so we’d only have to drive 15* minutes to the location of Lighthouseworks. I just love hotels. Fluffy white hotel beds, artsy pictures of city skylines and breakfast buffets. What’s not to love. As pictured above, due to a lack of fridge we devised a system to keep the champagne cold. Also, wine.

For dinner we went to this Italian place nearby – and I had pasta with cherry tomatoes and basil. My pasta was good, but Lin had this amazing creamy truffle-mushroom one that gave me a wicked case of Food Envy (which is totally a thing, look it up).

After that we just went back to the hotel, drank champagne and watched crappy television shows until we fell asleep.

The crappy television show was actually very educational: We watched The Voice UK and I now know a) that who I originally had labeled ‘the old black guy from the Voice UK’ is actually Tom Jones who is not only not-black but Welsh, b) the sexy tattooed boy is from The Script –~~sometimes~~ I live under a rock you guys, and c) Jessie J has really shiny hair.

After that we watched a bit of Jersey Shore and I just really don’t even know what to say about that, except that I find those guys on that show are so unattractive I’d rather make out with a dead turtle.

Anyway. Off topic. Let’s get back on track.

The next morning we showered, had a leisurely breakfast in the hotel and went on our way to Lighthouse Works.

Happy Healthy Sunday? Basically a whole festival of things (almost) everyone loves to do. I am going to blog about ALL the things, but in overview this was our Happy Healthy Sunday:

Lin and I spent the day together, having a wonderful time, talking and laughing and taking pictures. We did yoga, went in and out of saunas, enjoyed the sun and the beautitful surroundings. We did a workshop about natural beauty, we tasted some delicious juices. We had a nice lunch with the people we were with, and I also got a reiki treatment that was very moving and very helpful, going to write about that too.

We ended the day with a short meditation, and driving home I was so chilled out I didn’t even speed ~~that much~~. I found the whole thing very relaxing and inspiring. It was a day I used to recharge, and it gave me lots of new ideas and insights to incorporate in day-to-day life. Big thank you to Cherry Picker PR & Lighthouse Works for that, and more on that soon.

* I am trying to make our friendship sound as lesbian as possible and figured I’d get a head start at it in the very first sentence.

**5 if you’re accidentally speeding.

Girl Needs Yoga: Thirty in Thirty.

Girl Meets Yoga, Yoga 8 Responses »

Apr 062013

Half-ass naked on the Internet. Conscious choice. Quite okay with it. Now all I need to do is destroy my grandparents’ Internet connection because a) I don’t want to be responsible for any strokes or cardiac arrests and b) I want to remain in the will.

Remember when I said “ I only know [on what day of the challenge I am] when I’m looking at the official scoreboard!”? Famous last words, people. Funny story:

On Thursday, after my 06:30 AM yoga class, the -very small- part of my brain that understands day-to-day things like routes, planning and calendars alerted me that I might have miscalculated something. At work, I grabbed my planner and on-line information and it turned out I was not on day 29 as I originally thought, but on day 30. And on the Wednesday, I had taken Manfriend to the airport (boo hoo he’s gone for six weeks, very sad very Lifetime Movie) so I had planned on doing a double class Friday, the last day of my challenge. At least, in my head.

So there I was, accidentally on day 30 with one more yoga class to go. At work, no plan and no extra work-out gear on me. Time to improvise.

With major groveling, I canceled the dinner plans I had with a friend. I put my -rinsed but not properly washed*- yoga shorts and top on the heater. I found the coins in my backpack needed for a rental yoga towel. And right after work, I went back into the yoga studio. Fully prepared to have the worst class of the whole 30 days. The 06:30 AM session had not been one of my best and I had worked all day: I was prepared to ride out a very uncomfortable 90 minutes for the final class of my challenge.

And of course, because it happens when you least expect it, I flew through class. I did everything and it felt so good. Natural, too. I came out of class so high I wanted to talk to everybody and was just buzzing.

I did it.

A Bikram Yoga class every day for 30 days. When I really had no time for a class -happened three times- I did a double class on the Saturday after to get back on schedule. Which was actually great because not only did it get me out of my double-class funk, it also reminded me how amazing the energy is after two classes — For the first five hours, mind you. After that you either need to nap or eat a huge meal, or preferably both.

I have had great classes, and I have had shit classes.I have had classes where my body was stiff as an English upper lip, or where my muscles were so tired they gave out in postures, or where I was so in my head I couldn’t focus, but I always came out feeling better.

I am a little more toned than I was when I first started. I have lost a little weight, but have no idea how much because I haven’t weighed myself in over two years. I have come to the conclusion my nose looks even bigger when my face is skinnier, which is both funny and tragic at the same time.

I am definitely stronger now, better at holding a posture. The yoga always feels good, even when it’s hard. And as I said before, more relaxed, more energetic and with an overall higher sense of well-being. That was my main motivation for doing it anyway, all the physical stuff is just a bonus.

It’s not all gone, of course. I cured a basic symptom (feeling bad) of a bigger problem (feeling lost). But feeling better is making it way easier to deal with that. I can find my way a lot easier when I have my well-being to guide me, and my intuition isn’t overshadowed by negative emotions.

A lot of people throw around the term ‘reborn’ when it comes to yoga and doing challenges like this, but that’s not really my style. I am not reborn, I am just more ready. For everything.

And now, I am going to road trip with my BFF and we’re going to check out Happy Healthy Sunday tomorrow. Very exciting, I hope you all are well, and I will write for you guys soon. Love.

*Please don’t judge me. Desperate times, man.

Girl Needs Yoga: Getting There.

Girl Meets Yoga, Yoga 6 Responses »

Mar 292013

Honestly, life keeps throwing me the weirdest curveballs. Considering I have the hand-eye coordination of a drunk snake, you can do the math of how that is working out for me right now. But enough about me, let’s talk about me*.

I’m at day 23 (24? I still have to go today and I only know when I’m looking at the official scoreboard!) today and still going faithfully. Which means lots of washing, lots of showers, lots of carrying yoga gear around anywhere and people asking me if I am going on a journey or if I am just a semi-fashionable hobo.

In terms of inner peace and energy it’s similar to what I described last week. Despite non-ideal circumstances, I can keep on top of things. I am relaxed, peaceful and happy when I practice: Those effects carry over in my life, which makes it so much easier to function and do what I have to do.

Also, I feel at home at the yoga studio again. I enjoy being there so much. And I realize everyone there loves yoga, in their own way. Some come all the time, some come every once in a while – and nothing is better or worse than the other. It’s just what it is. Our yoga practice is part of all our lives. We have that in common, that’s what matters (the hippie spoke). I often run into Ben “Yoga Boy” or other yoga friends. If I’m in the mood to be with people, there is always somebody to chat with. If I want to be alone, I just have to say ‘hello’, do yoga, shower and leave.

Oh, I did a couple of 20:00 classes! I hadn’t done any in years; it used to be hot as hell and just as crowded. Now it’s not so busy anymore and I found it’s really nice to end the day with a yoga class instead of beginning with one. The only problem is that I end up staying up until 1 in the morning because I have ALL the energy. Girl still needs to sleep however, so I didn’t make it to any 06:30 AM classes this week and did all my classes in the evenings. Interesting plot twist for a morning person. Manfriend thinks I am converting to his church (the night owls).

(Yeah, I took the embarassing-selfie stuff back into my bathroom. I couldn’t take the stress hormones of someone walking past and judging me for taking a picture of myself in skimpy work-out gear: You know how it is. You can only yell “I HAVE A BLOG I AM DOING THIS FOR A GOOD REASON SORT OF” to so many people.)

And as you can see in the picture above (taken three weeks apart, day 2 and day 22), some physical change kicked in. I think. No, seriously. My favorite part is the stomach — it’s not perfectly flat but it’s definitely more defined. I started feeling a familiar ‘tightening up’ feeling in my body over the past weeks but it wasn’t really noticeable yet; if you look at last week’s picture, you can hardly tell a difference. Now, you can actually tell.

Only one week left of the official challenge. I am very happy I stopped fucking around and just joined. It still feels like I am going ‘back to normal’ – at least in this area of my life.

I don’t care about how much it costs, how much time it takes. I don’t mind how disgusting I smell after a class and how much time I spent washing towels. This is what I am supposed to be doing. I do Bikram Yoga. Because it feels good, because it does my body good and because it improves every single area of my life.

So bring on the sweat and the smelly towels. Perfectly fine with me.

*Sorry, I totally laughed at that joke the first time. I might actually be too lame to function.

Girl Needs Yoga: Halfway There (15/30).

30 Day Trials, Girl Meets Yoga, Yoga 13 Responses »

Mar 222013

There are a few different sides to the story of why I decided to do a 30-day Bikram Yoga challenge again. I was emailing about it with Ruby Warrington — the next thing I know Bikram Yoga Rotterdam announced ‘The March Madness Challenge’ where you can sign up for -you guessed it- a 30 day challenge: 30 yoga classes in 30 days.

All very nice and synchronous, but not actually what made me do it.

See, I first started thinking of every reason not to do it. I mean, 30 days in a row is pretty doable, but it does require sacrifice. You need to set aside a big chunk of your time every day for thirty days. You are perpetually sore. You have to plan ahead in a lot of different areas: In clothes, in food, in washing, in how your entire day looks. You have less time for social events, less wiggle room to slack off, and you have to keep your priorities straight, very straight. Also, I envisioned the possibility of getting fed up with doing the 90-minutes routine every day again for the upcoming thirty days.

But what it came down to was this: I was feeling like shit.

I was feeling like shit and I was getting pretty desperate about getting out of it and feeling good again. From past experience I can safely say that whatever I need, yoga gives it to me and more. And at this point, I had gotten desperate enough. I was in yoga class and something inside me went “Fucking fine. I will fucking commit to my yoga practice again, JUST GET ME OUT OF THIS FUNK.”

It wasn’t about doing something impressive. It wasn’t about doing something cool; it was about doing something necessary.

Because I knew that everything would be better than how I was feeling at that point. Getting out of bed at 5:45 for five days in a row, the most extreme soreness, the worst yoga class, even the worst fuck-this-and-my-big-mouth moment? All that — still going to be better than that empty unhappy feeling that I’d been having for the past couple of weeks.

Which was why any reason why I couldn’t do it completely lost its meaning to me. I mean, fuck that. And so I walked up to my yoga teacher and asked him to put my name on the Sign Up Sheet.

That simple gesture made me feel a rush of relief. I was like ‘okay, cool (and about damn time).’ Let’s do it. Turning back to the very thing that had always taken care of me. No mindfuckery, no bullshit, just daily yoga practice.

‘Just’ going to a yoga class for two weeks now. Yes, I am sore. When I wake up, I am ~~a little~~ stiff. Yes, I am tired sometimes. Yes, I have washed a lot of towels and yoga shorts.

I’ve been pestering Manfriend about physical changes (DO I HAVE ABS YET DO I HAVE ABS YET), but as you can see from the picture above: There aren’t really any. I feel good in my own skin though, and I can feel that my body is functioning better (in terms of sleep, digestion, metabolism).

The mental changes are pretty cool. By doing that yoga routine every day I become so much more relaxed and focused. The racing thoughts slow down, I become calm, I find a spot from which I can actually see what is going on in my own head. I get a quieter, more organized mind.

Every time I do the yoga, I realize I’m coming back to an important part of my self. Even when it’s a shit class, even when I can’t focus and even when my body is tired, I always come out with that nice, familiar energy that carries me throughout the day.

The most important thing about the yoga right now though is that everytime I do it, I feel something inside me calm down, and I feel trust. I believe that everything is going to be alright. I think for now, that’s enough.

Plenty, even.

Self Help Book: If You Have To Cry, Go Outside.

Self Help Book Parade 8 Responses »

Mar 192013

As I don’t know ~~much~~ anything about PR and only watched a few episodes of the Hills (just enough to be fucking annoyed with Heidi and Spencer), I had no idea who Kelly Cutrone was. Really. But I did remember reading about this book when it caught my eye in the book store so I picked it up. I liked her face on the cover and as I flipped through the pages it looked like something I would enjoy reading. So I got into it, and got behind it.

Discovery: Annemerel blogged about it a really long time ago (it was published in 2011*). I never got around to borrowing it from my fashion-fabulous friend so hadn’t read it yet! A few weeks ago, I was in the gorgeous Maastricht Selexyz, and I bought it there for 15,99. Turns out you can actually get it here for 13,99.

Subject: The life and lessons of Kelly Cutrone, a woman with so much life and business experience she could put a group of 50-something CEOs to shame. In the book, you read about her life, how she got from a girl who wanted to move to New York to the amazing position she is in now. You read about the successes as well as all the heartache and hardships, and of course all the things she learnt from all of that.

I may not know much about her world, but I instantly liked Kelly and enjoyed reading about her life. She is a power woman in every sense of the word and the stories of her life and business are fascinating and funny. The people she meets (she ushered Michael Jackson through a crowd and told off Donald Trump), the things she has done (PR, palm and tarot reading, almost becoming a rockstar and then back into PR again) and the way she runs her business and raises her daughter: It’s really cool to read about all that.

And there is so much inspiring stuff in there. Even though you may not want to work in fashion, PR, or live in New York: You can find a tip, a truth or a lesson in everything she says.

Kookiness Scale: 3. At one point she writes about a mystical experience that really helped her get rid of a nasty addiction and there is some wolf pack talk, but that’s her philosophy. I don’t think it would be bothersome to anyone. She’s so no-nonsense and clear all throughout the rest of the book.

Favorite Quotes:

“[Belvy] was prove that finding your tribe, like following your dreams, isn’t always what makes sense; it’s about what your soul needs.”

“If you’re the kind of person that senses that there is somehting out there for you beyond whatever it is you’re expected to do –if you want to be extra-ordinary– you will not get there by hanging around a bunch of people who tell you you’re not extraordinary.”

“I tell my employees I died several times while in the same body, each time paving the way for an amazing rebirth (talk about multitasking).”

“You can’t really know what it’s like to be filled unless you’ve been empty.”

“You weren’t having a breakdown, you were having a breakthrough.”

“I am devoted to my job not because I love it, but because I look at it as my spiritual practice. There is a word for this in India: Karmayoga. I am a karmayogi – someone who becomes conscious of herself and the Divine through work, not through meditation in some ashram or saying Hail Marys.”

“It’s not enough just to listen to your inner voice and ask yourself the hard questions about who you are and what you believe. Eventually you need to get strategic about refining and communicating to others what you are and wht you believe if you want to succeed.”

“There is a danger in trying to create your brand from the outside in. [...] Instead of an internal sketch, we spend half our teenage years cutting pictures out of magazines and pasting them on our bedroom walls, cobbling together how we want ourselves represented.”

“I firmly believe each woman is a goddess and that deep down inside herself she knows it.”

“I want you to fearlessly pursue your dreams and your destiny, conscious that you are not what you do, listening to your inner voice,refusing to let superficial things define you, asking yourself the hard questions about what you believe and what you will serve, fighting the fears in your own mind and finally, loving other women in the process.”

“Ultimately, I’d rather be the one living the life than observing and making catty comments about it.”

Self Help Hipster Stamp of Approval: Absolutely. I dig Kelly — the take-no-prisoners determinism, her brutal honesty and her Momma Wolf philosophy. I think a lot of women can learn a lot from her and this book is perfect for that. Well written, funny and inspiring. I actually like this book so much that her second book ‘Normal Gets You Nowhere’ is the next item on my book wishlist.

You should buy this book if…

You want to read about a kick-ass power woman and a great example.
You want an inspiring, truthful success story (that takes place in New York – We Love New York!)
You like to read more about the PR business and get a peek behind the scenes of high fashion.
You want to get motivated about becoming a glorious gutsy power girl yourself.

*Talk about a ‘fashionably’ late book review, right? Right?! Come on guys, I am trying SO hard for you. PUNS.

The Purpose Of This Blog

Important Stuff 21 Responses »

Mar 182013

A little over a year ago, I started this website. Because I wanted to. Because I ran out of funny things to say about myself and all the coffee I drink. Because it’s safer to chronically over-share your self help knowledge than your love life. Because I wanted a website different from everyone else’s, because you know, ain’t nobody got time for that. I wanted different. I wanted funny. I wanted helpful, authentic and awesome, and I wanted to deliver it in my own voice, in my actually-tragically-mainstream glasses.

Over time I got a little lost in my own high standards and the purpose of the blog. See, I refuse to write anything that I’ve seen on seventeen different blogs before mine. It’s a pride thing. And sometimes I want to be helpful so badly that I can’t come up with something to say. Over time, I tried to take myself out of the website, because I felt talking about myself didn’t really serve the purpose.

But I was wrong about that. Because the purpose, the one thing I want to share most, beyond my dumbass jokes and my head-in-the-clouds nonsense, is how I am actually improving my life with self help. And what I believe more than anything else is that anyone can do that.

You really can help yourself. Through your choices and words and actions. By what you do, what you eat, what you choose to say (or don’t say). You can help yourself by selecting what you expose yourself to, the books, the people, the environment, the activities.

You can help yourself every single day by doing things that make you better, healthier, happier, more successful, whatever you want.

It doesn’t have to be on paper and in books. It fucking shouldn’t be. It is in there, but you can (have to!) take it out. You can use it and practice it. You can take it out off the books and off the Internet and see if it really works in the real work.

And more than anything else, I created this website for information and evidence that it can be done. This website is a wholehearted fucking “YES” to whatever it is you want to do.

That yes, you can become disciplined. Yes, you can learn how to be productive and stop procrastinating. Yes, you can create great habits.

Yes, you can go from unfit and lethargic to fit and flying. Yes, you can go from couch potato to work out junkie. Yes, you can get used to green juice. Yes, you can go from a standard Western diet to a raw food diet. You can have a good relationship with food and your body.

Yes, you can figure out finances, love, friendships, goals, dreams. Yes, you can co-create your life. Yes, you can customize your life to your design. Whether it is through rigorous behavioral adjustments, spiritual guidance, asking the Universe, goal setting, manifesting, or all of the above: You can do it, however you want.

And I don’t want to just tell you that, I want to show you how it’s done…and that it can be done. That yes, you can work out every day. You can decide to quit coffee. You can meditate. You can get high grades or perform excellent at work. You can give up toxic people and attract the right ones.

Because the most important thing to know about me for you, sweet angel face reader, is this: I am just like you. Literally. I have no special abilities, no gene that poses any advantage in this department. I have flaws, problems, sometimes I am down, sometimes I just want to watch TV and sometimes I eat too many cupcakes. The only thing I have going for me is a self help book collection and an Internet connection.

So whatever I write about, whenever I write about something that I am doing, be it healthy food, spirituality, manifesting, productivity, relationships or personal stuff, you have to realize my main message on-line is always always always this: If I can do it, so can you.

Less Whining* & Ego Backlash.

Personal, Uncategorized 2 Responses »

Mar 122013

(In case anyone is wondering**, this is not greasy hair. I had actually just washed my hair but I reached a hair length where blowdrying takes half my day and the sacrifice of two small animals. I am lazy. I tend to walk around with wet hair most of the time.)

So. Over the past few days I became aware of a couple of things. Number one, my Bloglovin’ stats have -quite undeservingly- been growing. …I’m not even here! I am dicking around in the real world, worrying about my quarter-life crisis! I think it’s hilarious: You guys either like ~~my whining~~ personal updates OR are just loving the fact that I am not here regularly.

Second, putting a whiny piece about yourself on the Internet? Will not actually make you feel better. In fact, it’s just sort of embarassing. And I have a high threshold for embarassing shit. I danced to Britney Spears ‘Hit Me Baby (One More Time)’ at an assemblee. So for all on-line writers, let this be a lesson: Whining on the Internet does not make you feel better. So you know, you might as well not do it.

Glad that I did it, though. For myself and for you guys. I think I needed to share, and I want to paint a realistic portrait of who I am as well as the ‘positive lifestyle’ (wow that sounds awful). See, I think a healthy way to live is to work on as much positivity and proactivity as you can, and be all about the rainbows and puppies. But you know what? It can still rain, and your puppies shit on the carpet.

Just because you make a lot of gratitude lists and read a lot of self help books doesn’t mean you can’t go through a rough patch. Even the positivity-breathing self-help junkie gets down (on herself) every once in a while. What is important is that you don’t let it knock you down. At least not for long. It’s not like you have been doing it all for nothing, you just need to take your time to recover and bounce back.

Now, as the self help enthusiast that I am, I reread many of my favorite self help books over and over again. I always find something new I can work with. And I stumbled upon something that resonated very well with me and what I’m going through right now, written in one of my favorite spiritual self help books ‘Add More ~Ing To Your Life’, by Gabby Bernstein who is fabulous and spiritual at the same time***.

I read about “ego backlash” and instantly knew that this was at least partially in play in my life right now. Basically it’s when you’ve been doing well for quite a while, committing to taking good care of yourself and your life and all of a sudden your ego freaks the fuck out and “drag you right down”. In the book Gabby described that when it happened to her, she called her mentor who told her:

“Many times when things are good, we stop working as hard. That allows the ego to slip back in. So the best thing to do when things are good is actually to work harder.”

This was true for me. Things were good. Everything was fine, you know? Nothing major, but at least going well at an easy pace. And I had stopped working as hard as I used to do because of it. Less healthy food, more coffee. Less yoga, more television. Too little time dedicated to writing and reiki, too much time procrastinating on the Internet. And when I was vulnerable after two disappointing events, the ego was able to hit me down with a sledgehammer and every issue I ever had about myself.

So I’m back to working hard for my emotional, physical and mental well-being. Behind the scenes, I am actually busting my ass for my own well-being. More healthy foods, more intellectually stimulating stuff, of course, yoga and bringing back all the other things I lost over time.

And I find that taking the pro-active road in feeling better in itself already helps. t’s like I finally am coming to terms with how I am feeling at this moment, with how my life looks at this moment, because I know I am on my way to feel better and on my way to do better.

And now that we all know I am on my way to become less whiny and more self help preachy again, I am going to put on several of my warmest sweaters because honestly from the temperatures here I could have sworn I accidentally teleported to Siberia***. Later babes.

*The ~~long awaited~~ ~~critically acclaimed~~ sequel to Some Whining.

**And I sincerely hope you’re not.

***Proving you need to wear hemp shirts and chant to multi-limbed Gods to incorporate a spiritual practice into your life. You can be spiritual AND wear amazing shoes as the same time.

****Slight exaggeration may occur.

Older Entries